REINVENTING YOURSELF

Recently and again, I had an opportunity to visit with Geoff Currier on The Nighthawk, CJOB’s evening show. Geoff asked me to join him in a discussion of how some people manage to re-invent themselves and he used the example of Frank McCourt the author of Angela’s Ashes to start things off.               

As a Life & Business Coach my work with clients is all about reinvention but perhaps not in the way you may think. The idea that a person can actually reinvent themselves, that is turn themselves into someone or something else entirely, is one that I believe to be widely misunderstood and I explained my position. The huge misconception out there is this; reinventing oneself is not about changing into someone or something else, something new or entirely different but rather it is about “living life from the place of who you truly are – your most authentic inner self,”(Nancy Fox). In other words we, all of us, are on a journey through life of self-discovery and if as we travel we make an effort to move forward in positive ways that are congruent with our values and needs, we will find and live out our life purpose, what we were truly meant to do or to be.               

“I absolutely believe this to be one of life’s greatest truths!”  

For those who may not know, Frank McCourt after surviving a horrific childhood in Ireland and the United States, went on to serve in the US Army during the Korean War and upon his return took advantage of the GI Bill to attend New York University and become a teacher. For the next 30 years he taught English to young people primarily in high school until he retired at the age of 66 and wrote Angela’s Ashes in 1996. It was an immediate success and he won the Pulitzer Prize. He then went on to write two other books; ‘Tis and Teacher Man. He died in July of 2009.

Was this a case of a man reinventing himself, I think not but rather it was the culmination of a journey toward his “life Purpose.” And he arrived at just the right time to begin his writing. 

In Frank McCourt’s case the hundreds of students he guided along the way as their teacher. I wonder how he affected their lives.          

* * * * * * *

Driving home after the show I found myself wondering about people I knew who had made significant changes in the way they were operating in the world and then it hit me, and I was overwhelmed with emotion by the though of my oldest son Chris.                                         

Chris was in so many ways a typical boy that is at least for his first 10 years and than something changed in a way that I could never have anticipated in my wildest dreams. At his request it started with buying him a guitar and setting him up in guitar lessons. He never looked back.        

To say that Chris took to the guitar like a duck to water was an understatement. He never missed a lesson and never needed to be reminded to practice, in fact had to be pulled away to attend to other activities to try and keep some balance in his life. It wasn’t long before it seemed that he disappeared into the basement to focus on his music. After a number of years I began to wonder if he would ever come out. I would throw food down on occasion so that he would not starve, even sneak down after he was asleep to do his laundry. Other shady looking characters with long hair and guitars would come and go and every once in a while, if the music stopped, I would yell just to check to see that he was still alive!

This seemed to go on for the better part of 9 years and than one day he came up out of the basement and said to me; “dad me and the guys have formed a band and are going to start playing out!” He called the band; “Bent Outta Shape.”

It becomes much of a blur after that but for the most part I recall many years of great memories following him and the guys around, listening and watching them play. I loved it! Yes, I became a groupie, video-taped my son as he grew and developed as a musician.

I have to admit though as much as I enjoyed it, there was always this worry in the back of my mind because of what I came to know in my travels about the world of rock and roll. I might lose my son to drugs or alcohol. I watched a number of his friends and other musicians who did lose that battle.

Fast forward to Chris in his mid 30’s and what do I see, my son graduating from university with his first degree and a gold medal in history. He is now into his second year of Education and will graduate a teacher in the spring of 2010. And he can still be seen practicing his guitar everyday.     

From my vantage point my son was on the road to becoming a starving musician for the rest of his life. Needless to say I was very anxious for him but in retrospect I need not have been. Thank god he knew what he was doing over those early years. According to his process not mine, he was finding his true path even if it seemed like; “the road less traveled.”

Did he reinvent himself; I think not but rather is following his path in a congruence way with his values and needs.

What Chris’s life purpose will finally be I cannot know but I have absolutely no doubt now that based upon being around to observe his journey to this point in time, my wonderful son who I love will find it in his own good time.  

That is the way it can be, should be for all of us. Is there congruence operating in your life?                                   

Coach Ladd