Successful Salespeople Sell with Passion and Manage by Process - Buyer / Seller Interaction Part One

The “face to face” sales situation is a multi-faceted interaction that necessitates that the Seller has a range of skills and ability. In the series of articles that will be published on this website I will focus on:
a) A sales process that can be used in any sales situation.
b) The softer, people skills that we salespeople need to develop.
The reason for this focus is that in a world of globalization and commoditization the “the sales interaction point” has increasingly become the business differentiation point. The most important reason for focusing on softer people skills is that the last validation performed by any buyer before buying anything from anyone is ask themselves - “How do I feel about this?” Consciously or sub-consciously they will ask themselves this question at the point of finalizing the sale. The action of buying is almost always motivated by feeling on the buyers’ part - not by manipulation on the sellers’ part. If the potential buyer feel’s good, they will buy. If they have concerns or are anxious, they will not buy. Irrespective of the logical needs of the customer, the functionality of the product, superiority of the service or the investment case - people only buy if they are “happy” to buy or if they believe that their purchase will make them happy or happier. This point may seem obvious - or contentious – but read on and you will see - from a sales competency point, the most important skill for any salesperson to develop, is the ability to keep the potential customer happy throughout the sales process.

Most sales courses, books and programs approach the profession of selling very logically. Sales stages of the sales process are defined and sales people are given logical tasks to perform at each stage. This is very strange because marketing and advertising departments appeal to the emotions of buyers to increase sales and market share. Most salespeople are unaware that there is an emotional process that takes place when it comes to buying anything. With a seller’s logical approach, the buyers’ behavior becomes unpredictable which results in opportunities for “win/win” situations being lost.


In the first two articles of this series we will establish some fundamental truths about human nature and the way we respond to stimulus. I call this foundation to sales - Buyer/Seller Interaction Dynamics. In subsequent articles we will look at various sales activities (steps in the sales process) and see how as professionals we can ensure that we maximize the value (for ourselves and our customers) of all opportunities presented to us. The sales activities (steps in the sales process) that we look at are:

Securing the First Interview – Prospecting.
Structure of the First Interview
Control and Qualification
Effective Passionate Presentations
Dealing with Objections
The Art of Negotiation
The sales process and associated skills that are discussed can be applied to all industries and all sales scenarios - Long or short sales cycles of 7 months or 7 minutes - calling on the customer at his office or customers walking into your store – high value capital equipment sales or commodity / services selling.




Buyer / Seller Interaction Dynamics Part 1

Working with Truth.

Before defining any process or describing any sales technique, a number of concepts and principles with regard to human behavior when buying and selling first need to be established. These concepts and principles will be presented as facts or “truths”. Evidence is presented to establish the truthfulness and factualness of these concepts. Later these “truths” will form the foundation of the sales process that is at the heart of selling with passion and managing by process. The Emotionally Intelligent (EI) based selling skills that salespeople must develop to maximize the reward of each sales opportunity will also be molded around these “truths”.

Truth no.1.
Everyone wants to be happy, all of the time.
This statement requires very little to substantiate its truthfulness. It’s a universal truth, but often forgotten by salespeople as they carry out their daily tasks. Potential customers have a pretty good idea of what it is they think they need or want to make them happy or happier. Salespeople responding to their own desire to be happy very often put their own emotional needs ahead of the customers or buyers emotional needs. In the process they lose the sale. Selling with EI requires that we are able to recognize our customers’ emotional drivers, work with them, and put them ahead of our own emotional needs.
Truth no.2.
Action is motivated by emotion.

Very seldom will logic on its own, drive action. Not convinced?

Consider -- Why do people participate in counterproductive or harmful activities such as smoking, drug abuse or gambling? They enjoy it. Initially at least. Logic does little to motivate a smoker to give up. People that have given up smoking had to learn to hate it before they succeeded. That’s why ex-smokers are so vocal and uncompromising on the subject. They hate smoking. The point being that the emotion of hate motivates the action of giving up smoking. Another example is that we tend to be courteous and patient with others when we “feel good”. What will motivate you to buy an expensive gift for someone else? The emotion of “feeling good” will drive many actions.

Emotion drives action.
The heart, not the head, is the seat of motivation.

Why is this important for salespeople to remember?
The act of a buyer signing an order/contract is an action that requires motivation.
Will emotion or logic drive that buying action? In the vast majority of cases, emotion is the driver that will motivate a buyer to buy. In sales situations where logical evaluations take place and the decision to buy is made on logical criteria, more often than not these are accompanied by emotional drivers. Many people are not convinced about this, so a few pages are dedicated to establish this “truth.”

Evidence that emotion drives the act of buying.

Many people (even poor people) will spend their money more readily on “wants” rather than “needs”. This is because they associate positive or pleasant emotions with either:
– The product
– The act or action of buying
Certain products have an inbuilt emotional hook. These purchases are driven by gratification, desire, perceived social status and or just plain feeling happy about the purchase.



 Cars
 Houses
 Holidays
 Home Entertainment Centers
 CD’s and DVD’s
 Jewelry Are all emotional purchases
 Alcoholic drinks
 Clothes
 Cosmetics
 Magazines

There are other products that are more needed, than wanted or desired.

 Insurance
 Industrial Plant and Equipment
 Databases for Computer Systems
 Educational Courses
 Lawnmowers

One would think that the criteria for purchasing items on the second list would be different from the “emotional” products on the first list. At first glance many would say that the items on the second list are logical purchases.

I have been involved with selling IT solutions for many years. In putting these solutions together there is a lot of technical data that the buyer/buyers need to evaluate. There are specifications, functions and features that are mapped to business requirements, cost of ownership and business benefit calculations. All very technical; all very logical. However, I guarantee you: At the time when the contract needs to be signed; the factual detail of the product or service is not uppermost in the mind of the buyer.
The last reference check that buyers perform before buying anything is to ask themselves-“How do I feel about this?"
Consciously or sub-consciously, they will ask this question. If they don’t feel good about the transaction, they will not sign the contract. They will not buy even if all the logical pieces are in place and understood. Only if they “feel” good, will the contract will be signed.

How many people walk into a store or showroom, where products that they need are on display, and walk out again without purchasing? Vacuum cleaners, Air conditioners, Pots and Pans, Lawnmowers …the buyer specifically makes the effort to come to the sellers’ premises … and leaves without purchasing. You as a buyer have done it many times. Why? The seller failed to make you “feel good”, so you left to go and find a better buying experience.

There are many technical and commercial products and services that are needed by companies rather than being wanted by individuals. The need has been very logically defined… Insurance, Banking and Investment Products, Heavy Duty Vehicles for Construction …Does logic motivate buying or investing in these products? Let’s consider some further evidence.

From 1999 to 2001, what drove the Dot.com frenzy ... Logic? How many billions of dollars were invested in non-viable companies? Investment bankers (very logical and business savvy people) were appealing to emotion or logic? The different players in the Dot.com boom – Investors, Entrepreneur’s, Technology Providers, Telco’s were all unemotional and totally logical, right? Right!

If you sell capital equipment to business, it’s a known fact that you have to find the power sponsor in the team that is evaluating the options for purchase. Now let’s look at some scenarios.

Scenario 1 - This power sponsor has an interest and passion for whatever it is you are selling (unlikely, but this is for scenario no.1). The passion for Air Conditioners, Heavy Duty Construction Vehicles etc. is already there. The emotion is already there. In cases like these the sales cycle is shorter. The energy, focus and emotional involvement of the power sponsor will drive the sale. This scenario is not often the situation that we sellers are faced with. More often than not we have –

Scenario 2. - The designated power sponsor has no self- interest or passion for the latest Hi-tech Interactive Call Center Voice Recognition Software that you sell. Your power sponsor has been given the responsibly to find a solution to the companies Call Center challenges. However, the power sponsor does have a passion for fly fishing and you (genuinely) love the sport. In fact there is a secret spot that you have high in the mountains that you can get to because you have the necessary permit. The two of you go spend a day fishing (not necessarily discussing any business), exchanging fishing stories and techniques. If your product can do the job – what chance do your competitors stand? Will the final decision (we appreciate that there will still be a logical evaluation process, but assuming you are competitive and your product fits the requirement) be logical or emotional?

A company may go through a rigorous evaluation process with a long drawn out tender process and in the end they decide to do nothing! Ever happened to you? What happened? None of the executive sponsors had a “good feeling” about whatever it was they were evaluating. So again, the action of not buying is driven by emotion - negative emotion.

Every salesperson will tell you that their customers behave in an illogical and unpredictable way at different stages of the sales cycle. This is because the customer does not feel good about the purchase at that point. There is a conflict between head and heart. Successful salespeople have always been effective at resolving this head vs. heart conflict in buyers. This is what selling with Emotional Intelligence (EI), Passion and Process is all about.

What do all TV and magazine advertising focus on? Features of products? The magic formula for product advertising and brand development is to target consumers’ emotions. So we have the situation where marketing targets emotions. Then the salesperson is totally logical in the sales process. I have been on countless sales courses designed to teach me how to sell. Not one of them taught skills that enabled me to work with my customers’ emotions.

The positive or negative emotional role that a salesperson plays in a purchase can be illustrated by the following.

 Will you buy your dream car from a salesman that you don’t like?

 Will you frequent a restaurant that serves your favorite dish if you don’t like the restaurant owner?

 For products / services that are needed more than wanted - where there is no strong emotional appeal - what determines which company gets the sale? The salesperson of course. Apart from specification and price what is going to be the deciding factor with these sales? – The salesperson is the difference maker. The salesperson who can get the buyers emotions involved with the sale.

Never forget

People will only be motivated to buy if there are positive emotions associated with the product/service, or action of buying, or the salesperson. It’s the truth.

Customers will buy if they believe that what they are buying will make them happy. Customers will buy what they logically need (where there is less emotional drive), from salespeople that have contributed to their emotional well-being.
Simply put, customers will buy from people that they happy to deal with. This is obvious, but how many organizations have, processes and/or programs in place, that acknowledge and work with this “truth”.
.
If prospects/customers are unhappy about any aspect of the sale:
 Product
 Price
 Contractual terms
 Company image
 Salesperson
They will not buy

Companies need salespeople to do more than just represent them and be able to communicate the benefits of their products and services. Salespeople need the skills to understand customers’ emotional drivers and link the buyer’s emotion to purchase.

Later, two PPSS* models (* Passion, Process, Sales and Strategy models) for successful selling will be developed. The purpose of these models is to assist salespeople to change their sales engagement method and target and support their buyers’ emotional drivers at all stages of the sales cycle. The models will allow salespeople to develop the EI competencies of Self Awareness, Self Management, Social Awareness and Relationship Management. It gives salespeople the tools to ensure that they are working with “truths” rather than their own emotions. These “Truths” as they relate to Selling with Emotional Intelligence cannot be changed (they can only be ignored). We as salespeople have to develop behavioral traits (or EI competencies) that work along with these truths and the buyer’s emotional buying process if we are to excel. Ignoring these truths just minimizes the chance of succeeding.

Next, we establish that many of our responses to situations or “stimulus” are AUTOMATIC (sub-conscious) and EMOTIONAL rather than logical.
* PPSS Methodology refer to http://www.openfire.co.za

Response to Stimulus

Many of our responses to situations are automatic, or shall we say instinctive and as we shall see – driven by emotion. Because of this, many people believe that there is little that they can do to change their own behavior. It is this automatic / instinctive emotional response, that we will map our sales process to later in later articles. In this chapter we will explore how we can use our understanding of the dynamics of stimulus and response to change our own behaviors, and circumstances. This will empower us even further when we see that we can use the dynamics of stimulus and response to drive a positive response in potential buyers. The positive response from our potential buyers will come about as a result of the emotional stimulus we as sellers introduce to the situation

So let us first establish how instinctive or automatic our responses are.


Describe your response to the following:

1. Not being able to find your wallet or purse

2. Your teenage son/daughter announces that he/she has a problem

3. You come home to find your house burgled

4. The telephone starts ringing at 12:30 at night

5. The car behind you hoots at you while you are looking for parking

6. A promise made to you is not kept

7. You are trying to phone home from the office, and the home phone has been engaged for the last hour.

8. The restaurant or hotel rejects your credit card.

9. Your salary is not paid into your bank account on the due date.

10. Staff Evaluation.

Our response to situations or stimuli, determines our end state of mind and emotional state. In our minds, our circumstances may appear to be hugely different to where we were a few seconds before. Our state of mind determines how we will view the rest of the day or the rest of our lives. The point is more often than not the response is automatic, it happens without any conscious effort on our part, particularly if our EI, Self Awareness and Self Management competencies are not well developed.

So in many instances, the circumstances that we find ourselves in are created by our own responses or actions.

People are different. Therefore we get different reactions to the same situation.
However, some reactions will prove to be beneficial while others prove to be disadvantageous.

That’s why it’s important to develop the EI competencies of Emotional Self-Awareness and Self Control. Two techniques that can be used to develop the Competencies are CORTS & COSTS.

Technique #1 -- CORTS -- Change Our Response To the Stimulus.
E.g. If we get upset with our partner because they leave the cap off the toothpaste, and we have on occasion expressed our dissatisfaction. If we come into the bathroom and for the 3rd time this week the cap is off the toothpaste – will we achieve anything by getting angry? Change the response to the stimulus. Just put the cap back on the toothpaste and put it away. Let it go. It can be done. It requires effort, focus, determination and patience. All qualities we would want to have in the first place. Take the Initiative (EI Competence), exercise Self Control (EI Competence), become Emotionally Aware (EI Competence) change your response…change your day, change your life.

Technique #2 – COSTS – Change Our Stimulus To the Situation.
E.g. If our partner gets upset with us reading the newspaper at the breakfast table --- change the input stimulus, read the paper at another time, change the start to the day…get a life.

The point is – We can teach ourselves to react to situations in a beneficial way. This is a “Truth”. Our reaction can be an uncontroled / automatic emotional response to the stimulus,or a controlled concious response. The end result to the two different reactions will be different. The end emotional state is different and the circumstances we find ourselves on are different
It’s an important concept to understand. In the one senario the stimulus (or external factors and surroundings) determine our emotional state / happiness level. In the other model, how we respond, determines our emotional state.

There are many books and papers that document this well researched phenomenon. For us as salespeople it’s very important to understand this principle and master these EI competencies. Why? We as salespeople are going to act as stimulus on the buyer.

The question is - To what degree can we (do we) deliberately influence the buyer’s instinctive / automatic response?

Remember – much of their response is going to be automatic or sub-conscious.
We as salespeople will impact on how the potential buyer feels as we go though the different stages of the sales cycle. As we execute our activities at the various stages of the sales cycle we will see that our own emotional drivers need to be managed if we are to get the response we want.

Product features and price aside – we need to act and behave in a way that guarantees an automatic positive response from our customers and potential buyers. To do this we need to understand some other facts about our Human Psyche.




Thinking Ability and Conscious Thought

Conscious thought is different from “Thinking Ability”. Conscious thought is an automatic response to stimuli, whereas thinking ability, involves interrupting this automatic response to the stimuli – and acting on factual information in an unemotional way. Thinking ability empowers us to act in harmony with our goals and objectives. Salespeople should avoid acting and reacting purely on what they feel.

Conscious thought automatically gathers and processes information simultaneously from all our senses. We label it “Conscious Thought” because if asked, we can articulate and communicate our thoughts and feelings. We can do this without necessarily having been aware of the information gathering process or indeed where the information or feelings came from in the first place.

Thinking ability is a skill that we can develop with training and discipline. Thinking Ability an EI skill, it is part of Emotional Self Awareness.

Conscious Thought, Information Processing and Emotions.

We find that from childhood, our environment “programmed” us with the then known, or thought to be facts. These “facts” included of teachings, opinions, customs, beliefs, superstitions etc. This information then formed a foundation for who we have become as individuals. In later life, when we are exposed to other information, one of three things happens:

1) Automatic Acceptance.
Our conscious mind will accept “new” information that we are emotionally “comfortable” with. It compliments and or reinforces what we already have recorded. The information does not conflict with what is already “in us”. There is no conflict between heart and mind. In this scenario, the assimilation is automatic. We call it conscious because we are “aware” of the thoughts and feelings. So if we believe something to be true (even if it is not) and another supporting thought comes along that “harmonizes and synchronizes” we accept the “data” without effort - automatically.

2) Automatic Change of incoming information
Our conscious thinking will change new information to fit that which we have already internalized and accepted. This happens for two reasons:
I. The new incoming information does not quite fit the existing internalized information.
II. The incoming information is having an effect on our emotional state.

In order for our conscious mind to accept that which is not too different to what we have internalized, our conscious thinking will automatically alter the new information to fit what is already accepted and believed. This is borne out by the fact that we have so many misunderstandings in life. We may tell someone something, when they repeat it; it conveys a completely different thought. (Ever played “broken telephone”) An example is a wife tells a story . . . the husband butts in and says, “that’s not what happened” and re-arranges the whole context. They both saw the same thing they both heard the same thing, but their conscious minds have re-arranged it so that it’s “comfortable” with their internal “data-set”, so that there is no “internal clash”. This happens at a conscious level which we can articulate and explain – we think we are employing our power of reasoning, our thinking ability, but this process is automatic and well recognized. It’s called rationalizing.

Salespeople particularly, will be motivated to record more of what they want to believe regarding a sales initiative, rather than the cold facts. If a potential customer has patiently and politely sat and listened to the “pitch” for half an hour and occasionally remarked “that’s interesting”, the salesperson will believe they have a red hot lead that’s on the verge of buying. The incoming information is automatically changed by the salespersons conscious mind to fit their emotional need.

Conscious thinking will also change information to fit an emotional drive or desire. We will accept information that relates to gratification, convenience, and short term “emotional highs”. How often have you heard “smoking is no worse than walking in the city’s exhaust fumes” or “I’m not affected by the alcohol I consume every night” or “Because of my unique situation that law or does not apply to me (Like parking in a zone for disabled people when in a hurry)” or “I let my children watch as much TV as they want because it’s educational”.

Mass Media rely on our thinking ability not being operational because our conscious minds will accept the ideas that are basically self-defeating. Think of the many self-defeating idea’s that many sit-coms put forward as “ordinary” even desirable. Many adverts propose that we should be pampered and that we should not be concerned about consequences. We accept these ideas through our conscious thought process. It’s easy to accept the idea because the proposal is that our “happiness level” has been increased.

The point is: At a “conscious level” the incoming “data” is changed in the process of being internalized. It’s our emotional state or state of emotional awareness that will determine to what degree the incoming information is changed. Very seldom will the ‘already existing’ internalized information be changed by new incoming information. So as we will see later, giving a potential buyer “new information” is fraught with risk.
3. Automatic Rejection.
Our conscious thinking will reject concepts and ideas that conflict with our internal “data set”. The new incoming information creates a conflict that results in a loss of “happiness level”. Factual information can be rejected because it contradicts the heart. The easiest way to deal with a plummeting “happiness level” is to reject the source or reject the information as non-factual. This is a standard response to stimulus. A doctor tells a man that he has gout, and must stop drinking all coffee and alcohol. The response is that the doctor does not know what he’s talking about.

To substantiate -- consider:
From your own experience how often have you succeeded in “changing a person’s mind” once they already hold an opinion on a subject? Try getting someone to change his or her religion, or bad habits. People will not easily change their political stance, irrespective of the track record of their political party. The fact that the opposing political party is planning to achieve something very beneficial, which you may highlight to a person in a very logical way, with indisputable supporting facts, does not result in you changing their heart or mind. If a potential buyer already has a viewpoint (good or bad) on the product that you sell or the company you represent, the information you present will not easily alter that.

We have established that the conscious mind records and reacts to all information collected from all inputs/senses. It does not try to discern what the facts are. It also changes information to “fit”. So as a result we find that opinions, beliefs, superstitions and customs are sometimes held as “facts” by our conscious mind. The conscious mind is capable of expressing a completely unfounded opinion based on no knowledge or any facts to support it. When we verbalize or state these opinions, we will accept these statements as truth.

If we don’t THINK and just “go with the flow” our conscious mind will be able to justify our course of action. The point that we want to establish is that our conscious mind is not a reliable guide to truth, or a judge of a situation.

Our customer’s conscious mind and thinking is no different.

Unless trained to THINK we cannot help ourselves. We will react to stimulus
and then our conscious thinking will justify our actions. This is rationalization in motion. Self Awareness and Emotional Awareness are EI competencies that help us develop Thinking Ability.

So when it comes to Conscious Thought, we have seen that we are aware of and can explain what we are thinking. We may not know the basis for our formulating these thoughts nor may we be able to identify their source. Conscious Thought is a misleading term because it implies logic and rationale. But Conscious Thought is thinking that is formed, based on automatic or instinctive response to stimuli. Conscious thought is also formed, manipulated and distorted by our emotional state.

There is a difference between conscious thought and thinking ability.
The purpose of this section of the book is to show why we as salespeople must
develop Thinking Ability and EI skills that positively support our potential customer’s emotional drives when communicating.

Thinking Ability
Thinking Ability is the skill that we as sales people want to focus on. It may not be important to your prospective customer. It may not even be a skill that your prospect customer has. There is a big difference between conscious thought and thinking ability. Thinking ability is a skill that each individual can develop to a greater or lesser degree. The more developed a person’s thinking ability is, the less the other two elements (Conscious Thought and Emotion) will account for a persons actions. If Thinking Ability is not developed, then the combination of the first two attributes of conscious thought and emotional state will account for all of that person’s actions. We actively have to get into the habit of “turning on” our Thinking Ability. Conscious Thought is automatic, it takes over when our Thinking Ability is not operating (we go into auto pilot mode). Thinking ability can override conscious thought and emotional motivation. That is why the CORTS and COSTS models are so important in a sales situation (and in general life skills). Later we will see that we use CORTS and COSTS techniques to ensure that the way we communicate will facilitate and not hinder the sales process.

Examples of Thinking Ability overriding Conscious Thought

Our conscious mind tells us that it is a wonderful, warm, calm day. Our reaction to the stimuli (or information) may be to lie in the shade of a tree, next to a lake and relax. Our thinking ability will tell us, that the facts are, if we don’t work and get the job done, we wont be able to pay the rent.

Conscious thought tells us that we are hungry. Our conscious thought remembers a taste and creates a desire for a double cheeseburger and a cola. Our thinking ability can intercept this desire and motivate us to eat a high fiber, low cholesterol meal.

Thinking ability allows us to intercept a response to stimulus and modify the response based on facts rather than on feeling and or emotion. In an earlier example we saw: Information – cap is off the toothpaste . . . that information acts as a stimulus which leads to a feeling of anger and a reaction which could be shouting or sulking. Thinking ability, applying CORTS, is the ability to change the reaction based on the outcome we desire.

Convinced of this truth yet? -- Please read one more page.

Has it ever happened to you that you get introduced to a group of people, Tim, John, Peter, Stephen, and Jane. Without any further input you know you don’t like Peter!!!
What happened? Peter provided a stimulus (the way he stood / spoke/ shook your hand/ looked) that impacted on your SELF. (He could have negatively impacted on any one of, or all of the elements in the SELF Model.) Point is, your reaction was:
a) Conscious
b) Automatic

(For the purpose of these exercises the assumption is made that anything in the sub-conscious cannot be consciously defined.)

The rules of social engagement dictate that we employ our thinking ability and not respond in a way that actively demonstrates our dislike. Now if our thinking ability is not a well-honed skill -- Peter will know we don’t like him. If Peter is a potential customer --- are you going to get the sale?

Thinking Ability is the skill that allows us to modify automatic responses to stimulus. To do this we use the CORTS and COSTS techniques.

Thinking ability is the skill that will ensure that the stimulus that we generate will have a positive impact on people we meet.

So how do we go about ensuring that we always create a positive emotional response?

How can we be sure that our prospect will always favorably consider any buying action we may propose?

Remember, when we interact with buyers, much of how they feel about us as salespeople is going to be an automatic / instinctive emotional response to the stimulus we provide.

Truth no.3.
The buyers’ response to us as salespeople will be automatic /sub-conscious.


So far in this article we have looked at fundamental truths that govern our interaction and reaction to other people, circumstances and our environment in general. In the next section we will see how these fundamentals impact on the way we should communicate in a sales environment. Effective communication is the first skill that salespeople should develop. In later articles we will use our sales specific communication skills in context to the sales process that is to be developed.


Communication

The key to selling with emotional competence lies in being able to communicate effectively.

In my earlier years of selling, many sales initiatives ended up without me signing the contract. From my perspective, my prospect behaved in an illogical and unpredictable way. The sale started off well enough, but soon deteriorated. As far as I was concerned I had everything I needed to succeed. I understood the needs and pains of my customers. I had a solution that was superior to that of my competition. I had a referral list as long as my arm. I had done sales courses that had taught me how to keep control and drive the sale to completion. I could demonstrate to my prospective customer how, what I was offering would address all the needs discussed. I was all passion and no process. It did not take long for me to become frustrated when my customer would not, or could not see the benefit of what I felt was clearly a superior offering. When I analyzed the situation it became apparent to me that the information I was communicating was accurate, applicable, relevant and truthful. There was nothing wrong with the content of my communication. The manner in which I was communicating was an issue. The manner in which I was communicating the wonderful benefits of my solution was not conducive to my potential customers feeling comfortable in dealing with me.

It is a well-documented fact – in order to communicate effectively, attention must be given not only to what we say, but how we say it. The manner in which you run into a busy restaurant shouting “fire” will determine how people will react.

Remember, when it comes to sales with long sales cycles - long after the detail of what we discussed has been forgotten, the resultant emotional impact of our communication will be remembered at a conscious and sub-conscious level.

In this section of the book we will look at human psyche or make up, with a view to understanding how we as salespeople should go about communicating. The reason for this is, many of us fail in the manner in which we try to share information. This is because we have a logical approach to communication.

How do we go about transferring information from ourselves to our potential customers so that:
 They remember it
 Agree with it
 Will be motivated to act on it

We all know that if we want to communicate something to someone, we just tell them, right! Herein lays the problem.

It is a normal response to stimulus to verbalize thoughts, feelings and ideas that we want others to understand. Our communication will be effective if the thoughts, feelings and ideas coincide with what the listener already holds in their “internal data set”. As discussed in the previous chapter, it will be accepted without any effort. If however the content of our communication does not have an “automatic fit”, then it will be changed before it is accepted, or be rejected outright. The problem is that the listener may not inform us that this change or rejection of information is happening.
There are many reasons for this:
 The process of accepting, changing, or rejecting can be automatic, even take place at a “sub conscious” level. (As mentioned, we cannot communicate sub-conscious activity)
 Although the hearer of the information rejects what we are saying, they may not be able to identify why they reject it, or they may just modify it to suite their own point of view.
 The issue being discussed is not that important to them that it warrants the effort of activating their thinking ability to analyze the facts and understand why they don’t agree.
 Rules of social engagement dictate that we don’t stand up and contradict or interrupt a speaker. (Only husbands and wives seem to have the right to contradict and voice their differences to each other). So when a salesperson is giving the A to Z, potential customers will not interrupt with an opposing view they may hold. They will just politely listen, but disregard.

So we have a situation where the “teller” (seller) believes everything they are saying – because it’s the truth. However, the “hearer” (buyer) may be changing or rejecting the information.

So, we can find salespeople totally convincing to themselves - as they tell the potential customer about the merits of their products. Unknown to the salesperson, the customer rejects everything that he or she is being told whilst continuing to nod, apparently in agreement.

This has to be true because all salespeople have found themselves in situations where the buyer is in agreement with all the statements made by the salesperson, but the sale never takes place!!!!!!! The Buyer never buys.


That’s is why it is vitally important that we never “tell” anyone anything.

We suggest, propose, ask for the other person’s opinion by means of a question
so that the answer they give is the thought that we are trying to communicate.
If they say it, it’s true. They will also remember it.

We need to use our Thinking Ability to control how we communicate.
Don’t say, “Let me tell you about. . .” Rather ask “What do you think about?”
Don’t say, “I think . . .” rather ask “Do you think . . .?”

We must avoid making unsubstantiated statements like. “This is the best person for the job.” “This product is truly fantastic.” “You won’t find quality like this anywhere.” “We are the best.” If we “tell” - chances are we may not be believed. However if the customers reach that conclusion themselves, -- no one else will tell them otherwise.

If we have to make a statement, we have to offer proof that the statement is accurate from a source that our customer will accept. If possible our statement should be preceded by a question. The question should be worded in such a way that the answer makes the statement we wanted to make.

Example :
The air-conditioners you sell may be acknowledged as the quietest on the market so we could make the correct statement “We have the quietest air-conditioners in the industry” The prospects automatic and/or silent reaction could be “OK” or “ So What” or “I don’t believe that”

If we introduce our statement with a question.
“What do you think about noise pollution in the office environment?” After the reply we can say “I tell you why I ask, these sources … acknowledge that our systems are the quietest on the market and allow for an improved concentration by a factor of “x”. Do you think that this is significant in your situation?”

If the prospect now offers a positive statement of acceptance -- he owns it and no one will tell him otherwise.

We as sales people have to be aware of the negative emotional impact (even at a sub-conscious level) that our enthusiastic manner of communicating can have. The information may be factual. The information may be important (from our point of view.) But if the customer has not specifically asked for it – it probably will not be accepted.

Most sales people know more about their products and the subjects that their products relate to, than their customers. In the early years of my sales career there was many a time when my customer was completely misinformed. I, from my position of superior knowledge about the subject was able to “assist” my customer to come to a better understanding of the situation and then highlight (now that the issue was better understood) why my product/solution was the best to fit the customers’ needs. I never closed those sales. In the process of sharing the information I became attached to a negative emotion. This was because in my enthusiasm to assist, I left them in no doubt that I was the undisputed expert in the field. I also did not have the skills to allow them to participate in the progress of the sale from one phase to the next. I told them all they needed to know. The problem is that a customer will not necessarily communicate when the emotional impact is negative, for the reasons discussed in the previous chapter. They will tell you that you are doing fine, whilst suffering serious “ego/happiness” damage. Be assured though, that should we inadvertently hurt someone else’s ego, they will be less inclined to want to contribute to our well-being. If they do not feel good, they will not give us the order. They will just be automatically responding to stimulus, and still be able to rationalize their response.

To succeed in sales we have to develop communication skills that will positively support our customer’s emotional drives. The stimulus that we provide in a sales situation must end in a positive result. It is possible to communicate in such a way that we always end up with a “happy customer”.

It’s so easy to make mistakes:

You walk into a new prospect’s office; he has an enormous oversized desk made out of exotic wood with a leather top. You go into raptures complimenting him on his taste. The situation though, is that his mother-in-law (who happens to be very wealthy) bought it for him as a present, he hates it because it makes him the laughing stock of the company, but he cannot get rid of it. He thinks the desk is ostentatious and in bad taste. You are attached to a negative subconscious frustration. How amenable do you think he is going to be to your telling him about your products and prices?


One becomes known as a good conversationalist when people talk to us or ask us questions and we merely reinforce their ideas. We become a brilliant conversationalist by listening more than we talk. However, expound your own opinion in a manner that leaves little room for contributions by others, then you become a chatterbox and rude, no matter how accurate and beneficial your information is.


Another proof is . . . laugh at your own jokes and you are a fool, laugh at someone else’s jokes and you have a good sense of humor.



In all the above cases we are either accepted or rejected - not by the logical content of our verbal communication, but on the impact our overall communication style has on a person’s emotional level.

This is the end of the first article. Before we look at how we apply the information in this article to each step in the sales process (which will be discussed in subsequent articles) we need to understand:

The Difference between a Buyers Desire or Need - and how this impacts the sales interaction.
The Personality of the Passionate Process Managed Salesman
The Value of Selling with Passion and Process

The above points will be discussed in the next article.Then with a solid foundation of understanding Buyer / Seller interaction dynamics, (articles 1 & 2 ) we will look at each step of the sales process in subsequent articles.



Successful Salespeople Sell with Passion and Manage by Process - Buyer / Seller Interaction Part One - To learn more about this author, visit James Gracey's Website.

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