Stop Selling and Start Helping

Guest Contributor: Hueina Su
Hueina's Posts - Hueina's Blog


One of the intentions of our Coaches Mastermind Group is to share resources that could enhance our coaching and/or business-building skills. At last month's meeting, we decided to add business skills presentations to our regular meeting agenda, in addition to the coaching skills & foundation principles that we take turns to present each month. We would like to invite speakers to talk to us about various business skills such as marketing, PR, sales, networking, public speaking, website design & optimization, etc. We couldn't find a speaker for this month, so, in the interim, Lois and I were asked to talk about what we have learned from Michael Port's Book Yourself Solid. Michael Port was interviewed by iPEC Coaching founder Bruce Schneider last week on his E-Factor show, and that's why I started reading his book again. Lois decided to talk about identifying your ideal client and niche. I decided to talk about the Super Simple Selling System.

I met Michael Port 2 years ago at the ICF (International Coach Federation) NYC-chapter annual conference, where he was one of the speakers. At that time I was a regular participant on his Think Big Revolution weekly calls, and I like his upbeat and empowering attitude on the calls. He strikes me as very warm, sincere and authentic, and very likable. I also likes that he honors his integrity. So I made a point to attend his breakout workshop at the conference and bought his Book Yourself Solid CD set afterwards (his book was not published yet).

In the 3-CD set, he talked about the Simple Selling Process, and it includes an extensive version and a condensed version of the process. That's what I presented to the group. However, I just looked at his hardcover book tonight, and found that he kept the condensed version and called it Super Simple Selling System.

Anyway, if you're like most people, you probably hate selling with a passion. Nobody likes a typical sleazy used car salesman, or the fear-based advertisement. But, as an entrepreneur, especially as a service professional, you obviously need to master, or at least get comfortable, at the selling process.

What I learned from his book changed my perspective about selling and greatly surprised my mastermind group members. First of all, he said, "You are not selling your products or services. You are not even selling yourself. You are selling a solution." That point alone shifted my perspective about selling. The focus is no longer on "proving" how good my products are, or how good I am. The focus is on offering a solution to the prospect's challenges.

The Super Simple Selling System that's outlined in the book sounds more like a coaching session than a sales session. He stressed the importance of keeping the conversation positive and empowering for the prospects, and keeping self-criticism out of it. He also asked us to "stop selling and start helping". When you are in the "helping mode", just as in any coaching sessions, you listen deeply and ask powerful questions to help the prospects zoom in on their goals and vision. More importantly, you help them visualize achieving their goals, really feel it, and come up with action steps to achieve their goals. This is exactly like a coaching session, where I ask empowering questions to help my clients clarify their goals, make them concrete, visualize their success, and create a step-by-step action plan.

You are providing a solution to the prospects, instead of trying to push a product on them. When you look at the selling process this way, you are in the "helping mode" and you are their partner in the problem-solving process. So, it only seems natural to ask the next questions:

"Would you like to have a partner to help you achieve your goals?

And, would you like that partner to be me?"

When I finished my presentation, I could see that everyone seemed so relieved to hear this information. None of us like selling (the traditional way), but, with Michael's new selling concept & process, we get to do what we love to do the most -- coaching and helping others!

Transforming Your Gremlin

Guest Contributor: Hueina Su
Hueina's Posts - Hueina's Blog


As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the intentions we set for our coaches matermind group is to to enhance our professional growth by practicing specific coaching skills and sharing case studies during our meetings. In our August meeting, I was in charge of coaching skill practice. Bonny, the most experienced coach among us, and the one who initiated this coaches mastermind group, requested that I demonstrate the coaching process of "coaching the gremlin", or, as I like to call it, "transforming the gremlin".

What happened was that, two years ago, at another coaches meeting at Bonny's house, I demonstrated the same process that I learned from coaching school (iPEC Coaching). Apparently Bonny was very impressed by it, and she wanted to see me do the same process again. Everyone in our coaches mastermind group are Certified Empowerment Coaches who graduated from the same coaching school, so we all learned this process in school. It's not something new to them. That's why I was honored that Bonny asked me to demonstrate "coaching the gremlin" again for other new coaches to see.


What are Gremlins?

What are the gremlins I'm referring to? You can think of gremlins as these ugly little green monsters who sit on your shoulder and tell you all kinds of negative things about you: "You are not smart enough", "You are not good enough", "Who do you think you are", "You will never make it", "You don't deserve to be loved", "You are an impostor and people can see right through you", etc. Some people call it "negative self-talk" or "the inner critic". The central message is, "You are not good enough". Are you familiar with these gremlin messages?

These gremlins were usually created in childhood or somewhere in your past, when you encountered a painful experience. Their job was to protect you from experiencing the same painful experience again. The problem is, as you grow, personally and professionally, you might not need such "protection" any more, but your gremlin still insists on doing his/her job. Imagine overprotective parents who are still trying to "protect" their adult child, and you can see the problem.

For example, you did a poor job in 4th grade with a school presentation and felt humiliated. Your gremlin was then created to prevent you from attempting any public speaking, so that you won't embarrass yourself again. Or, your parents divorced when you were little, so you were very afraid of being abandoned again. Your gremlin might tell you not to get too close to anyone in an intimate relationship, or you might sabotage your own relationship, just to avoid the pain of abandonment.

As you can see, the result is, your gremlin becomes a major roadblock that hold you back and prevent you from reaching your desired destination.


The Essence of Your Gremlin

You must remember two things about gremlins:
a) your gremlin was created by you and is a part of you;
b) your gremlin is an energy, and an energy cannot be destroyed.

This concept is of course very different from popular psychology.

Since your gremlin is a part of you, and it's an energy, if you treat your gremlin as an enemy that needs to be overcome & conquered, you will only create more resistance and "counteracting force" from your gremlin. Does this make sense?


Coaching the Gremlin

So, what do you do with your gremlin? That's where this coaching process comes in.

Since your gremlin is a part of you, he/she needs to be acknowledged and validated, just like you do. Further more, an energy cannot be destroyed, but it can be redirected. So, in a nutshell, what we do during this "coaching the gremlin" process is to redirect the gremlin energy and transform your gremlin into someone who gives you strength and support you on your way. So, instead of pitting against your biggest enemy who possess enormous energy, we help you "enroll" your gremlin as a helping force instead.

The process of course is much deeper and complicated, and it required hard work from both the coach and the client. Usually you don't attempt this process until you have worked with a client for a while, know his/her gremlin well, and feel confident that your client is ready and willing to do the work to break free from the gremlin.

However, during our coaches mastermind meeting, I had to coach a new coach who I've only met a few times and I totally had no clue about her gremlin, and I had to demonstrate this process live in front of other coaches. That's a real challenge! But, you know me, I enjoy a good challenge.


Coaching in Action

When you coach someone you don't really know, on something so profound, with such limited time, you need to ask really good probing questions, and listen deeply, to get to the bottom of things. At first, I could feel some resistance coming from my "client" when I was trying to grasp exactly in what way her gremlin has been impacting her life. She talked about how certain limiting beliefs and social injustice are impacting most women in general, but didn't answer my question directly. With a live audience (other coaches) watching, it was more challenging to stay focused. I was able to stay extremely focused on her, and kept on probing. After a few more questions, she finally opened up to me and I got the bottomline of her issue. Once I figured out her gremlin, the rest of the process was easier. The change of energy in the room was incredible when she crossed an imaginary line as a symbol of transformation and declaration of her new reality.


Ending on a High Note

After we wrapped up the session and our meeting, other coaches came to pat me on my back for a job well done. I wasn't sure about how well I did for my client, until I received a personal note from her. She has given me permission to use her note as a testimonial, so I'd like to share it with you here:


"Dear Hueina...

I wanted to send you a hand written note to tell you how much I appreciated your coaching.

I was very impressed by your ability and very grateful for your gift to me. Your style engenders trust, quiet strength, nurturing, and peace. Pretty remarkable!

I'm so pleased our paths have crossed."

Christina M. Genest, MA
Assistant Director
Corporate Communication Institute


It always feels incredibly exhilarating and rewarding when I hear first hand about how I have helped someone or made a difference in some way. I'm grateful and honored that my coaching has helped her transform her gremlin and take a big step toward the ultimate freedom.

Starting a Coaches Mastermind Group

Guest Contributor: Hueina Su
Hueina's Posts - Hueina's Blog


The other day, I was invited by an experienced coach & friend to attend a coaches' gathering at her house. She invited about 8 coaches who all graduated from the same professional coaching school iPEC Coaching. Some of us hadn't seen each other for months, and some of us had never met. The purpose of the meeting was for us to catch up, meet new colleagues (some coaches just finished their training), and to determine if there was any desire for us to meet on a regular basis.

It's always wonderful to meet other professional coaches, whether from the same school or not, to compare notes and possibly make new friends. I'm always curious about their business experience, coaching niche and personal stories. I believe I can always learn something from everyone I meet.

Making new friends and having fun is important. On the other hand, if we were to meet on a regular basis, I'd like to make the most of our time together and really learn something valuable from the group. After all, we are a group of professional coaches who can offer a lot for one another.

There were 6 of us there, and everyone showed interest in meeting on a regular basis. So, when we discussed what we would like to get out of this group, and the directions we would like to focus on, I suggested that we made our group a coaches mastermind group.

After a lively discussion, we agreed to establish a coaches mastermind group for:

• mutual support
  
• mutual accountability
  
• interpersonal contact

We would like to use our meetings to focus on our roles as coaches through:

• coaching skills practice
  
• coaching case studies
  
• business how to's
  
• presentation skills
  
• shared resources
  
• networking & referrals

We also envisioned that we could collaborate to create coaching-related programs & events in the future, and create "energy dominoes" (ripple effects) to the society at large through our mastermind group.

We've agreed to commit ourselves to this group process, and we would send out invitations to the other two coaches who couldn't make it that day. The group decided that we would plan to meet once a month, and test out the group meeting format & frequency for the first couple of months. At that point, we will re-evaluate the effectiveness of our mastermind group. Depending on whether everyone would accept the invitation to form this mastermind group, we may or may not invite more members to join our group.

I hope for great success from our new mastermind group.