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My Friend on the Street in Shanghai

Written by: Chris Wingo

Article Overview: It's the smallest gestures that often go the farthest toward helping another and oneself in the process. This is a story of a "poor" fellow on the streets of Shanghai who made my day by allowing me to help make his.

My Friend on the Street in Shanghai

Many of us think "some day I will do something good for society" as we wait for our riches to come in and fund our good intentions. But in reality, the best gift is often a simple gesture of acknowledgement, a simple intentional connection with another human being. If we could just see in front of us, we would find little things to do each day with very little effort that would surely help improve our world. This is a story about just such a case in China.

It all started on Shanxi Road near my office. I often commute on the subway from my home in Shanghai to the city center. It’s easier than driving a car or taking a taxi and, of course, it’s far more interesting. Using public transportation, especially in Shanghai, engages the senses and makes one feel much more alivethan sitting barely conscious in an air-conditioned, soundproofed and music-lulled automobile on a freeway in Los Angeles as I once did. Shanghai’s streets are an electric mix of things, textures, smells, bikes, cars, noise, hazards and lots of people. You have to pay attention. In fact, it's good to be “alive” to stay alive while commuting in Shanghai. Always look, listen then look again or suffer the fate of "honk, honk ... pow"! Everyday in Shanghai the streets are the same, yet in some way, everyday they are different.

Over the past five years, I have spent many hours walking on Shanxi Road from the subway station to my office and back. It is not unusual to see an occasional beggar trying to earn their day’s pay. You can find old women, blind men, small children and even destitute youths with their hands out. You feel compelled to give each a coin or two though with time you come to learn many are just fakes and not deserving of even a "penny". Especially undeserving are the ones who use small unkempt and obviously sedated children as props to solicit your compassion. For me the only thing solicited is a feeling of being "P'd" off and in a big way.

There is this one fellow I know, though, and he’s for real. I encountered him many times. I believe the first time I saw him he was walking up Shanxi Road toward the Yan'an elevated highway. He’s easy to spot since at some point in his life he was severely burned over most of his body. His ears, hair and facial skin are all but gone. His hands are red and frail and he often wears a hat to protect his pitifully exposed head. To most people, he is surely nothing but grotesque. Grotesque he is unless you can muster the courage to just look into his eyes.

His eyes ... the burning was so severe it damaged his eyelids burning them back just a bit to more broadly expose the whites. It sounds unpleasant and it is until you look deeper. Looking into his nicely “framed” eyes you can see a real person in there, an obviously good person. I looked one day; I saw feeling, hope, strength and someone with a simple but "impossible" desire for human contact. Yes, he is a real person and yet virtually every passerby feels they have no choice but to ignore him; looking at him, let alone exchanging words with him, would simply be too unpleasant.

I had seen him several times as he sat with a cup in front of him to collect handouts. He always has his head tilted forward, his eyes on the ground. Only occasionally did someone without breaking stride toss him a small coin. It seems that to many people in this world connecting with such a person may somehow bring upon us a similar fate. Naturally, we decide avoidance is the best policy. Yes, sometimes we toss a coin but few ever allow for the most basic of human connections. With this fellow,I wanted to do just a bit more.

I had offered him money once or twice attempting to make eye contact and send the message “I see you” but he never looked. One day, I was more aggressive. As he sat head down, I squatted to his level, looked at his face and asked him in Chinese, “how are you doing today?” After an initial brief shock, his eyes lit up and a big smile broke out on his terribly scarred face. He responded with a shy “ah, it’s ok.” I said a few more simple words and suggested he take care giving him the equivalent of $1.00 USD, a comparatively large sum, for which he was extremely thankful.

I've done the same several times since and each time his smile only becomes bigger, his eyes brighter. Best of all was the day I was walking with a colleague, a long-time acquaintance, a female Chinese national. I knew we were approaching the location where my “friend” often sits and began to tell my colleague about him. I told her “I will stop and talk with him ... when I do, watch his eyes. You'll see he's a good guy.” I could tell she was fully uncomfortable with the concept but she agreed and followed my lead.

As we came upon my friend and he saw me, his face broke into that big smile I had grown accustomed to, his eyes lit up. As my colleague looked on, I squat down to his level and began my typically simple conversation. My colleague, unable to resist, squat down and talked with him too. It was brief but again he was delighted. Not only one but two people, a foreigner and a Chinese, had acknowledged him.

We gave him a little money, said a few more words then left. As we walked away I said, “How can you resist that. That was the highlight of my day!” Seeing my friend's happiness, if only for a few minutes, leaves an impression on me every time. It left an impression on my colleague and she confirmed it was a precious experience. As I write this, I cannot but wonder who actually benefits more from this exchange, my friend or me.

So that’s the story of my friend on the streets of Shanghai. He was dealt a bad hand in life but that doesn’t make him any less human than you or me. He’s not absent as his false outer shell suggests. He craves human contact, maybe unknowingly. What I expend on him is very little and Iamundeserving of commendation. My tiny gesture is easy, almost effortless, and maybe that’s my point in writing this.

Everyday there is something each of us can do, something simple and "low-cost,” but something that can have a positive impact on a fellow human being. As brothers and sisters of this world, each of us should accept responsibility and look for that one thing we can do today. If we do this, the world just has to become a better place.

Thank you my friend on the street.

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Article Tags: beggars, china, chinese Culture, gestures, giving, humanity, improve The World, Shanghai



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