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4 Questions to Listen to Others, Respect their Ideas and Settle a Client Conflict Quickly

Guest post by: Sanyika Calloway Boyce

Article Overview: Are you struggling to listen and respect ideas and opinions of others? If you find yourself having a difficult time settling a conflict, especially with a client you can go from frustration to free flowing in 4 simple steps. These work particularly great if you're stuck in a sticky or difficult coaching situation or looking to clear up any "weird stuff" with customers and clients that might be floating around in your email box, office or business.

4 Questions to Listen to Others, Respect their Ideas and Settle a Client Conflict Quickly

Recently I had a situation come up with a client that frustrated me. Often when interacting with others it is hard to listen and respect ideas and opinions of others, especially if you feel like you're right.

From my point of view I'd done everything I could to support her in the best way possible on a particular project that took on a life of it's own- you know, the kind that is supposed to take 2 days and somehow morphs into 2 weeks!?!

We'd both spent quite a bit of time on it, so when I got what seemed like an "unreasonable request" for additional support I was frustrated and puzzed as to how things had gotten so off track.

I wish that I could say I instantly "got "what I'm about to share with you when I received the email, but I didn't. The "enlightened moment" actually came a couple of days later. I had to work through a processto figure out what was really going on and why I was having such a difficult timeacknowledging her point of view.

Thankfully I'd learned from my days in Corporate America never answer an email when you're "heated, hurt or hurried" because it could (and more than one time did) come back to bite you if the person on the other end senses something in your "tone" or chooses to read more into it than waht's actually there.

As I re-read the emailand thought about how to respond, a few questions popped into my head that helped me gain clarity and some necessary perspective for how to better listen and respect the ideas and opinions she expressed.

I asked myself the following questions:

1. What have I promised to do/deliver?
2. Have I honored my agreement?
3. What else (if anything) can I do to provide excellent service?
4. Have I honored myself in this?

Even though I've been coaching and consulting clients for more than 6 years, I had to remind myself of something I'd failed to do in this situation; something that one of my mentors taught me, "it's better to set boundaries at the start than step on toes in the process."

There's something powerful about putting pen to paper vs trying to figure things out in your head. When I wrote down the answers to the following questions, I realized that I was to blame for my frustration (generally that happens when we choose to take responsibility and respect the ideas and opinions of others) here's why:

• What had I promised to do/deliver? I agreed to the all inclusive "help" which has a nasty little way of being wonderfully well meaning but it's very vague and that's a classic cause for misunderstanding.
• Have I honored my agreement? I thought I did, but I had no idea since there wasn't a specific agreement.
• What else (if anything) can I do to provide excellent service? I had to own my responsibility and get both of us clear on what happened and how it would be handled.
• Have I honored myself in this? No, but I could easily fix it by identifying what I was willing and able to do going forward.

The next time I sat at my keyboard to respond, I wasn't frustrated. Actually I was free to express my opinions from a place of respect and understanding!

When you're clear, everything is so much easier.

I effortlessly sent an email that:

a) took responsibility for where and how things had gotten off track

b) provided coaching support and offered some actions that my client could take independent of me, and

c) got clear about what we'd both agreed to so that we would know when it was accomplished

Plus it just made me feel so much better about the whole thing.

So if you find yourself having a difficult time settling a conflict, especially with a client you can go from frustration to free flowing in these 4 simple steps.

They work particularly great if you're stuck in a sticky or difficult coaching situation or looking to clear up any "weird stuff" with customers and clients that might be floating around in your email box, office or business because of a failure tolisten and respect theirideas and opinions.

Plus, ifyou can't quite get to the bottom of an issue in your personal relationships, this process makes everythingso much easier.

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Article Tags: conflict, effective communication, listen, opinions of others, respect ideas



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