ITS EXHAUSTING RUNNING FROM THE PAST
ITS EXHAUSTING RUNNING FROM THE PAST
One of the most significant of maladaptive behaviours employed by many is to continually run from their past, and as many have found out, “it is exhausting!”
Running from the past essentially means avoiding (not confronting) tough issues that remain unresolved from our past early life experiences. Examples of this might be; physical, sexual abuse (parent, relative, sibling), a controlling environment, an alcoholic parent, betrayal, abandonment, chronic illness, the withholding of love, always being made to feel inadequate, lose of a loved one at an early age to name a few.
No one is immune to these experiences, most families to a lesser or greater degree, are dysfunctional. Being highly intelligent, physically attractive, blessed with outstanding physical abilities or talents in no way protects you from these early life experiences. Just because you are “gifted” by some physical or mental ability affords no particular protection. All of us come to the game of life with first family experiences.
Symptoms of running from your past (avoidance) can include; frequent colds, depression, stomach trouble, headaches, feelings of isolation, anxiety, a sense of dread and foreboding, loss of appetite, driving oneself, lose of interest in sex, outbursts of anger, inability to accept feedback, uncontrollable thoughts. I have even met some who run to run from the past!
A very interesting component to this from the world of stress management is something called the; “General Adaptation Syndrome," which is a concept that was developed by Hans Selye the famous pioneer in stress research. It refers to the non-specific response of the body to any demands at a certain point in time. It consists of three stages:
ALARM: characterized by confusion, disorientation, and even distortion of reality, resistance is down, while the body tries to make sense of what is happening so as to respond in a way that will protect itself. This is a particularly vulnerable time but is usually short lived.
RESISTANCE: resistance rises above normal as most of the signs characteristic of the alarm reaction have vanished. The signs that appear now (symptoms of stress) are typical of the symptoms that may appear when running from your past. Now these first two stages are considered normal and we move in and out of them many times. Only by doing so do we adapt enough to face the demands of life. But what if we stay in this resistance stage, not dealing with the current stress in our lives or continually running from our past? After a while we begin to think and feel that these symptoms we experience are in fact normal, we forget what it was really like to feel and actually be normal. Severe, prolonged and unresolved stress can lead to the final stage.
EXHAUSTION: or simply a breakdown in the body, which can come in the form of disease or in the extreme, death unless the symptoms of stress are resolved in time.
So here it is; not only are you living a life of “quiet desperation,” your body is continually and quite literally resisting what life was truly meant to be, and perhaps even without you knowing why! A sorry state of existence, don’t you think?
Depending upon what you may be running from in your past can have a significant detrimental and negative impact on how you live today and into the future. For example; while growing up, if you were continually made to feel inadequate by one or both of your parents or even sibling for that matter, you will likely experience a low level of self-esteem or negative view of self as an adult. This translates into a constant struggle and doubt about your abilities to perform, to make decisions, to have faith in your work, to questioning yourself about your role as a parent, friend, lover, partner.
And remember this too; if you find yourself running from issues in your life “right now,” the running is actually tied to your accumulated mileage over many years!
Know that what we all share in common is our humanness; our basic need for love, acceptance and understanding. If this is missing from your life you must be able to recognize the signs, take responsibility, and find the courage to reach out for help and support. To do this is a sign of strength. I know that all of you have a story, I have mine and we all have options!
No one ever said that living a meaningful life, a life with substance would be easy. This business of living is difficult, but if we work hard at it there will be times of absolute joy and a feeling that at least once in a while we get it right.
“I have met my hero, and he is me,”(George Sheehan, Running Pioneer). Be your own hero, stop running from your past and take a stand, you will be surprised at how “freeing” it can be! Turn your energy towards running to the light, find your place of strength and confront your past.
James Ladd
Your Personal Coach
THE COLOUR VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE CAN BE DOWNLOADED AND/OR PRINTED FROM THE "NEWS" SECTION OF MY WEBSITE.
ITS EXHAUSTING RUNNING FROM THE PAST - To learn more about this author, visit James Ladd's Website.
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It is said that we are pretty much formed very early in our lives by our “first family” experiences. The way we are socialized; that is simply, how we are taught to see and behave in the world by our parents in relationship to them, our siblings and the community in general, plays the most significant role in our formation leading into adulthood. Yes, we have to acknowledge genetics to some extent playing a role here, so I will do that. But this is not an argument about one or the other. I want to write here about dealing with our pasts’.
One of the most significant of maladaptive behaviours employed by many is to continually run from their past, and as many have found out, “it is exhausting!”
Running from the past essentially means avoiding (not confronting) tough issues that remain unresolved from our past early life experiences. Examples of this might be; physical, sexual abuse (parent, relative, sibling), a controlling environment, an alcoholic parent, betrayal, abandonment, chronic illness, the withholding of love, always being made to feel inadequate, lose of a loved one at an early age to name a few.
No one is immune to these experiences, most families to a lesser or greater degree, are dysfunctional. Being highly intelligent, physically attractive, blessed with outstanding physical abilities or talents in no way protects you from these early life experiences. Just because you are “gifted” by some physical or mental ability affords no particular protection. All of us come to the game of life with first family experiences.
Symptoms of running from your past (avoidance) can include; frequent colds, depression, stomach trouble, headaches, feelings of isolation, anxiety, a sense of dread and foreboding, loss of appetite, driving oneself, lose of interest in sex, outbursts of anger, inability to accept feedback, uncontrollable thoughts. I have even met some who run to run from the past!
A very interesting component to this from the world of stress management is something called the; “General Adaptation Syndrome," which is a concept that was developed by Hans Selye the famous pioneer in stress research. It refers to the non-specific response of the body to any demands at a certain point in time. It consists of three stages:
ALARM: characterized by confusion, disorientation, and even distortion of reality, resistance is down, while the body tries to make sense of what is happening so as to respond in a way that will protect itself. This is a particularly vulnerable time but is usually short lived.
RESISTANCE: resistance rises above normal as most of the signs characteristic of the alarm reaction have vanished. The signs that appear now (symptoms of stress) are typical of the symptoms that may appear when running from your past. Now these first two stages are considered normal and we move in and out of them many times. Only by doing so do we adapt enough to face the demands of life. But what if we stay in this resistance stage, not dealing with the current stress in our lives or continually running from our past? After a while we begin to think and feel that these symptoms we experience are in fact normal, we forget what it was really like to feel and actually be normal. Severe, prolonged and unresolved stress can lead to the final stage.
EXHAUSTION: or simply a breakdown in the body, which can come in the form of disease or in the extreme, death unless the symptoms of stress are resolved in time.
So here it is; not only are you living a life of “quiet desperation,” your body is continually and quite literally resisting what life was truly meant to be, and perhaps even without you knowing why! A sorry state of existence, don’t you think?
Depending upon what you may be running from in your past can have a significant detrimental and negative impact on how you live today and into the future. For example; while growing up, if you were continually made to feel inadequate by one or both of your parents or even sibling for that matter, you will likely experience a low level of self-esteem or negative view of self as an adult. This translates into a constant struggle and doubt about your abilities to perform, to make decisions, to have faith in your work, to questioning yourself about your role as a parent, friend, lover, partner.
And remember this too; if you find yourself running from issues in your life “right now,” the running is actually tied to your accumulated mileage over many years!
Know that what we all share in common is our humanness; our basic need for love, acceptance and understanding. If this is missing from your life you must be able to recognize the signs, take responsibility, and find the courage to reach out for help and support. To do this is a sign of strength. I know that all of you have a story, I have mine and we all have options!
No one ever said that living a meaningful life, a life with substance would be easy. This business of living is difficult, but if we work hard at it there will be times of absolute joy and a feeling that at least once in a while we get it right.
“I have met my hero, and he is me,”(George Sheehan, Running Pioneer). Be your own hero, stop running from your past and take a stand, you will be surprised at how “freeing” it can be! Turn your energy towards running to the light, find your place of strength and confront your past.
James Ladd
Your Personal Coach
THE COLOUR VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE CAN BE DOWNLOADED AND/OR PRINTED FROM THE "NEWS" SECTION OF MY WEBSITE.
ITS EXHAUSTING RUNNING FROM THE PAST - To learn more about this author, visit James Ladd's Website.
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David AchesonDavid Acheson is the founder of DCJA Consultancy. DCJA Consultancy is a management consultancy business specialising in B2B sales consultancy. They offer bespoke and packaged sales consultancy including Sales Optimisation Review, Interim Sales Management, Sales & Marketing Review, 1:1 Sales & Management Staff Analysis, Management Training, Solution Sales Training, Creation of New Pay Plan, KPI's, run Customer Feedback Campaigns, assist with Recruitment, Coaching, Appraisals and set up Strategic Marketing Campaigns. David spent his early career in accountancy and then moved into sales in 1982, working in Office Equipment, IT, Advertising, Training, Outsourcing and Consultancy. He has held many Senior Positions in SMBs and Global Organisations including Head of Sales Operations & Head of Business Development. His knowledge, skills and great experience of the Sales Industry has led to David making keynote speeches and running educational sessions to key businesses through organisations including The Chamber of Commerce and Business Link. - Visit David Acheson's Website |
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Joe DagerJoe Dager is President of Business901, a progressive coaching company providing no-nonsense direction in areas such as Lean Six Sigma Marketing and organized referral marketing. What others say: In the past 20 years, Joe and I have collaborated on many difficult issues. Joe’s ability to combine his expertise with “out of the box” thinking is unsurpassed. He has always delivered quickly, cost effectively and with ingenuity. A brilliant mind that is always a pleasure to work with.” - James R. If you want to learn more about Business901, start a conversation with us. We can be found @ Web/Blog: Business901.com Web/Blog: FundingYourNonprofit.com LinkedIn Profile Follow me on Twitter - Visit Joe Dager's Website |
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