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Guest post by: Sam Manfer Become an Author

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Confidence wanes and self-doubt sets-in when your negative little voices nag at you. Those little voices stem from parental lectures and social interactions which are now programmed into you psyche. These programs are what your inner parent draws from to tells your inner child how to react. If the message is positive, your inner child is happy and confident. If the message is negative or a warning, you inner child is fearful and full of caution / self doubt. For example, if your mom and dad said you could do many things well, and through their coaching and encouragement, you felt good about doing things, then you're probably bold and confident individual to venture willingly into new territories. However, if you're your parents were full of warnings and passed along doubt about how well you might do, then you're probably shy and full of what-ifs when it comes to taking on a new task.

Confidence and fear / doubt are the outward display of what your inner child is feeling. More specifically your feeling come from your inner child and they are a direct result of what that inner parent's voice is saying, i.e. happy message, happy feelings; or caution message, fearful feelings.

Your inner parent has a burnt in program from all the lessons and rules you heard from mom and dad, teachers and coaches. It's now in playback mode. It's that little voice you hear when you think about doing something.

For example, your boss wants you to get to the C-levels and top executives because he knows it's good for the sale. Your inner child within a split second hears you're inner parent saying, "Mom cautioned that powerful people are scary." Therefore your inner child reacts with fear. Consequently you feel uncomfortable about getting to those C-level, powerful people and you come up with reasons not to go there in order to protect your inner child. Now if mom said, "Powerful people are useful and can help you tremendously," then you'll come up with action to find a way to the C-level executives.

Those reasons and actions come from what I call your spirit. This is the voice that provides ideas, suggestions, answers, motivation, inspiration, etc. It has also been developed through education and life experiences. This is your mental engine that does what's it's asked to do.

So if you're feeling uneasy about approaching a C-level, you're getting a negative message that may not be serving you as it relates to advancement. To change this programmed message you must ask yourself, "How can I change my uncomfortable feelings?" Remember the spirit does what it's asked to do, i.e. come up with an idea or suggestion to make me feel better.

Once asked (in exactly those words), your spirit will provide a list of suggestions that will help you move from doubt to confidence. However, once asked, it may take some time. So you have to listen for the answer from the spirit's voice within you. You're familiar with this spirit voice. You hear it all the time. You ask yourself something and sooner or later (while in the shower or walking along) the answer/idea comes to you.

So there are three voices. Your inner child's that's expressing your feelings; you inner parent's that's sending programmed messages causing those feeling; and your spirit's that's sending suggested actions of what to do i.e. charge ahead if happy or hind behind the bushes, if afraid.

Here are some drills to help you get in touch with these voices and develop confidence when self-doubt is not serving you.

1. Pay attention to your feelings - the voice from your inner child. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling?" Is it happiness, fear, sadness, hurt, etc.

2. Take note of where that feeling is coming from. What are you thinking - messages from the voice of your inner parent. Are you thinking C-level executives are scary, or they are too busy to see me, or they only want to speak with other C-levels, or the C-levels won't be involved in this decision? These are fearful, self doubt messages.

Are you thinking I have to get to the top because the C-level needs my info to make a decision, and I belong with these C-levels, and they will want to take the time to meet with me? These are happy, confident messages.

3. If you're lacking confidence and want to change this feeling, reach out to your spirit. Ask simply, "What can I do to change this?" Then wait and listen for answers to come from your spirit. Once asked, your spirit kicks-in. Your spirit has the capability to formulate solutions, ideas and actions. However, you must ask and you must wait, and you must listen for answers.

Tak'n It to the Streets

You cannot overcome self-doubt or build confidence without controlling your inner parent. You have to control those messages of concern, fear and doubt. Whoever put them there is no longer there or in charge. You are. So you have to take charge. Catch those messages, check them to determine if they are appropriate and change them if they are serving you and/or keeping you from feeling happy.

1. When feeling self doubt, list 3 accomplishments you're proud of? Use this as a rebuke to your negative self talk or doubt.

2. What advice would you give your own child if s/he came to you with self-doubt or lacked confidence for an upcoming situation? ..... Now take that same advice and apply it to you. Guide yourself as you would your child, and hug yourself because you are your child.

And now I invite you to learn more.

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