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Our Quality of Life Depends on the Quality of Our Communications

Guest post by: Peter deLisser

Article Overview: The choice we make between developing a trusting or dis-trusting communication environment determines the quality of our lives. Our use of power, emotions, and knowledge determines the result. Our self-esteem grows or shrinks on a daily basis.

Our Quality of Life Depends on the Quality of Our Communications

A Choice We have a choice to make when communicating with others:

• To develop a trusting environment, one which allows possibilities for personal growth through mutual understanding and action, or;

• To develop a distrusting (fearful) environment, one which allows no possibility for personal growth due to defensiveness and in-action.

When we trust our ability to communicate, we can enter into conversations with confidence and an openness to new possibilities. When we do not trust our ability to communicate, our fears arouse defenses and direct our energies toward protecting ourselves.

Power, Emotions and Knowledge

Clear communication takes place between two or more free, equal people. Unfortunately during most communications, the odds are uneven. Either we or others in the conversation use power, emotions or knowledge to control, manipulate or dominate:

"Do it because I said so" (Power/Boss)

"I'm angry at you for..." (Emotions/Parent)

"I know more than you do" (Knowledge/The Expert)

Battle For Balance - An Exciting Challenge

The challenge of communication is to keep conversations on a level plane, a plane in which both people are listened to, understood, and accepted and the inappropriate use of power, emotions, and knowledge are avoided. That level plane can be maintained if:

• Self-esteem is enhanced.

• Communications are clear.

Self-Esteem - Foundation for Communications

Our self-esteem is either growing or shrinking on a daily basis. How we communicate each day has a major impact on which way it goes. So to ensure our self-esteem grows we need to understand its components and plan for their daily development, then learn the communication skills necessary to identify attacks, neutralize them, and turn conversations into self-esteem building communication - for all parties. (Turn Over)

Self-esteem depends on four daily components:

• Opportunities for visible achievement and accomplishment - daily, personal goals we set which are challenging and provide feedback.

• Clear sense of being valued and cared for - daily evidence we are appreciatedfor who we are, not so much for what we do.

• Opportunities to behave consistent with our personal values and beliefs - daily actions in accordance with our beliefs.

• Evidence of power, control and influence - daily responsibility for the quality of our communications relating to events we can and can not control.

Communication Principles For Building Self-Esteem

Accomplishing personal goals in each area of self-esteem on a daily basis makes life exciting. Some days we reach all our goals, others we don't. But clearly our ability to increase our self-esteem - and the self-esteem of others - depends on our ability to effectively communicate in each component.

Adopting the communication principles listed below takes no time - just a commitment to be responsible for our own communications. They are the starting point.

• I am responsible - In conversations with others, I am 100% responsible for the results of my communications. When others speak to me, I accept responsibility for understanding what is said, no matter how poorly it is communicated.

• We are unique - Every person is unique, including us. Therefore, we need to give up the idea that other people should feel and act like we do because it influences how we communicate with them.

• They have an advantage - When we communicate, we need to be aware of a six hundred word advantage. We speak at a rate of 150 to 250 words a minute. Listeners are capable of hearing up to 750 words a minute. We need to speak so as to trap their minds.

• Everybody speaks about themselves - When people speak to us, over 90% of the time they are talking about themselves, not us. We need to find out what is behind their statements before we react to their statements.

Building our self-esteem - and the self-esteem of others - is what most of us want to do. We all want to be accepted and understood, to reach our goals, to help others reach their goals. Increasing our communication skills so as to accept ourselves and others, with practice, can be mastered in a short period of time. It's a matter of choice - to grow or not.

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Article Tags: communication environment, emotions, quality of life, selfesteem



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