As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the intentions we set for our coaches matermind group is to to enhance our professional growth by practicing specific coaching skills and sharing case studies during our meetings. In our August meeting, I was in charge of coaching skill practice. Bonny, the most experienced coach among us, and the one who initiated this coaches mastermind group, requested that I demonstrate the coaching process of "coaching the gremlin", or, as I like to call it, "transforming the gremlin".
What happened was that, two years ago, at another coaches meeting at Bonny's house, I demonstrated the same process that I learned from coaching school (iPEC Coaching). Apparently Bonny was very impressed by it, and she wanted to see me do the same process again. Everyone in our coaches mastermind group are Certified Empowerment Coaches who graduated from the same coaching school, so we all learned this process in school. It's not something new to them. That's why I was honored that Bonny asked me to demonstrate "coaching the gremlin" again for other new coaches to see.
What are Gremlins?
What are the gremlins I'm referring to? You can think of gremlins as these ugly little green monsters who sit on your shoulder and tell you all kinds of negative things about you: "You are not smart enough", "You are not good enough", "Who do you think you are", "You will never make it", "You don't deserve to be loved", "You are an impostor and people can see right through you", etc. Some people call it "negative self-talk" or "the inner critic". The central message is, "You are not good enough". Are you familiar with these gremlin messages?
These gremlins were usually created in childhood or somewhere in your past, when you encountered a painful experience. Their job was to protect you from experiencing the same painful experience again. The problem is, as you grow, personally and professionally, you might not need such "protection" any more, but your gremlin still insists on doing his/her job. Imagine overprotective parents who are still trying to "protect" their adult child, and you can see the problem.
For example, you did a poor job in 4th grade with a school presentation and felt humiliated. Your gremlin was then created to prevent you from attempting any public speaking, so that you won't embarrass yourself again. Or, your parents divorced when you were little, so you were very afraid of being abandoned again. Your gremlin might tell you not to get too close to anyone in an intimate relationship, or you might sabotage your own relationship, just to avoid the pain of abandonment.
As you can see, the result is, your gremlin becomes a major roadblock that hold you back and prevent you from reaching your desired destination.
The Essence of Your Gremlin
You must remember two things about gremlins: a) your gremlin was created by you and is a part of you; b) your gremlin is an energy, and an energy cannot be destroyed.
This concept is of course very different from popular psychology.
Since your gremlin is a part of you, and it's an energy, if you treat your gremlin as an enemy that needs to be overcome & conquered, you will only create more resistance and "counteracting force" from your gremlin. Does this make sense?
Coaching the Gremlin
So, what do you do with your gremlin? That's where this coaching process comes in.
Since your gremlin is a part of you, he/she needs to be acknowledged and validated, just like you do. Further more, an energy cannot be destroyed, but it can be redirected. So, in a nutshell, what we do during this "coaching the gremlin" process is to redirect the gremlin energy and transform your gremlin into someone who gives you strength and support you on your way. So, instead of pitting against your biggest enemy who possess enormous energy, we help you "enroll" your gremlin as a helping force instead.
The process of course is much deeper and complicated, and it required hard work from both the coach and the client. Usually you don't attempt this process until you have worked with a client for a while, know his/her gremlin well, and feel confident that your client is ready and willing to do the work to break free from the gremlin.
However, during our coaches mastermind meeting, I had to coach a new coach who I've only met a few times and I totally had no clue about her gremlin, and I had to demonstrate this process live in front of other coaches. That's a real challenge! But, you know me, I enjoy a good challenge.
Coaching in Action
When you coach someone you don't really know, on something so profound, with such limited time, you need to ask really good probing questions, and listen deeply, to get to the bottom of things. At first, I could feel some resistance coming from my "client" when I was trying to grasp exactly in what way her gremlin has been impacting her life. She talked about how certain limiting beliefs and social injustice are impacting most women in general, but didn't answer my question directly. With a live audience (other coaches) watching, it was more challenging to stay focused. I was able to stay extremely focused on her, and kept on probing. After a few more questions, she finally opened up to me and I got the bottomline of her issue. Once I figured out her gremlin, the rest of the process was easier. The change of energy in the room was incredible when she crossed an imaginary line as a symbol of transformation and declaration of her new reality.
Ending on a High Note
After we wrapped up the session and our meeting, other coaches came to pat me on my back for a job well done. I wasn't sure about how well I did for my client, until I received a personal note from her. She has given me permission to use her note as a testimonial, so I'd like to share it with you here:
"Dear Hueina...
I wanted to send you a hand written note to tell you how much I appreciated your coaching.
I was very impressed by your ability and very grateful for your gift to me. Your style engenders trust, quiet strength, nurturing, and peace. Pretty remarkable!
I'm so pleased our paths have crossed."
Christina M. Genest, MA Assistant Director Corporate Communication Institute
It always feels incredibly exhilarating and rewarding when I hear first hand about how I have helped someone or made a difference in some way. I'm grateful and honored that my coaching has helped her transform her gremlin and take a big step toward the ultimate freedom.
Our last Mastermind meeting was the best ever - for a reason that we hadn't anticipated.
Previously, Simon and I have arrived for the 36-hour meeting, armed with PowerPoint's and presentation material, designed to entertain, educate and inform our members.
We see ourselves as the "sages", the founders for the group who hold the knowledge.
The group is an opportunity to be up and close and personal with "us" = and to have an insider view of our experience in the market, as applied to the member's individual practices.
It's been "all about us".
Last meeting we changed that - and shifted to what I call "bar stool coaching" - and what I mean by that is that Simon and I sat on bar stools, at the front of the room and simply started the meeting off by asking a simple question:
"How can we help?"
The conversation began on the Monday evening and we ran out of time at 5.00pm on the Tuesday, still in full flow.
The members loved it - we loved it - the feedback was the best ever.
Mastermind groups are away to learn and grow, a positive like minded group of people with similar goals. A support system built on helping each other. Many people are willing to do what is necessary to move forward in their personal and business lives. A mastermind group teaches the skills to achieve whatever goals you put in place.
Often times we need to come out of our comfort zones to do this. Some people may be shy or do not have complete faith in their abilities. Part of the responsibility of the mastermind is developing personal growth. We all need to realize we are in complete control of our lives and where we end up is up to us.
Ultimately we are responsible for our day. We craft a plan to achieve both our short term and long term goals. However the plan we start out with is rarely the plan we end up with. Temporary failure, refining our plan is an ongoing process when working towards the end result. The goal of a mastermind should be to support you and give you positive feedback.
Finding a mastermind that's a good fit for you is important. Although coming out of our comfort may be necessary it should not compromise your core values. Feeling nervous or uncomfortable with something new is not unusual. As you keep performing the new task it does become more comfortable just by the sheer repetition of doing it.
If a task feels uncomfortable is it because you're not used to doing it or does it conflict with your values and standard of ethics? This is something only you can decide. Examine your mastermind and ask yourself if they have your best interest in mind. Can you see yourself developing long term relationships with the other members of the group? Are they truly a group of positive like minded people?
My MasterMind group met last week. We're had to meet sporadically over the summer due to family obligations, job responsibilities and other situations. But our goals have not been forgotten during this time. We reflected last week on how much we have accomplished not just during the summer but throughout the year as we have met together.
Two of us have created new websites and products for sale to the public. They will be more established in a few weeks so I'll mention them in a future post.
These were items that the members had are new concepts and first items created by these members. One member had always thought of the item as a useful parenting tool. She is a counselor and thought her parents /clients would profit from such a product in dealing with their children. She felt encouraged enough by our group to pursue its production. She found it was not difficult to do and is on the road to taking it nationally.
The other member came up with the concept of a self-help item and is also pursuing the idea of taking it nationally.
I've had several magazine articles come out this year in publications that I've never been published in before. They are national and bigger regionals that is exciting to me - Farm & Ranch Living, Indianapolis Monthly, American Legacy. I'm pursuing a full-time job in an area that I love reporting on - travel writing. We'll see where that goes.
MasterMind groups are terrific for networking and emotional support. I would not have thought I could make it in the bigger magazines without my MasterMind group. The others feel strengthened also by our meetings.
We plan to meet more often in the fall. Who knows how far we'll reach collectively this year?
Evaluating New Members - Business vs. Life Experience
We had a new potential member create his one page profile and submit it to my Mastermind Group that met last week. He is a very early stage business - in fact he currently has a full time job and is working on his business part time. One of his goals is to transition to full time and continue to grow his company.
Usually such a candidate is not ideal for our Mastermind Groups. Most of our members are beyond the startup stage and have between $100,000 and $2,000,000 in annual revenues. They have hit a ceiling and need help getting to the next step. This new member, however, was referred by an existing member and I always meet with someone who was referred.
I'm glad I did.
What the new potential member lacks in business experience, he has made up for in life experience. To protect confidentiality I cannot go into detail in this post but the candidate has definitely seen a lot in his life to last three lifetimes. He could offer some valuable insights to the rest of the group and definitely bring a different perspective.
The group read his bio and agreed to meet with him for his test meeting next month. Whether he gets accepted into the group or not depends on how he interacts with the other members and if everyone feels like there is value being created but it was a valuable lesson to learn that life experience can sometimes be just as important as business experience when you are looking at adding new members to your group.
I've had my own personal mastermind group for about 5 years. Over the last five years the group has undergone many transformational changes including becoming more serious and intentional about the results we wanted.
One of the changes we implemented last year was the idea of creating monthly agreements. Essentially, we made a mental paradigm shift on the idea of goal-setting to focus on committing to monthly agreements; making self-promises and that you agree to fulfill to yourself and the group.
In other words, being in integrity with yourself about who you are and what you really want thereby enlisting your mastermind team to hold you to your best in keeping your promises. How good do you feel when you say you'll do something and then you don't do it?
Note: the promises are meant to stretch you out of your comfort zone so that you are challenging yourself to growth yourself and your business. They reflect your dreams and desires in ways that are meant to motivate and inspire you forward.
Here's what we do:
All monthly promises are due in writing on the first day of each month to include the name of each person and the month date. Promises are emailed to each member in advance of our upcoming meeting. (We meet monthly on the first Friday of each month).
The language of each promise is important. Agreements include both business and personal intentions. Promises are stated in succinct and action-based language. For example: Attend 5 networking events this month. Secure three speaking engagements. Exercise 4-5 times per week, 30-45 minutes (min. 2 days strength train, 2-3 days cardio). Schedule 3 strategic get-acquainted coffee meetings with prospects. If the language is wishy-washy, we hold each person accountable to restate the promise with deeper intention. The number of monthly promises varies and is not meant to become a to-do list.
Each month we debrief on our progress and deal with any resistance and obstacles. Conversations are authentic and direct with compassion and accountability. Fostering a strong relationship of safety and integrity with my group has enabled me to be authentic and vulnerable with them about my challenges and opportunities especially during those times when it gets a bit emotional and confrontational. Frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way. That's what they are there to do - hold me to my best so that I am living my vision.
When it comes to success, it's all about who you know.
Hmmm, I thought that only applied to the outside world of traditional business? Nope. This is something my mentor taught me a long time ago.Meeting the right people can get you everywhere. It can help with referrals, specialized training and be the difference between finding ok business partners to excellent business partners who already have solid contacts of their own.
But how do you get to know the right people? Networking. And a mastermind group is networking in its truest form. A mastermind group can really elevate you and your contact list to a new level in this respect. When you join a group of people, you become connected to others and develop incredible partnerships and friendships.
You also develop a trust level with a select few that can really pay off in more ways than one. Although you are in different networking businesses or just different teams outside of the mastermind group you learn to help each other by sharing marketing tools, marketing ideas and a confidence in each other that if you're stuck on a computer program and contact one of your fellow master minders he will help you out. You start to leverage each other by sharing your strengths where your weaknesses may be.
That is such a powerful concept when you're doing business because it can otherwise be very difficult to start and run a home based business by yourself. Let's face it, no one is strong in every area. You don't have to be by yourself when there are so many of us out there also running a home based business. Because of our mastermind group, my business partner and husband, Brad and myself have developed incredible business contacts not just from fellow members in our mastermind group but their contacts as well. Without our mastermind group, we wouldn't have gained half the education we have from all of the incredible partnerships we know have and it keeps going like a domino effect.
Not to mention, it's resulted into some of our closest friendships. Who can replace that? We help each other with developing programs, tips on leads, give referrals, etc. These kinds of contacts are invaluable in the business world and can last a lifetime.
I returned to my Master Mind group last week, the first time since mid-June when my flurry of family visits and trips began.With a little embarrassment for my lack of attendance, I quietly took my seat in hopes of settling in and perhaps later taking my turn in introductions and sharing.No such luck.The facilitator, without skipping a beat, changed direction and called on me before I'd even pulled up to the table.I gave my 30 second commercial and in an apologetic manner, explained what I'd been doing the last 6 weeks.The reaction?"Welcome back.""Glad you're here.""We missed you." No questions asked about my commitment to the group or intentions with the progress of my business - clearly the things I was feeling guilty about.With no judgment whatsoever, and a welcome befitting a member with excellent attendance, I was taken back into the fold of my Master Mind group where anything is possible.
That's the underlying theme of Master Minding - anything is truly possible - and your fellow members will tell you this, believe it for you, and encourage you to take steps to make whatever you want happen.One who truly understands the purpose of gathering together to access the power of two or more like minds does so without judgment of others and the steadfast belief that anything is possible.I was able to pick up where I left off with my group, recap where I'd been and what had been accomplished, dust myself off a little and get back into the game.And there they were - waiting to hear what it is that I want next so they can support me in getting it. What a gift!
So, in turn, I was able to jump back into my role of supporting the other members, focusing on their successes and challenges, and offer ideas during the brainstorming session that might be helpful. Without criticism or internal distraction, I fully accepted what each person had to say as their truth, their real intention for themselves and their businesses.Why wouldn't I?With this incredible, unconditional support of a Master Mind group, anything is possible!
If you do not have the right members around the table it does not matter how good a system you have in place, it will not be a success. I personally interview with each potential member before they are brought to a trial meeting with a group.
The first thing I check for is to make sure that the person is not coming for the wrong reasons - to try and sell the members of my group on their products or services.
Whenever you have a group of entrepreneurs, people are going to be interested in coming to pitch their products. Anyone who sells business to business products could potentially be a problem member.
Insurance salespeople, financial advisers, real estate and mortgage brokers often require extra scrutiny to make sure they are interested for the right reasons. We also have not had a member who is involved in network marketing (one member switched her business from a service business to network marketing and was asked to leave the group).
I do not rule anyone out because of their industry alone - people can surprise you and you never know what they might bring to the table. That being said, be very careful as to who you let into your groups because one bad member can bring down the entire group.
The members who do make it through your thoughtful interviews will appreciate the process and will be better qualified for your groups.
No, we're not signing up for advanced college courses.We're taking advantage of our weekly telephone meetings to create an opportunity (forced) to learn more about a popular marketing program manual that we had all purchased at various times over the past few years.
If you are like most people, the universal problem with self help books and recordings is that the scheduling of time to study the materials and put it into action never happens.The mastermind group members have all put bits and pieces of this program in use, but have not taken full advantage of the depth of the material offered in it.
Jen of our mastermind group came up with the idea of using part of our meeting time as a study group to review the excellent marketing material we all bought.Then we can, with the help of input from the group, put it into action in our own businesses.
I've already done my homework for our next meeting:Read Chapter One and be prepared to discuss it.I'd read chapter one before, but my enthusiasm is restored to put the information into action for my benefit.I've even begun to read chapter two.
Stay tuned for my post next month where I'll let you know my progress and the group's progress with the experiment!
EvanCarmichael.com is the world's #1 website for small business motivation and strategies. Evan also runs a series of successful Mastermind Groups in Toronto for entrepreneurs.
Guest Contributor: Hueina Su
