Make sure you “listen with understanding”. To persuade other people round to your point of view, you need to genuinely and completely understand where their starting point is. Now, you might think you are “good at listening”. What you might be doing, in reality, is keeping silent whilst you think of what to say next! And others think that the movement of their jaws must be a constant one!!
As you listen, aim to differentiate between the “noise” you are hearing (the unimportant) and the actual message (which you need to work with). Also, assess the degree of importance given to what’s being said to you. For example: “cannot possibly agree to” is not the same as “would be difficult to commit to”. “I would prefer to” has a different emphasis from “I demand that you”
When you respond, be aware that you are not simply adding your own monologue to the one presented by the other party. Two monologues can never make a conversation! So, repeat some of the key points made by the other party (to demonstrate your commitment to listening). As you do so, use “attachment” phrases to make the other person feel good about their contribution. Examples such as: “You made a good point when you stressed that…” or “I understand why … is very important to your company”. Of course, by using these phrases, you are still not committing yourself to do what others want you to!
Whilst you are listening, make sure you are also watching. You can hear the verbal clues from the strength of words used. You then add to this impression by watching to see whether the body language matches the intensity of the language. Also, it’s not too difficult to be “economical with the truth” in terms of using the words. Unless you are experienced with this, it’s much more difficult for the body language to be equally-convincing!
Make sure that the other party does more of the talking. You persuade by listening and using what you learn. Also, when you do talk, aim to do so in short bursts. This helps the other party to concentrate on your words – over a longer period their attention is likely to … where was I – oh yes – wander. It equally makes you focus on ensuring that what you say is both important and relevant Interrupt ye not! If you are trying to persuade, you will not succeed if you interrupt the other person on a regular basis. It frustrates them by giving the appearance of your failing to listen. Equally, you break into their train of thought and prevent clear points being made. As you interrupt, the person isn’t even ready to listen to you (their brain is still in speaking mode). So, what you say will not be heard, or might be misheard or misinterpreted – none of which helps you persuade another person Hold back from giving your opinions or impressions – even when invited to do so. This could be the time to ask that extra question, discover another piece of information. Because as soon as you have spoken, what the other person says from then on will be shaped in some way by your words
The Effective Communicator - How to be Persuasive - To learn more about this author, visit Gordon Veniard's Website.
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