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Network With Confidence
Written by: Ivan R. MisnerArticle Overview: Afraid to meet new people? It's time you faced your fears, because that's what networking is all about.
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Free Download - Sorting Out Who's Who By Ivan R. Misner |
Network With Confidence
Q: I have a lot of trouble feeling comfortable enough to introduce myself to total strangers, but I know this is important in networking. How can I overcome this obstacle?
A: In her book Skills for Success: A Guide to the Top for Men and Women, Adele M. Scheele tells about a cocktail party where she met someone who was hesitant to introduce himself to total strangers. Scheele suggested that he "consider a different scenario for the evening. That is, consider himself the party's host instead of its guest." She asked him: What if he were the host? Wouldn't he introduce himself to people he didn't know and then introduce them to each other? Wouldn't he watch for lulls in conversations or bring new people over to an already-formed small group?
Scheele's new acquaintance acknowledged the obvious difference between the active role of the host and the passive role of the guest. Scheele concluded that "there was nothing to stop this man from playing the role of host, even though he wasn't the actual host."
Now I know that sounds easy, but when it comes right down to it, actually acting like the host isn't so simple for many people. Not all individuals are good at "acting" like something they are not. Therefore, I have one important thing to add to this advice: Don't "act" like the host, "be" the host.
Most of the business organizations you go to have a position that is responsible for meeting visitors. And I know it sounds crazy telling someone who is uncomfortable meeting new people at a networking event to be the host. At first, it must sound a little like telling a boxer to "lean into a punch!" But there's a big difference, and it really works.
Most people's fears relating to meeting new people at networking events come from not having a proper context to introduce themselves to others. Just as Scheele points out, when you are the host, you don't feel uncomfortable introducing yourself to someone you don't know who's at your party. So the key in feeling comfortable is to establish the proper context.
To establish the proper context, I recommend that you volunteer to be an ambassador, or a visitor host, at the networking groups you belong to. An ambassador or visitor host is someone who greets all the visitors and introduces them to others. Over time, this type of position will give you an opportunity to meet many people, put them together with others and become an accomplished gatekeeper. Helping others connect, meet and get what they need will unquestionably help you build your business. Furthermore, it will do it in a way that helps others.
By using this technique, you'll start to develop excellent networking skills and get great exposure to many business professionals in a short time.
A distinguishing characteristic of self-made millionaires is that they network everywhere. Most importantly, they do it all the time--at business conferences, at the health club, on the golf course or with the person sitting next to them on a plane. This fact alone should motivate you to place yourself in situations where you can meet new people and do so in a way that you feel comfortable.
It's not called net-sit or net-eat, it's called net-work. If you want to become a better networker, give this technique a try. You will be pleased with the results.
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Dr. Ivan Misner is the Founder and Chairman of BNI, the world's largest business networking organization, which has more than 4,600 chapters in 37 countries. Dr. Misner is also the author of several books, including the New York Times bestseller TRUTH OR DELUSION? (www.truthordelusion.com), and he is the Senior Partner for the Referral Institute (www.referralinstitute.com), a referral training company with operations around the world.
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About the Author: Ivan R. Misner RSS for Ivan's articles - Visit Ivan's website  Dr. Ivan Misner is the Founder & Chairman of BNI, the world's largest business networking organization. BNI was founded in 1985. The organization has over 5,800 chapters throughout every populated continent of the world. Last year alone, BNI generated 6.5 million referrals resulting in $2.8 billion dollars worth of business for its members. Called the "Father of Modern Networking" by CNN and the "Networking Guru" by Entrepreneur magazine, Dr. Misner is considered one of the world's leading experts on business networking and has been a keynote speaker for major corporations and associations throughout the world. He has been featured in the L.A. Times, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times, as well as numerous TV and radio shows including CNN, CNBC, and the BBC in London. Dr. Misner is on the Board of Trustees for the University of La Verne. He is also the Founder of the BNI-Misner Foundation and was recently named "Humanitarian of the Year" by a Southern California newspaper. He is married and lives with his wife Elisabeth and their three children in Claremont, CA. In his spare time!!! he is also an amateur magician and a black belt in karate. Click here to visit Ivan's website   3 Common Delusions about Referral Sources Use Small Actions to Get Big Results How to Become a Master Networker Emotional Intelligence and Word of Mouth Marketing You Never Know Whom They Know |
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Through my coaching practice, I’ve discovered an underlying thread that seems to undermine confidence in some women. It has to do with confusing true confidence with pride or arrogance.
Confidence is being sure of who you are and what you are able to do in a way that does not compare yourself to others. It is not dependent on value because every one of us women is valuable.
Pride or arrogance is when someone lifts him or herself above others as if they are more valuable than others. It also seems to be related to "approval addiction" where the self esteem must continually be fed by others or they don't feel good about themselves. Thus, some arrogant people put others down so they can see themselves as above.
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I invite you to give yourself permission to really let your abilities come forward and see what happens to you and your business as a result.
I’d also love to hear what methods you have for boosting your own confidence.
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- My advice is:
1) Go to the library and start reading business books (accounting, finance, etc.)
2) Go to your local community college and enroll in night classes
3) Join the local Chamber of Commerce
4) Network / Network / Network -- through the above sources.
Once you have spent two years doing the above, then look for a 55 - 60 year old business person that is looking to reduce their time in the business. Then you can work on a sweetheart financing option.
Re: UPDATES: New Campaign! New Layout! New Ideas!
- GT - thanks for the FYI - I'm not sure if we'll put a link back. Something to consider though!
Trent - the new category is "Social Network and Media" which was put in to compliment the Online Businesses category that currently exists.
Overall the new categories are:
- Looking For, Networking and Events
- Review My...
- Social Network and Media
- Brags and Rants
These came as a result of Ringo doing research on other forums and thinking about what could be improved on ours to give a better experience for everyone. I hope you enjoy them! David, I'm looking forward to reading your Brag / Rant!
RE: Life isn't fair / 'Ol Boy Network
- I certainly won't argue that 'Ol Boy Network practices exist and probably always will to some degree because, yes, people like to work with those like themselves.
I am curious, though about reactions to the content and approach of the article itself, particularly given that it is from an HR / Management consultant:
1) What does the phrase "'Ol Boy Network" mean to you?
2) Do readers view his discussion as an impartial observation of the phenomenon or do his comments such as "...is not a bad thing," "it's natural," and "are normal occurences" sound like he's expressing an opinion that the practices are OK to continue because that's how it's always been?
3) Would the nature and direction of the content affect your tendency to hire this individual as a consultant?
I tried to explore this with the author himself but he was extremely defensive and somewhat insulting regarding the possibility that his article might be perceived as endorsing the practice. I'm looking for a barometer check.
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