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Seek First to Understand

Guest post by: Marshall W. Northcott

Article Overview: Strive to be an open minded individual who seeks first to understand before passing judgment, be quick to listen, learn and consider other perspectives before speaking your mind.

Seek First to Understand

In much of what I do, both at work and at home as well, I find myself facing situations or coaching others on circumstances related to conflicting viewpoints. If you are filled with stubbornness and no one can teach you a thing, you are your own worst enemy. If you are so hung up on what you think or the perspective that you have, to the point that you won't allow yourself to consider other options, ideas or choices, you'll never progress beyond where you are. Do you become indignant when you feel that your motives, methods or practices are being questioned? Are you emotionally reactive or do you get defensive when faced with thoughts that somehow go against your own? Does your brick headed approach to life and the world often land you in trouble? Do you find that because of your opposing views you tend to lock horns with people more frequently than most? You'll never learn a thing when your judgment is so clouded that the words of others fall upon deaf ears or when your lips are moving. Your entire life will be filled with conflict and controversy if you are never open to the perspectives of others. Worst of all, chances are, your thoughts and ways are burning you out and the friction you create causes an unnecessary overload of stress on all of your work and likely home relationships. Even if it is unknowingly, you likely burn bridges and create ill will towards yourself. Chances are, your habitual nature is driving people away and destroying your credibility. Do you reject new ideas, and ways that are different from your own? Are you basically a rigid, closed minded individual?

Although you may not see it, an overwhelming lack of maturity is blatantly obvious to those that you clash with. Your frightening resistance to change or anything that threatens your way of life or thinking confuses people and makes them wonder what you are so afraid of and why you won't listen. Do you recognize any or all of these characteristics within yourself? Are you frustrated by the inner and external turmoil that your abrasive manner ignites? Maybe it's time to let go?

One of the greatest life lessons that I have ever learned is the power of letting go. The ability to put aside my own view and park it while really listening to the perspective of another individual is powerful and liberating. Knowing that I am not perfect and always being willing to listen from a point of strength rather than attack from a point of insecurity when faced with questions about my beliefs and opinions, has allowed me to grow. It has freed me to rise above pettiness. When you seek first to understand others in a calm, non reactive, professional, mature and respectful way you make a transformation that crosses a boundary from ordinary to extraordinary from mediocre to exceptional. Your mind becomes freed from the bondage of fears that hold the narrow minded back from growing in academic, worldly and common sense ways. You know a peace that eludes many and people will begin to look at you differently for the grace that you conduct yourself with.

When all is said and given honest consideration it doesn't mean that you have to agree, it just shows that you care enough to try to understand. Sometimes as a matter of fact you may have to agree to respectfully disagree however, in doing so, you project an astonishing and healthy respect that shows no fear of allowing others to be heard, accepted and yes, even be able to reshape your views when you begin to see life from another angle, one that you weren't previously aware of or willing to consider. Stop being the unreasonable person who has such a high need to be right or get your way that you become blinded and deaf. Strive to become the person who takes the less traveled high road and be open to hearing people out. Learn to control and suppress the emotions that drown out the voice of others and the inner voice of reason. Take a deep breath, clear your mind and open your ears wide. Listen, really listen! Ask questions and reserve judgment until the other person has offered you all the necessary pieces of information. Always hold the relationship in the utmost regard and be thankful for the other person's willingness to share and be vulnerable in the moment. Always seek first to understand and you will be pleasantly surprised how often you will have wonderfully positive, deep and meaningful conversations where ever you go and with many of the people you engage in dialogue with.

You will also begin to notice those who haven't been enlightened and transformed by this knowledge and you will smile with a renewed understanding and think to yourself I used to be like that. The good news is that you changed and for that you will be forever grateful.

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Article Tags: Conflict Resolution, Dealing with Difficult People, Emotional Resilience, Listening Skills, Open Minded, Picking Your Battles, Stubborness



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