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Matching, Pacing and Rhythm

Written by: Wendy Weiss

Article Overview: If you want people to respond well to you, you must meet them where they are.

Matching, Pacing and Rhythm

Last week I went to pay some bills online. I looked at my account and realized there were charges listed that I had never made. I called the bank immediately. We shut down all of my accounts and opened new ones.

I went to the bank 10 business days later, and I still did not have a functioning ATM card. That meant that rather than simply go to an ATM for cash, I had to wait in a long, long line at the bank for a teller. Twenty minutes later, by the time I got to the head of the line, I was seriously annoyed. I expressed my annoyance to the teller. Her response? 'Calm down, Ma'am.'

So my dear readers, do you think this response calmed me down?

Of course not. It had exactly the opposite effect. I went through the roof. 'Don't tell me to calm down,' I snarled. Where before I had simply been annoyed, now I was really angry.

So why am I sharing my banking woes?

The above story illustrates a basic principal: If you want people to respond well to you, you must meet them where they are. Had that teller been well trained, and had she really wanted to calm me down, she should have responded by matching my intensity and agreeing that not having an ATM card and having to wait in a long line was really annoying. She could have then apologized for the situation ('I'm sorry you still don't have your card') and I would have felt heard and understood.

When making introductory calls, or even in your face-to-face meetings with prospects, you have no idea what may have happened the moment before you called or walked in the door. You have no way of predicting the mood or the personality of your prospect. Whoever they are and wherever they are, you want to meet them in the same place. This is called Matching. You want to match your prospect's intensity, energy, rhythm and personality as much as you can. This does not mean that if your prospect seems to be angry, you need to be angry too. It means that you acknowledge that anger and respond at a similar level of energy and intensity.

What is interesting is that if you match your prospect, you can then help them to shift their energy. Had that bank teller responded by acknowledging my annoyance and matching my energy, she would have calmed me right down. Once we were in the same place, all she would have had to do was speak a little more slowly. I would have followed. This is called Pacing. You go to where your prospect is, then you can start to take them to a different place.

Because I'm a dancer, rhythm is important to me. Everyone has their own internal rhythm. There are also regional differences in rhythm. I live and work in the Northeast. We tend to be speedier than other areas of the country. When I call another part of the country, I need to slow down a bit. I have a client based in the Midwest who frequently calls the Northeast. She needs to speed up when she makes those calls. This is also Matching.

A good place to start is by simply listening to other people's rhythms. If they speak quickly, so do you. If they are a little slower, well, slow down. Over time you will begin to do this automatically. Once you've got the rhythm down, work on the other elements, the intensity and energy. You will find that the more you are able to Match and Pace your prospects, the easier it will be to build rapport and have great conversations.



© 2006 Wendy Weiss

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Article Tags: ATM card, bank teller



Related Forum Posts
Re: Matching competitors prices - beware - [quote="BuzzAroundBooks":3ga2u10u]While I agree that getting into a price war should be avoided if possible... on rare occasions, it's not a bad idea to match someone's price (or even beat it) if you're doing it "one time" to land a new customer. For instance, I was recently looking for the best price on a [u:3ga2u10u]specific[/u:3ga2u10u] flight to NY and a customer service rep from Flight Centre ended up taking zero commission to help me book my flight. In fact, she even beat the price by $5 in the hopes of creating brand loyalty for the future.[/quote:3ga2u10u] Matching prices that are close is one thing - but there are times when an inferior competitor can do a job much cheaper - because they are doing a lesser job. There have been times when I'm more expensive, but I'll take the time to explain the reason for the difference. If the person wants a lesser job - then it does not work in my favor to drop my price and take a loss. Customer expectation can make a difference in when this should be done. There is a company who offers work that is somewhat similar to mine, but its just not the same value service and they can undercut my price because they cut a lot of corners. I'm not willing to cut that many corners and that makes a big difference in the amount that we charge. For a person who business who recognizes the difference and some who want to send me business, I'll work with them on the prices or pay them a finder's fee. Lots of possibilities - but I've found it better to evaluate the situation and see if it makes good business sense. Shri


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