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Overcoming the fear of failure and rejection

Written by: Paul Kernot

Article Overview: There are many negative emotions that we all experience on a regular basis, for various reasons and which can crush or confidence and self belief. In my research into what makes some people more successful than others in exactly the same situation, I have discovered six ways to "Switch" your mind to a positive outlook, any time you need to.

Overcoming the fear of failure and rejection

There are many negative emotions that we all experience on a regular basis, for various reasons and which can crush or confidence and self belief. In my research into what makes some people more successful than others in exactly the same situation, I have discovered six ways to "Switch" your mind to a positive outlook, any time you need to.

Several years ago I met two guys who had started work in the same Auckland office in the same week. Let's call them John and Steve. After 18 months I visited John and Steve's office again and found something very interesting. Both were commission only salespeople selling exactly the same product to the same people, for the same price and in an area where they had the same competition. They were of course also working in exactly the same market conditions however one thing was different. John was now earning four times more than Steve. What was it that made this difference? Why was John so much more effective in exactly the same role as Steve? My considerable research has provided me with two answers;

1. PASSION
It makes a huge difference to your effectiveness if you love what you do. Answer this question. During work hours, when was the last time you looked at your watch to see how long you had to stay there? I can honestly say that in 22 years I haven't done it at all. Not once, other than to be sure I was not going over time during a presentation! "I would no more give up flying that I would give up breathing" Jean Batten. Now that's what I call passion!

2. SELF BELIEF
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're probably right". Henry Ford. What I found during many years as a sales trainer was that you can give people all the tips, ideas, skills, role play etc in the world but if they have low self esteem/ confidence it will make very little difference. That's why John was earning four times more than Steve selling exactly the same thing to the same people out of the same office. John believed he could and Steve beleieved he couldn't. Plain and simple.

Did you know that research suggests the average child between the ages of zero to 16 years hears the words "Don't" and "Can't" more than fifty thousand times? So is it nature or nurture that determines who we are, what we beleieve and how we act in certain situations?

DETERMINISM suggests that we are pre determined, via our genetic code to act in a certain way.

EXPECTATION THEORY suggests that children can learn to achieve largely to the expectations of the significant people in their lives.

I am a firm believer that both nature and nurture play a part but that nurture is responsible for 80% of our thoughts and actions as adults.

Regardless of how we became who and what we are, the real queation is; can we change and improve if we decide we want to? The answer is of course, yes we can, but only if we have passion, desire and goals.

Here are my six ways to instantly "Switch" your mind to a positive default. Any time you want to!

1. Affirmations/ Visualisation
Scientists have proven that the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between a real and a vividly imagined experience. Therefore, if you regularly imagine and affirm outloud how you want to feel and how you want the outcome of any given situation to be, eventually that will become your truth. Your subconscious mind will go looking for ways to make what you have told it already exists, a reality.

2. Music
What is your favourite uplifting piece of music? How does it make you feel when you hear it? Get a CD of your favourite music and play it in your car just before you go in to an important meeting. Music has an incredible power to change your mood and mental state instantly. Don't make the mistake of leaving this to chance during those critical moments in each day. Do you sing in the shower in the morning? If you got into that habit, do you think you would sing a song you like or one you don't like? If you sing a song you like at the beginning of every day, do you think the positive mental state you put yourself into each and
every morning would begin to have an affect on your life?

3. Motivational, Educational, Inspirational CD's
Further to the idea above, collect a set of CD's to keep in your car of your favourite speakers. These are readily available these days from Amazon.com or directly from speakers websites. How long do you spend in your car each week? As Brian Tracy suggests, enrol yourself in Automobile University!

4. Exercise
Vigorous physical exercise releases a multitude of powerful chemicals into your blood stream which are very good for you, endorphins being one of the major examples which is five times more powerful than any drug a doctor could give you. Once again, science has proven that physical exercise offers many benefits both physically and mentally.

5. Posture
Because the human mind cannot focus on two polar opposites at the same time, then it stands to reason that if you are focusing on something positive, you cannot focus on something negative at the same time.
Try this exercise;
Stand up straight and proud. Shoulders back, chin out. Now smile. Hold the smile all the way through the exercise. Even if it's false you must concentrate on keeping a smile on your face throughout. Now try to feel miserable at the same time.
I will guarantee that if you concentrated on the smile and your positive posture throughout the exercise, you found it impossible to feel miserable at the same time.

I guarantee you will be amazed at how instantly any one of these six methods can "Switch" your mind from a negative thought pattern to a positive one at any time you feel you need it.


Paul Kernot

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Article Tags: 22 years, auckland office, ford, henry ford, jean batten, low self esteem, negative emotions, passion, positive outlook, role play, salespeople, self belief, self esteem confidence, six ways, two answers, two guys, when was the last time



Related Forum Posts
Re: How do you overcome the fear of rejection while selling? - [quote="soldlab":2alighr5]How do you overcome the fear of rejection while selling?[/quote:2alighr5] Use rejection as a motivator to keep going until you succeed.
How do you overcome the fear of rejection while selling? - How do you overcome the fear of rejection while selling?
Re: 10 Reasons Who Startups Fail & Book Recommendations - Great post. But there is a paramount reason why business star up fail that is not addressed here. Which is the fear of failure. Someone said the fear should not been seen as a monster, but should be seen as horse that you can tame and ride as you like.
Re: Kevin's Case Study #14 - When to quit being an entrepreneur? - I agree with GT on this point. I also think that a lot of these decisions are fear based. If people say that they don't have the time, or other similar excuses then nine times in ten it is more that they fear failure. Either that or the bug has never bitten. Once bitten it is nearly impossible to stop thinking like an entrepreneur. MichelleJ
Re: Is "Good" - Good Enough - It could be that some people are actually not too confident of their abilities, or fear success more than they fear failure (as I said before somewhere on this forum!!)... Also, if you have a business that is plodding along and all your pals have businesses that are plodding along, you can fall into a kind of comfort zone and imagine that "that is the way things are and were meant to be"... People might look askance if you start to look beyond the comfort zone. They might take it personally!


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