Don’t fill the void This can be in a meeting, or with a Customer or outside of work – wherever. Anyway, there is an uncomfortable silence, and you feel a desire to fill it. Now, if you have something valuable, valid, humorous or useful to say – then go for it. Sadly, too often, people say the first thing that comes into their heads – and then as they hear themselves saying it, actually listen – and instantly wish they’d kept stum! Now, feel free to spend the rest of the meeting, evening etc. trying to live this down – or, even worse, blunder on into an explanation of why you felt the need to say what you did Deny your natural instincts According to psychologists, the above happens because our natural instincts, when placed in an awkward situation, are to try and talk our way out of it. This is caused by our natural desire to feel confident, at ease, in-charge – whatever. So, when a gap appears in a conversation, we go ahead and fill it to prove our worth (and often do the opposite)
The silent weapon This should be used as unobviously as possible! But, for example, if you ask a Customer to consider a proposal you have made, there may follow a period of silence. You feel the need to add an extra selling point or build up the benefits – and the Customer loses their train of thought. Careful silence puts subtle pressure on the other party to speak Silence also makes the other party wonder about your strategy – for example, in negotiation situations. They wonder what you’re not telling them; imagine you are in a more powerful position than you might be. If you speak, you can never do more than confirm or deny their thoughts; so silence can add to the feeling of control or power you demonstrate During an argument, if you quieten down into silence, the argument will cease. You cannot continue to argue with yourself (although some will try). So, less words gives the other person less to fight back against Use silence as a listening tool Many people use silence as a period when they think what – and how – they are next going to contribute. By doing so, the only person they are truly listening to is themselves! Truly listening and watching the other person or people gives you a chance to then consider how best to respond. In this way, you add value to the encounter. People who listen most are often thought to be the “best talkers” by others in their social groups!
So, a few quick tips about silence. In fact, I think I’ve said enough for now. I’ll leave you assuming I know more… ah, a Russian proverb to finish: “The wise man has long ears, big eyes and a short tongue”
How to Gain by Keeping Quiet and Listening - To learn more about this author, visit Gordon Veniard's Website.
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