Classic research by Robert Birdwhistle looked at how face-to-face communication was received and responded to. His figures suggest that your impact depends on three factors - how you look, how you sound, and what you say. His research broke it down: 55 per cent body language, 38 per cent quality of the voice and 7 per cent actual words spoken. Rapport involves being able to see eye-to-eye with other people, connecting on their wavelength. So much (93 per cent) of the perception of your sincerity comes not from what you say but how you say it and how you show an appreciation for the other person's thoughts and feelings.
When you are in rapport with someone, you can disagree with what they say and still relate respectfully with him or her. The important point to remember is to acknowledge other people for the unique individuals that they are. Rapport can be described, as 'when two people are like each other, they like each other!' Rapport builds trust and without basic trust communication can become stilted.
When communication between two or more individuals reaches its optimum it's said that a perfect rapport has been established. On the other hand, when communicating with a customer or prospect is hard the situation becomes rapport-less. Some people we meet may inspire an instant connection and immediate trust, while another person can be very polite and charming yet we don't feel any connection with them and our communication feels unnatural. When two or more people meet they immediately start an automatic process of comparison with the other. If the outcome of this process is judged that the other person is similar in some way then rapport is established. When people are in a state of rapport they tend to respond easier to our instructions, suggestions and influence. Rapport is often seen as the foundation of all good communications.
We have an inbuilt tendency to conform to the other person's behaviours and if we instinctively feel that conforming is possible, then we will start the process of building rapport. As people this process happens instinctively and can be evidenced by sharing the same mannerisms, voice qualities and gestures. This means that when two people are in rapport they show a tendency toward a behavioral compromise. It's easy to spot two close friends who share similar gestures, facial expressions, verbal expressions, and postures, to such a degree that they could be mistaken as being closely related. This is due to the fact that the long-term mutual rapport creates a strong behavioral bond. Even when these two friends disagree on something, they manage to keep rapport alive.
The process we use unconsciously to build rapport can be replicated with conscious awareness that is a useful skill for a Sales person to learn. This process can be likened to matching and mirroring a person's behavior to create a perceived likeness. When we match a person's mood, their gestures, facial expressions, we are better equipped to start experiencing how they feel at any given moment. Doing so, we obtain that the person observing us will find mirrored in us their emotional state, their way of living at that moment, and all this will increase the chances that they will see in us someone that they can trust.
If we have built sufficient rapport it then becomes possible to lead a person towards where we would like them to go, or what we would like them to do. At an unconscious level they will know that by refusing it (shown by not matching or mirroring you) they will be refusing to build rapport, with themselves. Through unconscious identification they are already convinced that you are experiencing what they are experiencing, therefore anything you will manage to do they will feel that it's something they can do as well.
There are a number of suggestions that can help your rapport-building skills:
➢ The quickest way to build rapport is to match the other person's rate of breathing
➢ By matching a person's breathing, you'll find it easier to match their voice qualities
➢ If you use peripheral vision (expanded awareness, similar to the one used when driving a car) you become more sensory aware of the smallest details about the other person
➢ You don't necessarily need to match each gesture exactly, you can match a pen tapping movement with a foot tapping movement at the same pace
➢ Never match regional accents and if you are female, some male postures may not look appropriate to match
➢ Paying attention to the other person really helps build rapport because the more you notice, the more you can match
➢ Take a genuine interest in getting to know what's important to the other person. Start to understand them rather than expecting them to understand you first
➢ Pick up on their key words, favourite phrases and way of speaking and build these subtly into your own conversation
➢ Notice how someone likes to handle information. Do they like lots of details or just the big picture? As you speak, feed back information in this same portion size
The Karma of Connections - To learn more about this author, visit Nikki Owen's Website.
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Nikki Owen
(Visit Nikki's Website)
Nikki Owen has dedicated the last 16 years
to the development of sales professionals
and sales leaders for many large
international organizations. She has
coached and mentored over 6,000 sales
people and their leaders.
In 2004 Nikki conducted the largest sales
research projects ever undertaken,
involving 2663 organizations to identify
the 5 biggest barriers to sales success.
This extensive report has been referred to
in global publications as the ultimate
solution to creating high-performing sales
teams.
Nikki is the creator of The Sales
Activator® an award winning sales toolkit.
As a certified Master Practitioner and
Trainer of NLP, Nikki is an expert with
applying seeming complex techniques within
a corporate sales infrastructure. Nikki
lectures on sales leadership using her own
case studies from her client portfolio
including Shell, Barclays Bank and Zurich
Life. In 2007 she became an accredited
firewalking instructor with the
Firewalking Institute of Research and
Education and studies Quantum Physics.
Nikki is the author of 'A Second Chance to
Live' that was first published in 1991 by
Transworld and was translated and sold in
16 different countries. She has been
interviewed on numerous television and
radio shows and is finalising her next
book titled – An Audience with Charisma
based on her cutting-edge seminars that
she hosts at Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre,
London.
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