This is the most important thing I've noticed about both my mastermind groups (the third didn't work out and has disbanded.) And it sounds casual, even inconsequential.
You're not in it because of your wisdom. You're in it because of theirs. So be sure you come to each call with what you want to know; where can coaching support what you're up to. If the word coaching doesn't appeal to you, where can brainstorming help?
This arose forcefully in my group of six, when at the end of one session, one of the participants asked us all to look at this question, "How can you come to this call and not be eager to take the coaching?"
I was being a generous ego. I'd gladly support any of them and then I'd listen, gathering what I could. But it takes real effort to determine what I want, what I want now. And to phrase that in such a way that they would understand what I need.
So I really looked at why I was hiding from the coaching. After all, I'm a coach. There's something there about why people are not eager for my coaching. I am still examining this question. It matters to my projects; it matters to my relationship with this group; it matters to my business.
One of the things I keep learning from the Mastermind groups I'm in is waiting for my turn. I keep bumping into my own ego - I keep wanting everyone to be there for me - for me to tell them what they should do and for everyone concentrating on supporting what I want. Particularly those times when I'm either bubbling up with ideas or doubling over with problems
I'd like to think that's only my past showing up. I have overcome that (hah!) But I haven't. And it keeps teaching me the most important part of the Mastermind. I have to listen. And no matter how well I think I listen, there's still more to it.
I'm a coach and the most valuable thing I bring to any coaching session is the way I listen. Clients get much more from my listening than they do from anything I say.
The most valuable Mastermind listening happens when someone other than me is offering coaching to someone else. Even when I know that I'm not particularly interested in that person's problem. Because I've discovered that I'm very interested in that person. But besides that, no one ever speaks only to that person and only about their issue. They are always speaking to me about my issue; I just have to listen.
So my foolish impatience keeps my attention in the wrong place. When I'm only interested in me, I am not paying attention to what is very likely my most valuable input.
I guess I have a lot to share - something from each of my masterminds - now 3. So, first: The more the merrier. The mastermind calls take no time - four hours every two weeks. And each group has different people, of course and a different purpose.
I can't decide how to call them - let's go A,B,C
Group A, the longest and most stable. Each of us has a commitment to fulfill a worldwide mission. The structure is essentially: Share and accomplishment, request coaching, hear the coaching and commit to one or more.
I am currently working on coaching professional staffs on workplace relationships. I've authored a book called The Laws of Relationships. I'm trying to figure out how to spread its influence. I had a flash of inspiration, to generate my book into an e-course and market that to other coaches. Because professional staffs are an under served market. So when I had that mastermind only a few minutes later, I didn't ask for coaching.
One of the participants said, I'm incomplete with this. How come you're not chomping at the bit for the coaching this group provides? I was going to blow her off, but she started me really thinking (so much so that I passed it on to other groups.) I saw she had caught me in, “I already know - so I don't need coaching” - a way of thinking that pops up over and over and keeps me stuck. So a great mastermind question - why aren't you chomping at the bit for the coaching?
Group B. One of our weekly group, R, (now grown to 5 people) is a born-again Christian; the other 4 of us are Jewish. R is called to serve people by 'spreading the word' and wonders whether he belongs in our group. This opened up a profound discussion, that lasted 2 sessions. We were all called upon to look at our own spiritual values and our relationship to his strong feelings. We're perfectly content with his contributions. And -if anything - he has altered our pre-existing assumptions.
Group C, the just begun business group. I was hosting and probably will until we have greater stability. What struck me was when one of the members objected to the coaching mindset. He simply said, why don't we each raise an issue and then have suggestions on how to resolve it? Interesting how the vocabulary shifts the context. I have no objections at all to his phraseology. And I agree with him about the implications that 'a coach' is on a higher level than a mere mortal.
I am fortunate to be mentored by Jay Abraham (probably the foremost marketing and personal/business development mind in the game.) Several hundred participate in his monthly calls on developing passive income streams.
As you know, I belong to two masterminds. I should tell you, having nothing to do with masterminding that in my international group there is now a new mother and an about to be mother. I'm 71.
I've set up and just had my first meeting of a third, brand new mastermind, comprising people in my mentoring group. There are 10 of us. Our objective is to support ourselves in developing passive income opportunities. We assume that not all of us will make the call each time, but I've arranged to have them recorded. We know this will give the rotating time keeper a great deal of responsibility. The time allocated for each of us can change each call (every other week.) By the time my next article is written we will have completed our first two two sessions, in which five of us introduce ourselves each time - and we'll have gotten down to work.
Each session will start with anyone who needs time requesting it and with anyone with no requests for coaching to bow out for the call. Like I said, this will certainly train the time keeper in time management.
Why not have more than one?---One for general entrepreneur activities, one for furthering our commitments to make a difference in the world and one to develop passive income streams... well worth three hours a month.
I've now been in each of my Mastermind groups for about 6 months. I find them fascinating and, at the least, useful. And they're very different. I'll call them 4 and 7 to distinguish them.
The 4 group fell into chaos over the holidays. With only four members, when two were out, the other two have developed a wonderful relationship and felt lonely and neglected (boo hoo). Seriously, we had to get serious about showing up on time and we've all messed that up. The camaraderie is still exceptional and we all feel that there's great potential in the group. We're still groping at how to realize it. The talent level is extraordinary as is our mutual commitment to make a difference in the world.
The 7 group has been running along well with a solid structure. So, naturally, we decided to relook at it. We devoted a session plus to looking at what we would do to improve it. Interestingly, given the state of workability, we felt free to suggest personalized variations. So we suggested that people could vary their time allotment if they asked to. We also looked at each person specifying the context of their requests for coaching, reasoning that how we would listen depended on that. Each of us is living, based on a commitment to making a specific difference. For example, one way of saying mine is that we're inspired and empowered to be fulfilled, living in harmony with Earth. Two of the interesting changes are 1) We finally agreed on a stable meeting time - Imagine how great we've been showing up on time when each meeting we had to create a new time for the next one! And 2) We agreed not to call anyone who was late - This is the we're all adults rule.
Surprisingly, the level of commitment is greater in the 7 group and the feeling of love is stronger in the 4s. Obviously, evolution is constant. See you in 3 weeks.
My Mastermind-7 is working; it's well-structured, has wonderful participants and makes a difference. We meet over the phone, being intercontinental, rotate facilitators and time-keepers, etc. I love it. So how come I forgot about the call this week?
And I'm a coach and I coach others about managing our time. So how come?
Whenever a client doesn't do what s/he said, some real coaching becomes possible. They are not allowed to say, "I forgot." There is no such thing as forgetting. Well, I've put the remedy in - I saw that I ran an errand that consumed the time for the phone call. And so I've taken to including even small errands on my schedule. But that doesn't offer any insight into 'how come?'
There are only three places to look - 1) we share a success we've had 2) we did the action we said we'd do in the previous session 3) we share the coaching we need. So in at least one of those places I was hiding. And as I've looked, I see that I've messed up in several areas, and they're big.
I really didn't have a success to share. I mean - sure I did, but not in the area I was looking, not in the area I'm being coached on. Hmm. But mostly, I have only generic goals and haven't articulated anything really specific. And I will do that - for myself, of course, but also to reestablish my integrity in the group
So one of the values of the group is this self-examination. I don't recommend it as a practice. I do endorse our mastermind's commitment to maintaining the integrity of the group.
I've been writing about being in two, very different Mastermind groups - one is very well structured - so I'll write about the other.
We have all connected on a very spiritual level. We love talking to one another. But we are feeling a need for structure.
A major difference between the groups is that one has 7 members and the other has 4. With 7 members, there is no alternative; we have to have a structure or the group would be incoherent - And if we didn't have established time constraints, one or more people would always be shut out. But with only 4 people, we can ramble.
I never thought of myself as time-disciplined, so two of us got together and proposed this: We would have a strict, time managed agenda for 1/2 hour, then we'd schmooze for the next 20 to 25 minutes. Then we would close with expressions of gratitude and appreciation and a completion prayer or quote.
The structured 1/2 hour would start with something to create the space (up to whoever is this week's facilitator - we would rotate facilitator and time keeper.) Every segment after is well-timed. Each person would have a turn, first completing their promised commitment from the last session, then bringing forth what they want coaching on. Then each of the other three will give their coaching without any interaction. And finally, the requestor says what his commitment will be, though he can take as much of the coaching as he wants.
We've just proposed this though we suspect the other two will agree to it - perhaps with some quibbling about the duration of the time slots. I'll let you know as we learn and proceed.
I belong to two Mastermind groups. They're both new - less than 2 months old - so my writing is really a work in progress.
One of the groups has seven of us in it. We have very quickly created ground rules, structure, rotating leaders, etc. Totally on purpose and immediately functioning. Not only that, we seem to have instant respect and mutual trust. All of us have a common training, though completely varied backgrounds. We are all graduates of Landmark Education's senior course, Power & Contribution, and each of us has a huge commitment that we're using the group to propel forward. One thing I've already gotten is that after 8 years as a professional coach, I've finally defined a niche for myself, something I always resisted. This is reflected in my new signature line ( Partnering Professionals to lives of joyous satisfaction.) Five of the seven are in Canada and we speak every two weeks. Our hardest problem is finding meeting times.
The other group is completely different. The four of us are still scrambling to define a structure. We have completely merged on a spiritual level. So far we have talked haphazardly, but have come to know one another in deep ways. We've finally decided to come to each session with a project and an issue that the rest can support us with. We speak weekly. One of us is in Maryland, the other 3 in New Jersey, but close to two hours apart.
I love both groups and anticipate marvelous results for all.
I've just begun to use Mastermind groups - I'm in two of them. Now it seems that friendship is inevitable (and I like that) and that trust is essential. But what builds that?
Well, let's look at what I want from the group. I want useful suggestions on what I'm looking for (which may well change from meeting to meeting.)
Last time I brought up an idea I've had for a new product (to me a mega-idea) And my group put it down and gave their reasons for putting it down (as well as suggesting some work I could do that would validate their input). I was crushed. But do I trust their input - I mean do I trust the validity of their input, the viability of my idea? Would I trust them more if they were orgasmic about the idea?
Will I use disappointment to invalidate trust? On the contrary, I will use that to increase trust. It takes something to give that feedback.
In fact, that's what I want; that's why I joined this group - to get honest feedback from other points of view. If they shared my point of view, I would only be getting echoes of my point of view. It means I can trust their positive input also - and it reinforces my ability to give honest feedback to them.
EvanCarmichael.com is the world's #1 website for small business motivation and strategies. Evan also runs a series of successful Mastermind Groups in Toronto for entrepreneurs.
Guest Contributor: Michael Lipp
