Guest Contributor: Hueina SuHueina's Posts - Hueina's Blog
Do you know the type of people who always manage to find faults in everyone or every situation? The type that always sees the glass as half-empty? Whatever conversation you engage with them, they would turn it into a "Who's Got It Worse" competition, and, they are determined to win. They are eager to tell you that they are "just not as lucky" or "not as good (smart, pretty)" as others. Every conversation almost always turns into a "Poor Me" whining session.
Got the picture? These are negative people, and I'm sure you've come across (or even lived with) at least a couple of them.
As if it's not bad enough that they are negative and insecure about themselves, I think the worst part is, they never hesitate to tell you that dreams don't come true (especially yours).
If you have experienced interacting with such negative people, you know how morale-deflating, emotionally draining, and migraine-inducing it is to talk with them. Over the years, I have learned that, negative (or "toxic") people and the negative energy they bring are detrimental to both physical and emotional well-being. If you are chronically surrounded by such negative energy from toxic relationships, it could literally make you ill. The stress from dealing with negative people can cause many physical and emotional problems, and increase your risks of getting major diseases such as heart disease, stroke, hypertension, to name a few. That is why I set an intention to consciously avoid or minimize negative relationships in my personal and professional life.
I've always stressed the importance of choosing who you share your dreams and goals with, and building your own success team. It's extremely important to choose only those who believe in you and will support you in your endeavors. Joining a mastermind group (or starting one) is a great way to build your support network that will cheer you on, offer resources and sound advice when you most need it.
It seems obvious that you wouldn't want any negative people in your mastermind group, because it would totally defeat the purpose. If you are starting a new mastermind group, make sure you pay special attention when you interview potential candidates. Be wary of people who speak negatively about others and/or about themselves, and people who generally complain a lot. That's a red flag.
When you join an existing mastermind group, you might not be able to choose who belong to the group, but after a while you can definitely pick out the whiners and the toxic people in the group. A couple years ago I belonged to a mastermind group of business owners and a good part of us were new start-ups then. At every meeting we shared our progress and challenges in our businesses, and asked the group to hold us accountable for what we would commit to do before our next meeting. Every month some of us had great news to share, while others might have had a challenging month, which is completely normal.
However, there was one member who seemed to be very insecure about herself and her business. Since we are both professional coaches, we became friendly with each other. Sometimes after the meeting we'd chat, and she would say with envy about how everyone was doing so great, and she felt like she was the only one who fell behind. Then she would proceed to blame it on her lack of education compared to others (which is not true), and that it's simply impossible to make a living as a professional coach (not true, either). I ended up having to coach her right on the spot and trying to boost up her self-confidence. When I shared with her my new project ideas, she often said it sounded great but it probably wouldn't work. Let me tell you, it was extremely draining and depressing talking with her. Being a new coach and new business owner myself, her negative attitude and comments were simply more than I could take. After a few more interactions like that, I learned my lesson and stayed away from her. Eventually she left the group on her own, which was a relief for all of us.
I refer to the kind of conversations I had with this coach as "Deadly Conversations". No, they do not kill you (at least not right away), but they can easily kill your spirit, hopes and dreams. What are we without our hopes and dreams? That's why I think toxic conversations and toxic people are deadly. If you cannot avoid such people completely, try to avoid engaging them in conversations whenever possible. Better yet, make a conscious effort to build a sound support network or a mastermind group that truly believes and supports you in achieving your dreams.
Labels: achieving your dreams, deadly conversations, emotional well-being, glass half-empty, Hueina Su, negative energy, negative people, professional coaches, red flag, support network, toxic people
