Be Present and Listen

Have you ever been in a lengthy conversation with someone and after walking away you realize how pleasant the time spent was and you had a pleasant feeling inside? Then you realize you had done most of the talking and had shared much more with them than they with you? The pleasant feeling has come because they were completely present with you and concentrating on what you were saying. The courtesy of giving attention put you at ease and made you feel special.

How often do we see in business conversations people talk with each other and it is evident that one or both really are not present. There are times when one or both are giving only half attention to the conversation, which can be fatal if instructions or important information is being exchanged. It takes concentration to listen and hear what the other person is telling us. "Concentration," said Emerson, "is the secret of strength in politics, in war, in trade, in short, in all management of human affairs."

When attention wanders in a conversation, in most cases, it is noticeable and has a negative effect on the person that is talking. Lord Chesterfield said, "I would rather be in company with a dead man, than with an absent one; for if the dead man gives me no pleasure, at lest he shows me no contempt; whereas, the absent man, silently indeed, but very plainly, tells me that he does not think me worth his attention." 1 Poor listening habits cannot only doom a business deal, or a sale of a product or service, but can ruin a friendship or relationship. To get rapt attention of others one must give attention to others.

In the interest of understanding, and showing respect and courtesy to others, there is no better way to accomplish this than to listen attentively, respectfully, being in the present, and concentrating on what is being said. Listening in this fashion shows true courtesy. It has been said, God gave us one mouth and two ears shouldn't we listen twice as much?

Everyone wants to be successful in whatever field they pursue and listening well definitely will help to achieve that goal. "Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do more listening than talking" said American Economist, Bernard M. Baruch, advisor to a number of US Presidents.

Remember how special you felt after leaving a conversation with a terrific listener, set a goal to pass that feeling along by following in that persons footsteps and be a good listener. You will find that you learn something and gain respect for your being present and truly listening.

1.  Lord Chesterfield, Letters, 22 September 1749, 137