1.Sort out what your body is saying
There isn’t much use finding the right words if your body actions then betray other feelings. So, you need to get ready to back up the language with assertive body behaviours. You do this by finding and maintaining eye contact – without staring someone down. So, a glance down at notes is acceptable, but then you get back to eye-to-eye contact with your confidence maintained. To help establish this contact, stand or sit with your shoulders back and head up, relaxed hand movements and a calm, clear voice
2. Know the words you want to use
If someone asks you a question and you don’t know the answer – or how to answer – then it’s difficult to show assertive confidence! Your aim is to have what you say prepared – as much as you can – before you say it. So, know what you are – or are not – willing to do when you are likely to be asked for a favour, help or to undertake a task. If you show a lack of certainty, then people are automatically going to try and persuade you round to their point of view!
3. Wait until you’re asked before responding!
Imagine the scene. You’ve got a teenage son or daughter who’s going to a party. Trying to be the ever-helpful parent, you say: “I suppose you want me to pick you up and bring you home in the middle of the night”. And, the answer comes: “Thanks dad. Jenny’s father was going to pick us up on his way home, but as you’ve offered that’s even better”. Serves you right! Wait until someone asks for assistance or action before answering. Obey the old army axiom: “never volunteer”. Well, almost never. Volunteer if it’s what you want to do; for example, a task that you feel would extend your skills, make you more visible on important occasions etc.
Finally, make sure you don’t confuse requests with what are no more than simple wishes, opinions, vague hopes etc. Someone looking at you and saying: “It would be great if…” or “I wonder if anyone else might…” isn’t a request. Although the latter does give you the option to divert any following request to some other poor soul! So, remember that effective silence can be an assertive form of communication!
4. Carefully select your language – and how to use it
After you speak, the other party should never be in any doubt what you meant. So, avoid the “less-than-definite” phrases such as “probably” – “hopefully” – “might” – “likely that” – “not sure”. What you say shouldn’t be open to use by the other party in any attempt to make you change your mind: “I will not be able to do that” or “That is not possible for me”. Also, don’t add any riders to encourage any on-going discussion. Phrases such as: “at the moment” – “in the current situation” add the possibility of hope for the other person
Saying "No" - Tips To Help - Part One - To learn more about this author, visit Gordon Veniard's Website.
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Gordon Veniard
(Visit Gordon's Website)
GORDON VENIARD thanks you for your
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