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THE PARADOXICAL WAY WE LIVE

Guest post by: James Ladd

Article Overview: How is it that we have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more medical experts but less wellness. We have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more but enjoy less. I mean just what is it that we have created here anyway! What have we been thinking or perhaps we haven’t been thinking, at least not enough about what really counts, what really is important in our lives. If the paradoxes we find all around us are an indication of how effective we have become at living happy, fulfilling lives, we are in real trouble.

THE PARADOXICAL WAY WE LIVE

How is it that we have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more medical experts but less wellness.

We have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more but enjoy less.

I mean just what is it that we have created here anyway! What have we been thinking or perhaps we haven’t been thinking, at least not enough about what really counts, what really is important in our lives. If the paradoxes we find all around us are an indication of how effective we have become at living happy, fulfilling lives, we are in real trouble.

We drink to much, smoke to much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

A paradox is a person, thing or situation that is strange because it has features or qualities that do not normally exist together. Or it is a statement consisting of two things that seem to mean the opposite of each other.



Dare I say that in our rush to (pause) ‘nowhere,’ we have lost sight of what is truly important, we have lost sight of who we are, perhaps have never really known who we are? Maybe that is why we surround ourselves with what in the end for the most part is meaningless but only meaningless when we stop long enough to take the time to ask ourselves so!

Is it possible that the source of happiness or the secret to living fulfilling lives actually lies in an idea so simple that at first we are likely to dismiss it as utterly inconsequential? Is it possible that what we are really trying to find in our lives is actually found when we begin to treat life as a journey and not a series if disconnected destinations, conquests, purchases or possessions?

Well, I believe that truly is or can be if, yes if, we can slow down long enough to care about the quality of our lives and the lives of those who mean

something to us. Begin to examine how we got here by tracing our journey to this place in time in order to find out who we are now and then to chart a course that incorporates a balance between our; physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual self.

Still don’t believe we have lost our way, perhaps a few more examples……we’ve learned to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life but not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.

We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We're cleaning up the air (well sort of), but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the

stockroom. It is a time when technology can bring this bulletin to you and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Making the effort to find out who you are once done, gives you the opportunity to create a mission statement for your life; not just your personal life but also for your professional or work life. And why create a mission statement? Well, a mission statement is your essential reason for existence, or why you are alive! And believe me when I say it has nothing at all to do with the accumulation of “stuff,” material possessions sometimes misinterpreted as the trappings of success. Once you have a mission or reason for living, you have a direction for your life. I mean how profound can that be!

Now maybe you found yourself sitting on the deck at a cottage or by a camp fire this summer and during a quiet moment found yourself reflecting back over your life thinking about who you are, where you have come from, what you have accomplished and where you are going with the rest of your life. Perhaps you have even come to some conclusions about those very critical questions or perhaps NOT?

For others the cottage or camp fire may not be enough to stimulate this kind of introspection. Perhaps you have had to face some kind of traumatic event or some kind of life altering experience in your life or in the life of someone very close to you before considering these questions.

Either way, if you came away wanting to actually do something about this reflection no matter what precipitated it but were just not sure where to begin or how to approach it, well perhaps we can begin right here and right now!

Answering these questions is fundamentally an inward journey of discovery that if done correctly must be approached strategically for the full benefit that can be realized.

However, there are a couple of ground rules necessary before starting. First, one must take full responsibility for their lives. For some this means stopping the blame game;

“I am not responsible, it is beyond my control, others are to blame for my lot in life.” In other words it is now on you, no more making or hiding behind excuses. Secondly, it also requires that you be absolutely honest with yourself, painfully so if necessary, telling yourself the truth when answering these questions even though some of the answers you find may be pretty scary or seemingly overwhelming or difficult to deal with at first.

Know too that conducting a strategic examination of your life is also a journey, one that takes you away from all the distractions or paradoxes that we create in our lives to keep us from facing the truth, that strip us of our very essence, our true selves.

Now we begin by identifying your personality style or communication type. In doing this you get a clearer picture of how you perceive the world and everything in it as well as why you behave the way you do. With this insight among other things, you can better choose a career path congruent with your style strengths. I mean have you ever wondered why some people are unhappy in their jobs. Well, it is often associated with a poor style match.

From styles we move to core values and ask ourselves what we are prepared to stand up and fight for, not bargain away, even if necessary put our lives on the line for…..in other words our guiding principles of living. Now understand whatever methods you use to identify values know that you cannot expect to lead a fulfilling, purposeful life if you compromise them in any way, in other words step outside of congruence with them.

In looking at the many paradoxes mentioned here, leads us to the next step that of identifying needs. Most of the examples sited actually represent wants and not needs. The difference quite literally is that wants represent things that you absolutely do not require. Needs on the other hand, represent absolute requirements for living (i.e. food, shelter, clothing). It of course was Abraham Maslow who I have mentioned numerous times in my bulletins who gave us the; “Hierarchy of Needs” and coined the phrase “need tension.” Unlike your personality and values, needs can change, depending upon life’s circumstances. The trick or challenge is to stay consciously aware of the need tension you are experiencing at different times in your life and then work toward reducing that tension.

* * * * * * *

This then is a sampling of what you can do to get closer to your authentic self and represents some of the strategic work I do with my clients. There is considerably more that is done in the areas of; how we got here, who we are now and where we need to go, and once complete, this insight into your personal and professional life enables you to bring your life into sharper focus by developing your own personal mission statement and actioning to achieve it through a process of goal setting and action planning, leading to the achievement of those goals.

Abraham Maslow is credited with saying; “what a man can be, he must be.” Just remember that it is never to late to start again, particularly if you believe that life is a journey and not a destination, even if you think that you may be running out of time.

My thanks to Dr. Bob Moorhead for his examples of paradox in our lives.

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Article Tags: life purpose, needs, paradox, values



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