Many executive coach programs are designed to keep a distance between the Executive and the Coach. We understand that. We just disagree. As our name suggests - The Fellowship of Executive Coaches - includes the concept of "fellowship." It has many layers of meaning but among them is the simple concept of two "fellows" in a "ship". Disregarding the gender - that means that the best executive coach is "in the boat" with the executive. We're not standing on the shore making suggestions and pointing out errors from the safety of dry land. Great executive coaches are in there with you - pulling together with you to navigate through the sometimes dangerous and sometimes still waters of your life and career.
Our belief that there should be an effort for the executive and the coach to become friends is based on a healthy understanding of what friendship is. A healthy friendship - no matter where you find it in your life - has a number of common characteristics.
True friendship is based on mutual respect. Otherwise, it is a co-dependent relationship. Many coaches keep their ten foot pole handy - don't get too involved in the big issues facing the executive. Be cool and dispassionate. Keep your distance. That approach misses the point of the executive coach.
True friendship is based on a willingness to invest in the relationship. As soon as a relationship is strictly a job - many important benefits of a friendship immediately disappear. Friends want to see each other grow and develop as healthy and effective persons.
True friendship is based on persistence. That means the friendship is there for good times and the bad ones. Otherwise - you're one of those "fair-weather" characters.
True friendship is based on trust. This is especially critical for effective executive coaching. If the executive does not have a sufficient level of trust to discuss the real challenges, fears and opportunities he or she face - the coach will be only going through the motions.
True friendship has unconditional positive regard. That means that the relationship has at its core that I'm going to assume and encourage your best self. Does that mean you want fall down and blow it? Of course we all will. But as a coach - I'm here to encourage your potential and your opportunities to experience you best life experiences.
True friendship is accountable. For the executive - that means working on those challenges and opportunities that have been identified. For the coach - that means putting your all into encouraging the possibilities and potential in the executive.
A Friend In The Night If there is a healthy friendship at work as part of the coaching process - then that means the coach sticks with you when the road becomes dark. The coach is your friend in the night who will not abandon you when times are tough. They walk along side you and share the road you must face.
A Friend In The Day We often assume incorrectly that we need friends when times are tough. That's of course true. But we also need friends to walk with us during the bright days of our career and life. It is during the fair times that we must prepare ourselves for the inevitable tough dark days that are part of the mix of life.
A Friend In The Twilight We all understand the good times and the dark days that happen in everyone's life. What is just as important is having a friend in the twilight. Twilight is that strange and dangerous time when we are between day and night. Our eyes have not adjusted to the darkness or the light during that hour. We can make some large mistakes when we are in the transition period between the good times and the bad. The good executive coach will stand with you during the twilight as your sun is rising or setting or if the clouds have overtaken your night sky.
Choose an executive coach who will value your friendship and who will work for you to succeed.
To learn more about this author, visit Grant Fairley's Website.
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