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The Psychology of Influence or Opening the Customer’s Mind

Guest post by: Sam Allman

Article Overview: How do you change the mind of someone who is convinced they are right when they are wrong? How do you keep a customer from not going forward when they object? Handling objections is a master skill of peak performing sales people.

The Psychology of Influence or Opening the Customer’s Mind

Many average sales people struggle with this skill because they don’t understand the psychology of influence. They think that all that is needed is a brilliant articulation of the facts or a skillful debate with the customer. “All great salespeople are silver-tongued. They can sell ice cubes to Eskimos. They have a way with words.”

Have you ever won a debate or an argument? Are you sure? Who said you were the winner? Who decided the winner? Rarely is an argument or debate ever truly won. Usually, both sides end the argument more convinced of their position.

The fact is when a team a debaters prepare to meet in competition, which ever side of the issue they choose to support, the preparation and the emotional intensity invested in the debate itself convinces them of the rightness of their cause. Upon completion of the debate, the winner is not decided by which side capitulates, but by a judge or group of judges. Rarely, does the losing team feel they should have lost. They claim lack of preparation, biased judges, weak evidence, etc. The fact is, arguing or debating your cause does not work. It will rarely produce the desired result: an opponent convinced that you are right. “A person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

There are two psychological factors are at work in this scenario. The first is the Law of Investment. This law says, “What is invested in is valued.” It’s the reason children do not value the things given them as much as the things they’ve earned. It’s why my son never brings my car back cleaned and filled with gas; but when he takes his car, he charges his friends for gas and wipes off any dust off his car. It’s why mothers love that newborn infant the moment of birth. She loves the child because she has invested nine months of her life to bring life to this child.

The psychological impact of the Law of Investment requires that a customer feel obligated to defend an objection that they have articulated. “When we say it, we own it, it’s ours and thus we feel a psychological obligation to defend it.” That’s why arguing and debating are more or less useless activities. In fact, arguing and debating usually produce the opposite affect because the other person walks away even more convinced they are right and you are wrong. Their investment closes their mind.

The other psychological effect is that if a customer feels that you are attacking their objection, you are attacking them personally. When a customer feels threatened, they react like our early ancestors did: they protect themselves, either fight (argue) or flee (withdraw or leave). If your words are overpowering, they may realize that they can’t compete on your level, they capitulate, say you have won, they leave but, their thinking goes unchanged. “You win the battle, but lose the war or the sale.” The end result is that you have failed to change the thinking of the customer.

The main problem when the customer is in this defensive mode is he or she is not open to influence. The defensive mind closes and ceases to allow contrary information in. Influencing or convincing anyone can be done only if they have opened their mind. The big question is, what opens a mind?

Empathy opens the mind. When your customers feel understood they are more open to influence. Empathy leads to trust – It makes the connection. Through the feelings of empathy and compassion we help ourselves learn and grow, and we enable our customers to begin to feel safe enough to talk about themselves – without the fear of being judged, criticized, or abandoned.

Empathy is the number one quality of top performing salespeople. To be empathetic is to be understanding and considerate, and to attempt to see things from another person’s perspective. The paradox is that if you want to influence someone, you have to be willing to listen and be influenced yourself. We all get frustrated and discouraged when others fail to give it to us. Bill Brooks, a renowned sales trainer, says if the customer’s mind is opened, there is a 91% chance a sale will be made.

The most effective way to handle an objection is to bring it up before the customer does. Actually, bringing up a weakness or a potential objection before the customer does will build trust. The action proves to the customer that the salesperson will not just promise anything to get the sale. What does a typical salesperson promise? Anything; he’ll promise what ever it takes to get the customer to buy.

The advantage of articulating the objection before the customer does is that it’s always easier to answer your own objection. It gives you tactical advantage.
If the customer raises the objection, then they own it and they’ll feel a psychological obligation to defend it. “The real skill in handling sales resistance is preventing it in the first place.”

Since there are a finite number of objections, great salespeople anticipate the most common objections: price, terms, delivery, etc. and work them into their presentations. They “have standard replies with any objection.” “The only successful generals in the world are those who can accurately anticipate the strategic actions of their opponents and therefore tactically outmaneuver them,” says Mao Zedong.

But if a customer has articulated an objection, care must be given by not putting her in the position of defending it. That’s where empathy comes in. Empathy eliminates defensiveness, either arguing or withdrawing. The process is called “cushioning.” By listening intently and saying to the customer, “I understand how you feel”, the customer feels no need to defend her articulation. When you say you understand, it does not mean that you agree, only that you have understood. Cushioning opens the customer’s mind because it does not make them feel the need to defend themselves. It opens their mind instead of closing it. You can then proceed to discuss how the objection is handled.

Never use the words “but or however” after the cushion; “I understand how you feel, but…” It’s like saying, “I love you, but…” or “You look nice, but…” “But, or however” negates the prior words.

Let’s suppose that the customer says that she wants to think about the purchase. A pro would realize that something is bothering the customer and he must find out why she needs to think about it. Simply asking, “why do you need to think about it”, would be too aggressive; it would make the customer defensive. The best way to handle it would be to say, “I understand how you feel, it’s a big decision. I would feel the same way.” This now sets up the customer to be open to explain “why”. The salesperson can now say, “I’ve found that my for customers who need to think about it, there’s something bothering them or something I haven’t explained. You must have a reason for feeling the way you do, may I ask what it is?”

The psychology of influence is not about finesse or a silver tongue. It’s about listening, and seeking to understand. Empathy opens the mind. Offensive tactics that force your customers to defend their position or defend themselves closes the mind. “Seek first to understand, then to influence,” is the key to changing the thinking of a closed mind.

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Article Tags: articulation, emotional intensity, eskimos, group of judges, ice cubes, losing team, newborn infant, nine months, objection, opponent, psychological factors, psychological impact, psychology, reason children, rightness, salespeople, struggle



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