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Sales Training London: Birth Order Selling Strategies

Guest post by: Marcus Cauchi

Article Overview: "Sales is Broadway play, played by a psychiatrist" according to David H Sandler, founder of the Sandler selling system. In this Sandler White Paper, you will learn about advanced people-centered skills to help you become a more effective bonder, a more effective salesperson, and, as an added plus, a more effective person in dealing with others. Discover a fresh approach to the psychology behind the sale. You might hate it, you might find it useful , but it will challenge you to think more about how you adapt your selling style to your influence your prospects.

Sales Training London: Birth Order Selling Strategies

To get this lesson started, let me just review a few of the theories you may or may not have already learned. In the Bonding & Rapport compartment of the Sandler Submarine, you've probably been exposed to concepts like, walk in the other person's shoes, people buy from people, people buy from people they like, people like people who are like themselves.

You may recall about visuals, auditories and kinesthetics. It's a good idea to review the Bonding & Rapport lesson if you're not instinctively using these skills every day in front of your prospects. If you're like most people, you're probably not there yet--not instinctively, anyway, but maybe close enough to where you know what you need to do. If you're keeping a "lessons learned" journal and running de-briefing sessions after each call, and coming to the Sandler sessions and putting some of your problem issues on the table for you and the group to work on. Remember the Sandler rule that says, "Stay emotionally detached from your sales call"? There's you, the salesperson, and there's your prospect, and then there's you, floating to the ceiling looking down watching the dynamics between the two.

I need you to use this frame of reference when you try out in the field what you learn in this module, OK? Another way to put it, focus all your attention on your prospect, not on yourself. Don't be I-centered, be prospect-centered. And some more food for thought. Even though Bonding & Rapport is the first step in the submarine, the first of seven, your bonding and rapport is happening from the moment you made that first cold call, or, more likely, that referral call, all the way through to when you got the order, and then on to client development. Bonding and rapport is not just the first compartment in the submarine; bonding and rapport is happening all the time… remember the Sandler rule, "The meter is always running"?

The first people-centred skill you'll hear about is birth order. That's right, where someone falls in the sibling order. I don't know if you know this but there are numerous studies in psychology which show general similarities in personality traits based on where individuals fall in the sibling order, their birth order. And if we could read our prospect's mind, find out what birth order they are, and fine tune our selling to match these traits, that would give us that much more edge in the field. Skeptical? That's OK. Answer this question. US Presidents. Did you know that over 70% of them have the same birth order? Care to guess which one?

That's right! First born. How'd you know? President's of Fortune 500 companies? Over 50%. Entrepreneurs? Again. Also over 50%. How about you? First born, middle child or last born? Highly structured? Probably a first born. Pain in the neck? You're probably an only child. Rarely make commitments? Middle child. Loosey goosey, especially about being on time? Good chance you're a middle child or a last born. Rollercoaster energy level? Last born. Love to be the centre of attention? Almost certainly last born. You see, certain traits tend to fall into each sibling position.

Let's give credit where credit is due. The utmost authority on sibling order psychology is Alfred Adler. One of his many books on psychology, pertaining to birth order is The Practice and Theory of Individual Psychology, Littlefield, Adams & Co., 1968. Other big names in Birth Order psychology are Bradford Wilson and George Edington, First Child, Second Child, McGraw Hill, 1981.

First Borns
Let's start with First Borns. There are two different types of first borns. We have the compliant first born and then we have the strong willed/aggressive first born. Now, the compliant. These people are the model child when they're growing up. They have a high need for approval, willingness to please, trying to be mother's little helper. (The do-gooders.) The second type is the strong-willed first born. Well, they're the high achievers, and lots of times, perfectionists. Very detail oriented. You may have noticed someone in the office is a Type A personality. Chances are, he or she is a strong willed/aggressive first born. They are high drive people, and very controlling. Overall characteristics of first born children: They tend to be on time. Time is very, very important to them. Here's what this means. If you're one of us, you have this internal anxiety to be on time. In fact, on time isn't good enough -- early is even better. These are the people who map out where they're going the night before in case there's traffic. If we see traffic, we go 85 miles an hour for fifteen feet because it's 15 feet closer. That's why we have high fuel tax - for you. Now that we know ON TIME is very important, put yourself in your prospect's shoes for just a second. What if you're always late, and your prospect is a first-born on timer? It's over. Even before the call starts. First borns justify it by saying - Late people are rude -- They have no respect for my time. If you're an on-timer, when people are not on time for you, it makes you very uncomfortable and you may have an unconscious need to get even; you have already pre-judged this person who is late. Now, some other people, more often not first borns -- are habitually late. They can't help it because it might not be important to them.

If this person has a 9:00 appointment and shows up at 9:15 or 9:20, is that call going to go off well? "NO!" So, if we're not on time for a first born, we'll have a very difficult time establishing rapport. And because they're on-timers, you have to set agendas. Remember, first borns like structure. And if you set agendas, you must meet that agenda. First borns tend to be very, very serious people. They don't normally don't joke around -- these are the rock faced people. When you try to tell the jokes, they probably will laugh, politely, because that's what they've been taught to do, but they will say, under their breath, "Well, I've just wasted three seconds--you know, let's get going." Now, these people are striving to be perfect because, remember now, "Mum didn't raise me for the first five years growing up, she wore me. I was going to be the model child. I was supposed to be the Prime Minister". First Borns take it more personally not being perfect. They can't help themselves. First borns tend to have comparatively few friends. They probably don't have time. Now only-children (singletons) are first borns to the extreme. Either black or white. There is no grey. And they tend to be very inflexible. And also very controlling. After all, they had their own way growing up. There wasn't anybody else around.

Here's a couple of pointers when you're in front of a first born. #1, be on time. #2, don't touch anything on their desk. Don't rearrange anything. Heck, don't even ask to use any of their desk space. Find another place. #3, Be prepared to live up to their high expectations. Now don't confuse that with being subservient. Just deliver on what you promise. #4, Be prepared to follow a first born's lead. Use the Sandler System, and lay back. #5, Watch the humor. Something you think is funny may not be to a first born, because when you tell a joke, it's on their "Pay-Time," remember. But that doesn't mean don't use humour at all, either. Humour can be a great bonding tool; you just have to choose your spots more carefully with a first born. #6, Pay attention to the details. They're waiting for you to trip up.

Middle-Borns
Now, let's talk about middle children. These people were born too late to enjoy all the special considerations first borns received, but born too soon to realize the advantages last borns had. For example, by the time the last born showed up, the parents were much more relaxed about things. These people happen to be the first, normally, that will leave the house, figuratively speaking. Has more friends than his older brother or sister. Will look outside the family for a sense of belonging, since being in the middle doesn't provide one. In most households, the parents have 2000 photos of the first born, but only one of the second born. Or they may have two or three; birth, graduation, marriage. Everything that happens in between is just unknown for middle children. Very independent people. They don't like to make commitments because they don't like to be "tied down." Tough to get a middle child to agree to a firm upfront contract. The second born, if they think can compete with the first born, they will. If they don't think they can compete, they'll go in the exact opposite direction. They'll say, huffing and puffing, "That's too tough. I'm going to go over here because I don't have to compete."

Now, we don't know exactly when this little switch goes off during childhood, but it often can. And it shapes that middle child personality for the rest of his life. Middle children are friendly, sociable, outgoing types. Again, because they were the fifth wheel at home, so they had to seek out a sense of belonging from outside the family. They're also great diplomats. Think about it. Growing up they had to 'manipulate' up and 'manipulate' down the sibling chain. And, because of being in the middle, they tend to make the best salespeople. It was the only way to survive as a kid. They get along easily with others, both older and younger. Except they need a little extra help with being on time for appointments and they need extra Sandler coaching on setting good contracts and making them stick.

After all, their natural tendency is to leave the house for a loaf of bread and never come home. Very hard to pin down. And very independent. However, when they do make a commitment, they will deliver. Points to remember selling to a middle child. #1, always let a middle child review the contract. Just because you "sum up" and say it out loud, doesn't mean a middle child has agreed to it. It actually has to come from their lips in order for them to honour it. #2, The other side of that one is, be on alert that you'll have difficulty tying down a middle child to a commitment. #3 Apples for apples, a middle child can out-manipulate the rest of us, so be careful in there. #4, don't read a sloppy desk to mean a disorganized person. They know what pile something's in, if they really needed to put their hands on it. So for them you don't need to worry as much about putting something on their desk as you would a first born's. #5, It's easy to confuse a middle child's easy going, friendly demeanor as open-mindedness; only one way to pierce through this friendliness, and you know how to do that, don't you. Find, Pain. #6, middle children tend to be very loyal. They tend to be more monogomous than the rest of us, because that's what was missing growing up. Undivided attention. So when they start their families, they tend to stay together. Sales translation? Middle child customers are very loyal to their suppliers, so get a good track record established early on in the relationship.

Last-Borns
Now, let's move the focus to last borns. They are the attention-seekers. They tend to love the limelight. There tends to be a lot of self doubt while they are growing up because in one minute they were hugged and coddled and in the next, it was "Hurry up, I've got to spend some more time doing other things." Parents just got worn out by the time the last born rolled around. Which means these individuals are most likely getting their "instruction set" from older brothers and sisters, and who knows how "straight" that information is.

In my family, when we went to out and sat down for dinner, I, the last born was still eating while the rest of them had already piled into the car. Dad had the engine started and was ready to go before my brother would yell, "hey Dad, Marcus is still inside, don't leave yet.

You know Dad was a second born of 6 children but his older brother (6 years older) left home when his father died and his elder brother left home leaving him as the father figure! He picked up a fair number of first born traits in those years. Last borns love to be the centre of attention (nothing better than paying audience to make me leap out of bed at 4am and get on the road). Last borns more than likely had messy rooms growing up (just ask my mother and check out my desk). Last borns are very fun loving. We have very high self esteem. Why? They were in a self protection mode throughout their childhood -- "last one in line" syndrome, therefore, they we needed to preserve our self concept as simply a means of survival. They have a "roller coaster" energy level. When they're up, they're up, and when they're down, they're way down. Last borns deal well with people older than they are, which makes them good candidates for salespeople. They also are very good charmers - good sense of humour. How to sell to last borns: #1, get them involved personally in the presentation, the fulfillment stage of the Sandler submarine. They more than likely will enjoy the attention. #2, give out plenty of stokes; last borns crave the strokes, as long as they are sincere ones. #3, understand that an excited last born prospect on Wednesday can easily turn into a unenthusiastic prospect on Thursday. It's that ambivalence they felt growing up - it stays with them. #4, also understand that getting a last born to make a commitment will also be difficult; it goes against their grain. #5, taking control of the call and telling a last born what the real problem is tends to be a real eye opener for them; in some small psychological way you are assuming the role of big brother or sister, all over again.

Now, if you're not a first born and there is six or more years difference between you and your next sibling, you could show first born traits. So you'll have to be careful here. After determining your prospect's birth order, you may think you've got a last born when he could very well be a first born.

How does birth order fit in on joint sales calls? Let's say you're a first born, and your partner is a second or third born. What do you think the conflict could be? The second born would try to make the peace; the third born would probably tell a joke - they would say "Fine; this could be a social call. We're bonding." If you and your partner are the second and third born and you're talking to a first born prospect, watch out. You're having a good time on their clock. You're probably less than professional in their eyes and you might hear things like: "OK, lets get down to business;" or "Let me ask you a question." And they ask you a business question and you start talking about the footy. So you have to make sure that there's not this type of conflict. So, on a joint call, one of the things you want to do before you walk in is to ask your partner "Where is the prospect in the birth order?" And then begin to talk about what type of characteristics your prospect has.

How do you find out where the prospect is in the birth order? "Mr. Jones, were you the youngest or the oldest in your family growing up?" No, unfortunately, you can't ask that question. It'll stick out like a sore thumb. Try asking a series of questions that sound more relaxed, when it fits. "Mr. Jones, do you come from a big family?" Any brothers or sisters? Older or younger?" Now you know about Mr. Jones. And if your antenna is out, you'll pick up on other clues. Neat desks versus sloppy ones. Firstborn versus a last born, 8 times out of ten. Fourteen H2 pencils standing tall in the pencil cup. First born. Prospect opens with a funny joke. Last born. Why? Last borns love attention. Knowing these traits will help you with your interpersonal skills within your own company. Or in your marriage. I don't suppose you're married to somebody other than what you are? If you are, then you can relate that to how your behaviour on a sales call should factor in your prospect's birth order position.

As you may have already discovered if you've worked with me on some Sandler sales training, the Sandler Selling System blends in smoothly with natural human behaviour. Things like I/R theory, the dummy curve, strip-lining, OK-not-OK theory, etc. And you might have also guessed that David Sandler (the founder of the Sandler selling system) taught us a wealth of information on people skills, human relations skills and human interaction in general.

I'd be curious in your thoughts on these thumbnail sketches on birth order.

© 2006 Sandler Systems, Inc. Sandler Sales Institute, Learn More to Earn More - 180° from Traditional Sales Training

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