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FATHERS & SONS (How the Years Go By)

Guest post by: James Ladd

Article Overview: Many of you have children who have just graduated from university or college and/or who are about to graduate from high school this month. Congratulations for all of your perseverance and hard work in getting your kids there! They would not have been able to do it without your support and guidance. This months article is to draw your attention too and remind particularly all of the dads around this; “Fathers Day,” that these are “the moments of our lives.” These are the moments that should be reflective of what we value and cherish most.

FATHERS & SONS (How the Years Go By)

The month of June and the year 2010 are turning out to be very special for me and for my two wonderful sons, for two great reasons; Chris and Aedan are both graduating.

Chris graduated from the University of Winnipeg on Friday, June 11^th with his second degree and Aedan will graduate from St. Paul’s High School with honours on Tuesday, June 29^th.

It is of course special because I love my boys very much and because it represents a significant accomplishment in both of their young lives.

Chris’s choice to go to university came as a pleasant surprise to me and his decision to work toward two degrees was a gift to himself and a wonderful gift in my life as his father. Needless to say, I am very proud of the man he is becoming and his accomplishments. In the larger scheme of things I would have never expected this going back a number of years. But then sometimes life is full of pleasant surprises!

I said ‘very’ special but in its way a bittersweet time for me too because not so many years ago the odds of me being alive to see my son Aedan graduate from St. Paul’s were slim at best.

The fall of 2001 was when I first became ill. Aedan at that time was 9 years old and in grade 4. By February of 2002 I was no longer able to work and found myself confined either to home or a hospital bed as I began in earnest the greatest struggle of my life, the struggle to stay alive long enough to receive a double lung transplant. It finally came in August of 2003 and just in time. For all three of my children; Chris, Marnie and Aedan it was a very difficult time, more so for Aedan because he was so, so young.

My struggle to stay alive required me to muster all the emotional, spiritual and physical strength I could and too lean on family, friends, community and the medical profession for support along the way to keep me going. Part of my process and something that helped me considerably was to set goals. One of the goals I set was to stay alive long enough to see my son Aedan graduate from high school. It is bittersweet because it is a happy and joyous time but also brings back memories of a dark and difficult period in both Aedan’s and my life. I have with Aedan’s help achieved that goal! Chris was a bonus!

How the Years Go By

Many of you have children who have just graduated from university or college and/or who are about to graduate from high school this month. And I say to all you dads and moms, congratulations for all of your perseverance and hard work in getting your kids there! They would not have been able to do it without your support and guidance. I am sure it has been a labour of love for each of you. Their success is your success and in addition to it being their celebration it is yours as well, so enjoy and bask in the warmth and the glow of a job well done.

My main reason for sharing some of my personal experience and proud moments is to draw your attention too and remind particularly all of the dads around this; “Fathers Day,” that these are “the moments of our lives.” These are the moments that should be reflective of what we value and cherish most that define us, that are a part of our life’s purpose and journey. For our children of course, graduation represents a significant milestone in their early personal growth and development.

It is a thoughtful time in our lives too as it brings into sharp focus how quickly the years are slipping by and how life’s true meaning can get away on us if we are not paying attention. Think about this, by the time your son has reached his graduation most of the time spent living at home will have passed and that is a scary thought.

He will have along with your help and his mothers, lived through some very significant events in his life; beginning of course with his birth it seems now so long ago. You have witnessed his first words, first steps, his learning to ride a bicycle, kindergarten, going off to grade school, playing on his first sports team, music lessons, starting high school, turning sixteen and driving, dating for the first time, finally graduating high school and reaching drinking age at about the same time, than on to university or college.

Yes, you would have been there or around the periphery to change his diapers, wipe his nose, bandage his wounds, feed him, teach him to dress himself, tie his skates when he began his hockey, drove him to practice at 5:30 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday morning, froze to death cheering from the stands, soccer, basketball, volleyball, football, helped him with homework, played catch, sat through Christmas plays and pageants, taught him to drive, picked him up from parties in high school when he was drinking and didn’t want to drive, you reminded him of his chores, sent him out to cut the grass, shovel snow, clean his room, the list goes on. You remember it all as if it were yesterday and you also remember the purpose behind the way you parented was all intended to pass along your values, teach responsibility, discipline and a strong work ethic, although he probably perceived your behaviour at the time as madness!

During this time dads often ask themselves these questions; “Did I do the very best I could while he was growing up, was I there for him at critical times, did he feel like he could count on me when needed? Did I tell him I loved him enough, did I set a good example?” Tough questions when you reflect back upon time you cannot recover especially if your personal evaluation brings you up short.

Well, my money is on all of you and I bet that in spite of all the distractions along the way you were never far away when needed and that your son knows that about you and respects you for it.

There is of course some wonderful times ahead for both of you as your boy moves on to his first official job after finishing school, marriage, buying a home, grandchildren, birthdays and special occasions as life begins to inevitably repeat itself.

Yes, the relationship between father and son is a special one and any man who makes the decision to have a son and to be a father is taking on one of the most important responsibilities of his life so he needs to get it right at least most of the time. Just be patient your children will show you how it is done.

And with some luck perhaps one day your son will say; “I am my father’s son,” and say it with pride. You will know then that you did something right for him and feel that same pride with just a twinge of satisfaction!

I hope that all you dads had a great Father’s Day this past Sunday.

A Final Note

I have been blessed with many things in my life, and yes amazingly, have made some very good life choices. The very best decision that I ever made was to be a father and as it turned out a father to three children; two sons and a daughter. Over the course of 40+ years they have taught me an unbelievable amount about parenting but perhaps most of all about myself. I can say upon reflection and unequivocally that my kids have played a hugely significant role in the man that I am today. No question at times being a parent has been a challenge but has never come with any regret.

They have taught me to be more patience and tolerant, they have taught me the true meaning of giving and unselfishness, with no thought of anything in return, although what comes back at times is indescribable. I have become a quieter and gentler person, I learned to notice the simpler things in life, especially when they were younger and too find a place of calm when all around me seemed in chaos.

In trying to understand the needs and desires of my kids as they grew, I learned that I did not have to know it all and that at each stage of my children’s growth I was learning from them. Finally and within the last seven years have learned that I often communicate my best lessons to them by the example I set and by my ability to just listen.

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Article Tags: graduation, growth and development, journey, perseverance, support and guidance, warmth



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