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”I’m sorry” just isn’t good enough - the new science of apology

Written by: Janet Dean

Article Overview: Ever wonder why apologizing can sometimes make matters worse? There is a secret to apologizing better than everyone can learn - essential for dealing with customers, AND loved ones.

”I’m sorry” just isn’t good enough - the new science of apology

"Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift." Margaret Lee Runbeck

Broken promises, a missed deadline, making a mistake, forgetting something important, being late, rude or unprofessional, offensive behavior, misunderstanding or broken communication – do you recognize yourself or your co-workers? Have your feelings ever been hurt, your trust betrayed, relationships destroyed?

People spend 8-10 or even more hours at work, which leads to plenty of opportunities for difficult situations and complicated problems to arise. And at work, apologizing can be tricky. To help improve communication and decrease conflict at work, we have developed a new short course on the 5 types of apology and how to use them well at work.

The common statement “We are all human, we all make mistakes” or casual and careless phrase “Just live with it (forget about it)” could make the situation or conflict worse and would never help to restore and rebuild trust. We need to do more because when an apology is poorly delivered, it can make a bad situation worse. In some cases hurt people might feel that instead of healing their feelings you are just rubbing salt in their wounds. A bad apology is a second insult.... the other person doesn’t want to be compensated because they have been wronged; they want to be healed because they have been hurt.

What insulted or offended people expect and accept is a sincere, honest and thoughtful apology delivered on time. But it’s not easy and that’s where this new course can help.
Today in business, strong communication skills are essential to personal and organizational success. Most of have mastered it when times are good. We need to use the skills to help when times aren’t so easy too.

Parents teach their children to say please and thank you and even “I’m sorry” very early on. The children are unknowingly learning to say I’m sorry to please their mum or dad and not actually mean the apology. We carry this strategy into our adult lives.

Learning the correct actions and words to apologize are not enough. It greatly helps your understanding and success if you learn what not to do as well so you can avoid the apologizing mistakes so many of us make over and over again.

For me, the non-apology apology” is the worst says an anonymous employee. “When my boss says “I am sorry IF I….. I feel the non-apology apology coming and immediately tune out. People like my boss need to learn how to apologize properly – this course would be great for them.”

Mark Schenkle, an Administrative Manager says, “ if only my staff knew how to apologize, we could let go of the issue and move on. Instead, they blame each other, hand me those non-apology apologies and in some cases just give me the “I’m sorry” I am sure they used on their mom and dad.”

Everyone can get better at communicating their apology and regret.
The ACT Apology course is available as a 1 hour lunch and learn of a half day workshop. Topics include the 5 languages of apology, identifying and removing barriers to apology, where and when not to apologize as well as sample scripts and letters to help you apologize more effectively.

"An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything." Lynn Johnston

Related Articles
  AN APOLOGY: THE MOST POWERFUL TOOL OF LEADERSHIP
  Communication Skills - What we need to be Aware of.
  Find out how to Communicate Effectivly
  Marketing - Art or Science?
  Powerful Communication: Apology Do’s and Don’ts

Article Tags: apology, bad situation, co workers, communication skills, dad, decrease conflict, difficult situations, feelings, gracious gift, insult, lovely perfume, margaret lee, mistake, misunderstanding, offensive behavior, organizational success, parents, phrase, relationships, wounds



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