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Decisions Are Never Emotional

Written by: Sharon Drew Morgen

Article Overview: Imagine if instead of believing that unexpected decisions are emotional, we assume they have a very specific reason, even if we don’t understand or agree. Then what? Is it just easier to believe the other person to be irrational? Do you remember, back in the day, when docs said that women suffering from PMS were hysterical and they needed to have a hysterectomy (that’s where the word ‘hysterical’ comes from btw)? They didn’t understand the physiology underlying the physical issues, and relegated the problem to emotions.

Decisions Are Never Emotional

Imagine if instead of believing that unexpected decisions are emotional, we assume they have a very specific reason, even if we don’t understand or agree. Then what? Is it just easier to believe the other person to be irrational?

Do you remember, back in the day, when docs said that women suffering from PMS were hysterical and they needed to have a hysterectomy (that’s where the word ‘hysterical’ comes from btw)? They didn’t understand the physiology underlying the physical issues, and relegated the problem to emotions.

My son has a neurological disease called Dystonia. There is no physical/medical test for it (although it’s very obvious what it is if you are familiar with it), and for many years people suffered with it and had to go to mental institutions because it was called an ‘emotional’ disease. In fact, when I lived in London and my son needed his perscriptions filled from our NY neurologist, our ’surgery’ doc (the UK medical model) told us he needed a psychiatrist, not meds for his uncontrollable spasms.

Historically, when we don’t understand the roots of something we assume there is an emotional component, with the underlying belief being that there is something ‘not quite right’ with the person experiencing what is outside our comfort zone.

BUYER’S PURCHASES MUST COMPLY WITH THEIR SYSTEM

Because buyers take actions that sellers regularly believe to be ‘irrational’, we say that they are either ’stupid’ or making an ‘emotional’ decision. Neuroscientists calls these decisions irrational or emotional as well. But we – sellers and neuroscientists – are rather biased: we see a problem, believe we know the solution, and consider our solution to be the best because it’s the most rational. We forget that every person, every group or family, every system if you will, has a very unique and idiosyncratic set of beliefs and criteria that determine their choices. And what may look irrational from the outside is very very rational on the inside, even if sometimes unconscious.

Indeed, before anyone makes any decision, they consider it against their own beliefs. Would you walk over to a stranger in a park and harm him? No? Why not? That would be an emotional, irrational decision. But you wouldn’t do it because you have internal, unconscious beliefs and values that wouldn’t allow you to harm another person – especially a stranger.

No one makes decisions outside of their beliefs. The internal, private ’system’ that makes up our functioning rules (as individuals or groups) is sacrosanct, and if any decision might render the system useless, or ‘less-than,’ then another decision will be made. And outsiders cannot understand what’s going or become a part of that decision becasue, well, because they are outsiders.

Ever wonder why your friend stayed with her/his spouse? You’ll never understand. But it’s not irrational to him or her; it meets a need of some sort. Indeed, why haven’t you lost those ‘5′ pounds? And why don’t you eat healthier, or work out more, or spend more time with your kids, or or or or. It might look irrational to me, but you have a very unique, idiosyncratic set of internal beliefs that kinda fit together and make up who you are, and if you try to change one piece of this, the rest of the system has distress.

If you were going to start working out daily, you’d have to either get up earlier or move something else in your schedule around. You’d have to probably start considering to eat healthier, and maybe stop having so many beers. It’s not about the gym, or about the weights; it’s about your system and how it’s willing to change so it all becomes a seamless whole that operates in tandem to serve you.

Buyers live in a unique system of rules and roles and relationships, history and initiatives, feelings and vendors and budgets. Change anything and everything else gets touched in some way. Before buyers buy, they must figure out how to manage all this so it ends up butter-side-up; understanding their needs, doing SPIN or Sandler or Relationship sales, or or or, only manages the problem end of the buying decision – the very very last action that buyers need to take – AFTER they’ve managed their systems change bits. And again, no matter what we ask or what we are told, we can never, ever understand someone else’s system, just as they can’t understand ours.

My new book discusses all of this in detail, and explains what’s going on behind-the-scenes, and why. And it teaches how to help buyers discover and address all of their unconscious issues so they can make a congruent decision. Think about it. Think about your decisions and how you make them, and the beliefs you must consider first. Then apply the same beliefs to your buyers.

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Article Tags: decisions, emotions, hysterectomy, physical issues, physiology



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Re: Books for the Entrepreneur - I like "A Whole New Mind" by Daniel Pink, and "Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces that Shape our Decisions" by Dan Ariely.
Re: your personality type? - Hi Michelle! If you are the present-moment focused, this is your result. If it doesn't seem spot on, I'll give you the big-picture focused result. The Enjoyer of Life. You enthusiastically enjoy experiencing the five senses, creative pursuits and social harmony in the here-and-now. You are independent, socially upbeat, and enjoy creating a positive and happy atmosphere. Despite your outgoing “persona,” you are a private person and few people truly know you well). #1 Strength: Comfort Creator #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling 1) Comfort Creator -- Creating a comfortable physical environment. Feels the ?ve senses vividly. Adept at using objects, or ?nding or building objects, to make a physical space the most soothing to all ?ve senses. Also organizing so objects are easily found in a convenient way. Both the physical comfort of self, and others, is important. Often feel a need to ensure those close to them are warm enough, fed, rested, etc. Will easily offer help to others in these areas, lending a jacket, or offering a snack. 2) Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others. Your best type would be: The Conceptualizer. You are an inventive creator of logical systems of possibilities that you use to create processes, products or strategies. Socially, you are sometimes quiet, but also find yourself acting as the life of the party, especially when you get caught up in a debate or entertaining topic of conversation. #1 Strength: Generating Future Possibilities #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic
Re: your personality type? - Hi Zac, If you're on the fence about 2 and 3, I'd think more about them. Big picture people tend to be oblivious to the detail of what is happening NOW -- the colors on a restaurant wall, the layout of someone's apartment, the color of people's shirts at a party, etc. They instead notice the "theme" -- an upscale restaurant (who knows what color), casual shirts at a party (not sure what style), etc. A "trendy" apartment, but who knows where the bathroom was. Gut feeling people tend to act w/o all the facts, and are comfortable following that instinct. "Thinker" people will choose something even if they HATE it, just because it "makes sense." Where as that makes no sense to a gut person. Thinkers are more "black and white" where as gut instinct feelers are more "gray area" people. But going with your selections... 1. Within 2. Big Picture 3. Gut Feeling 4. Spontaneous The Reflective Seeker of Truth. You are a passionate searcher of big-picture meaning and strive to help others with your empathetic listening skills. Socially, you are usually quiet, but can be a social butterfly when you feel like it, though it can be draining to do so for too long. You have a very silly and goofy side, enjoy people and need time to quietly reflect #1 Strength: Predicting Future Likelihoods #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling Predicting Future Likelihoods Predicting what is likely to happen, based on past events, themes, or what has historically been true. Deciding what will happen, based on past events. These predictions are usually spoken with con?dence and certainty. A thread or common idea is drawn from the past, and these ideas are used to decide what will happen in the future. Authorities and past situations are extremely important for deciding what will happen in the future. Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others. If that is your type, your #1 match would be... The Strong-Willed Go-Getter. You are a bold sculptor of the here-and-now in order to achieve immediate results following a logical system for making decisions. You add a fun, upbeat vibe to social events and are often the most gregarious person in the room. #1 Strength: Commander of Physical Space #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic


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