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Self-Discipline: A Balancing Act
| Guest post by: Bradley Foster |
Article Overview: Self-discipline is a balancing act. We are a collection of values, motivations, intentions, fears, potential, abilities, quirks, strengths and stories we tell ourselves. How all of this translates into self-discipline depends upon how aligned we are with our goals and how we balance priorities day to day. The balance you strike is reflective of your personal style of self-regulation. Are you happy with the way you balance your life or do you tend to let things slide a long time before you notice things are out of whack? One thing I notice about people who are content with their ability to regulate themselves is that they are aware of their priorities, they are clear about them, they take responsibility for them, they take time to focus on them and they have a way of balancing competing demands on their time.
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Self-Discipline: A Balancing Act
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Self-Discipline: A Balancing Act
For me, the phrase self-discipline conjures up images of
being strict, tough and perhaps even rigid to force myself to get things done.
For the purposes of this article I use the phrase to describe the way we
regulate and direct ourselves. What self-discipline looks like to you may not be what it
looks like to me. How we do things is a deeply personal expression of our
wants, needs, intentions, self-care, strengths, responsibility, beliefs and
values, an outward reflection of what is important for us. I think of
Self-discipline as a continual recalibration and adjustment of what’s important
in my life. All of us struggle with doing what needs to be done versus doing
what we desire. None of us are immune from distraction. We live in an age of
distractions that tempt us from good habits and intentions. How comfortable are
you with your ability to balance competing needs and desires in your day?
Self-discipline is a balancing act. We are
a collection of values, motivations, intentions, fears, potential, abilities,
quirks, strengths and stories we tell ourselves. How all of this translates
into self-discipline depends upon how aligned we are with our goals and how we
balance priorities day to day. The balance you strike is reflective of your
personal style of self-regulation. Are you happy with the way you balance your
life or do you tend to let things slide a long time before you notice things
are out of whack? One thing I notice about people who are content with their
ability to regulate themselves is that they are aware of their priorities, they
are clear about them, they take responsibility for them, they take time to
focus on them and they have a way of balancing competing demands on their time.
My intention isn’t to judge or tell you that you should be more efficient, just
be aware of how you feel about what you do in a day and notice if it works for
you.
As self-discipline is so deeply personal,
let me tell you about what I do and don’t do well. I learned some of my self-discipline
from my mother who has a lot of good habits and pushes through her resistance
like a bull. Although I developed some good habits, I am not a creature of
habit. I tend to do things as I feel like them. When I exercise good
self-regulation, this feels good. When I’m not, the train slips off the rails
pretty quickly. I tend to put off things like paperwork, collecting overdue
accounts or cleaning. I have to face the fact that I may never ever feel like
doing paperwork or making difficult calls. I put these things on a weekly list
of action steps related to my goals. I want to be financially responsible and
have a neat house. So even when I don’t feel like doing paperwork, it goes into
the hopper and usually gets done in the course of a week. When I face
resistance to doing something onerous like doing my taxes I break it down into
small achievable steps like sorting receipts, invoices and bank statements. I
do my best to make it feel like something I want to do by listening to music,
having a cup of coffee and having a time limit to get it done.
As I write this article I am aware of the
tug of many distractions: checking email; wanting to have a cup of coffee;
wanting to get up and stretch; feeling my neck is sore. Sometimes it’s tough to
focus on my intentions. If I am
not responsible and I don’t hold myself accountable, I find myself emptying the
dishwasher instead of doing what I intend, which is to sit and finish this
article. The tug of distraction eventually proves irresistible so I use it as a
way of taking a break and even rewarding myself for having applied myself and
resisted distraction as long as I could. So let me tell you how I regulate
myself …
I understand self-discipline as the
practice of noticing what’s going on in my life, identifying and clarifying my priorities
(my weekly list), balancing and making adjustments as I go along. The best metaphor I can think of is it’s
like driving a car. Imagine looking over my shoulder while I drive: I have a
goal or an intention (to go somewhere), I get in the car and make myself
comfortable, I check conditions, make adjustments, scan the road and set off. While
I am driving, I continually check the mirrors, stay focused, adjust my speed and
watch for other drivers, all while keeping my eye on the road. Not only am I interacting with other
vehicles and responding to them, I am tempted by distractions and aware of
other things I want to do. If I avoid distractions and stick to my intentions I
will make it to my destination without turning into a fast food place or
sending a text message while driving.
When I face a challenge, I take a deep
breath then I check in with myself and notice what happens. I feel things
moving around. What I notice is a dynamic
balancing as I mentally move around priorities and make things fit together
again. I might do this dozens of times a day, whenever I have to switch from
one activity to another, to make sure I’m applying myself in the way I intend.
I think of my brain as having a shifter. When I complete a task my brain is
always asking, “what’s next?” The question, ‘what’s next’ is the shifter. As
long as I have a clear idea of my priorities and stick to them, shifting from
one priority to another is effortless and clear. When that happens, I have a
productive day and feel satisfied. When I am unclear about what’s next, I become
prone to distraction. I’m prey to procrastination until I feel I know what’s
next. This is where my list of action steps helps me figure a way out. Spending
too much time in distraction mode gives me that sweetly sick empty feeling I
had when I was a kid when I ate too much candy. That’s when I know it’s time to
get back to doing something more satisfying.
I noticed that many distractions came up
for me while writing this article because I found it difficult to wrap my head
around this topic, making distraction and avoidance almost welcome. Now that
the piece is almost finished I am beginning to feel a sense of accomplishment, empowerment
and satisfaction. It takes focus, determination and persistence to push through
resistance and avoidance. After all, I’m the only one who cares whether I write
this article.
Let me leave you with one more element of self-discipline
– self-care. I think it’s important
to be responsible and balance my goals because it’s a way of caring for myself.
If I don’t care enough about myself to do what I say I want then who will do
them for me? I am constantly balancing self care with care for others. Think of
a spectrum that ranges from selfish (extreme self care) to being in the service
of others (an absence of self care).
I balance my needs, wants and desires, but not at the expense of others
I care about. It takes discipline and self-awareness to strike a balance that’s
right for you. I can care for others but not at my own expense. It’s a
balancing act. It’s about you.
I think I’ll make some coffee and empty that
dishwasher now…
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Article Tags: balancing act, fears, motivations, personal style, priorities, selfcare, selfdiscipline, selfregulation, time management
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About the Author: Bradley Foster RSS for Bradley's articles - Visit Bradley's website I offer professional coaching services in the following areas: career/executive/business/leadership/life/writing/relationships and creativity. I help individuals and executives define and get in step with their stated goals and values. I'm an experienced coach, having worked with hundreds of clients over the past five years, coming to coaching from a business background and as a trained therapist. My clients and I work to close the gap between who or what they say they are, or want to be, and who or what they actually are now, as expressed by their actions. I'm also a writer, and communications consultant. I have published dozens of articles in North American newspapers, websites and magazines and for Reuters and Thomson Newspapers over the past twenty years. I published a book on self-coaching with co-author, psychologist and coach, Dr. Stephen Renfrey, called Deep Coaching: A Guide to Self Directed Living. I am currently writing a book on creative life strategies. I write a monthly career column called Ask The Coach in Job Postings magazine. I also write articles and have a blog I update every week. I recently published an article on the boundary between therapy and coaching in Choice Magazine, the premier coaching journal. I am a successful entrepreneur, business development executive, and business and communication consultant before turning to executive and life coaching full-time. I have an MA from The University of Toronto and a Bachelor of Science from the McGill University. I also attended The Ontario College of Art, Columbia University and I have a three year certificate in Leadership and Psychotherapy from the Gestalt Institute of Toronto. I received coach training from the Gestalt Institute and the Coach Training Institute. The breadth of my experience and the training I've done ensures that you'll get insight, clarity and direction from me. Click here to visit Bradley's website   Being Genuine Stop Being Nice Start Being Real A Book Review The Goldilocks Syndrome Making New Years Resolutions That Stick Self Coaching A Guide to Self Directed Living Successful Goal Setting |
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Julia Hartz of Eventbrite.com
- Julia Hartz
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As gigs go, Julia Hartz had a good one. While the rest of her twenty-something peers were merely watching MTV, Julia was working for the network in series development, producing wildly popular shows such as Jackass, Real World and Sorority Life. After two years there she took a job at FX. Nip Tuck, The Shield, Rescue Me-Julia was right in the thick of the hottest shows on TV.
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This Featured Lady was profiled by Ladies Who Launch Associate Editor Susie Lacey.
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