In business, as in life, we are faced with a dangerous triangle, which is a downward spiral. This triangle is entered into by choice by players who tend to swap roles. A good example is an employee who whines that he doesn’t earn enough money, (VICTIM) so the boss becomes the RESCUER and ups the employee’s salary for no good reason. As you know, we will never have enough money, so within a short period of time the employee, who still produces the same amount of work, wants more money. At this point the boss realizes that he’s paying more but not getting more value, so he puts his foot down and refuses the increase. Now the employee moves his position from VICTIM to PERSECUTOR and starts blaming the boss for being a money-hungry slave driver. The boss falls into VICTIM mode and starts whining, “I can’t afford more! I can’t find good people! They take advantage of my kindness!”
The simple solution to this disempowering game is to take responsibility and to demand that others take responsibility as well. When the employee wants more money, the boss / owner of the business can say, “No problem, Bob. I will create an incentive program / a profit sharing program whereby you can earn money in direct proportion to the profit you are responsible for creating for this company. I will remove all income limitations so that you will be able to give yourself as many pay increases as you like. In fact, I can show you how to start your own business and become an independent contractor to my business which will allow you to take advantage of all the tax breaks available to self-employed people!” Now the employee is responsible for his own choices, income and actions. Instead of being paid because of manipulation (Playing the VICTIM or the PERSECUTOR), he can be paid for the value he creates. He can decide to stay in his present situation as an employee or he can accept his boss’s kind offer to participate in the profits of the business. The boss has decided not to be drawn into the game and causes the employee to be responsible.
We are all responsible for our own lives. Many would have us believe otherwise, through the use of false guilt, collectivism, socialism, altruism and mysticism. But in the real world we should reap what we sow, not what others sow. Adults should take responsibility for their own lives. And we can grow better adults by avoiding the Victim/Persecutor/Rescuer traps as we raise our kids. Perhaps then we would have fewer 30-year-old losers living in their parents’ homes and more self sufficiency. As Ayn Rand said, “Poverty is not a mortgage on the labor of others - misfortune is not a mortgage on achievement - failure is not a mortgage on success - suffering is not a claim check, and its relief is not the goal of existence - man is not a sacrificial animal on anyone's altar nor for anyone's cause - life is not one huge hospital.”
Taking responsibility for your own life and demanding that others do the same, results in prosperity, self-esteem, freedom and personal growth. It’s the best gift anyone can receive.
- Robin J. Elliott
Rescuer, Victim or Persecutor? - To learn more about this author, visit Robin Elliott's Website.
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