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So Who The Hell Am I?

Guest post by: Geoffrey Canavan

Article Overview: Many facets of life, business, and even the perception we hold of success, are based on the foundation of our special relationships and our judgment. Special relationships can be used to endorse �I am loved and wanted� or �I am dismissed and/or unimportant�. So, for example, if I am not invited to the party or I don�t get the promotion, or the bank won�t extend my overdraft I can use my special relationships to evaluate my own worth in a negative sense. Rather than getting in touch with our own sense of who we are, we look to our special relationships to define us.

So Who The Hell Am I?

Many facets of life, business, and even the perception we hold of success, are based on the foundation of our special relationships and our judgment. Special relationships can be used to endorse 'I am loved and wanted' or 'I am dismissed and/or unimportant.' So, for example, if I am not invited to the party or I don't get the promotion, or the bank won't extend my overdraft I can use my special relationships to evaluate my own worth in a negative sense.

Rather than getting in touch with our own sense of who we are, we look to our special relationships to define us.

For example, I once worked on a significant distribution deal with a large company that was chaired by a good friend of mine. This was a major national distribution agreement.

Convinced I had been awarded the contract, I delighted in my ability to make this happen.

Lots of time, effort and energy went in to securing the deal. From my perspective, the opportunities for both our companies seemed obvious; we could deliver the service and they had the product that needed delivering.

The hallmark throughout the negotiations hinged on my relationship with some key executives from the other company. I felt from an early stage that this was a done deal. All we had to do for the final round of negotiation was to sign on the dotted line. When the decision on the contract was announced I was surprised, amazed and disappointed that my company had been passed over.

My initial reaction was one of disbelief and then annoyance.

All that work and effort to no avail. However, the real prize within this seeming rejection, where I felt as if I had been totally led up the garden path, was that now I had an opportunity to examine and appraise the relationships and boundaries within my working practice.

This situation presented me with the option of looking at the way I did business and the chance to view the situation as a classroom and not as a defeat.

It was a perfect example of people attempting to achieve success built on special relationships, rather than on the integrity of the process.

One of my big lessons was to look at the agendas I carry into this type of transaction and, for that matter, into all my interactions. In this instance the intent was not one of inclusion, it was far more to do with the individuals involved serving separate interests. Inclusion is always a fundamental element of success and happiness.

Success is not about whether you get the contract or sign that deal or win the lottery or find the perfect partner.

It has far more to do with honest assessment and appraisal. From the outset, establish any limitations and deal with them and in that process start to see that the only limitation is your own belief in how you limit your self.

Because we are not aware of how special and successful we are in our own right, we clothe ourselves in labels to explain ourselves to the world: I am a Liverpool supporter/a victim/ a businessperson/a landlord/a musician/an alcoholic/mother/entrepreneur/bad at maths etc.

In truth, we have no need to explain or define ourselves to anyone.

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Article Tags: identity, integrity, success, truth



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