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Many Little Pigs: The Pork in our Bailout

Written by: Jim Bouchard

Article Overview: I’m a little tired of people talking about “government” money spent on these bailouts. That’s my money, and it’s your money. We the people contribute to the general funds that support national, state and local government. We the people are getting hosed.

Many Little Pigs: The Pork in our Bailout

Admittedly I’m not currently a top-bracket tax contributor; but I work very hard for the money I contribute annually to the general fund. I’m a small business owner who has paid taxes on paper profits several times over the years and has gone without health insurance to keep staff on the payroll and make ends meet. Like many of you I have a hard time spelling the word vacation in lean years and I sometimes laugh at words “week-end.” I don’t think the failure of any of my businesses would cause a ripple on even the local economic pond; so I doubt I will be eligible for any government bailouts any time soon.

I’m a little tired of people talking about “government” money spent on these bailouts. That’s my money, and it’s your money. We the people contribute to the general funds that support national, state and local government. We the people are getting hosed.

Have you ever had a friend in need who begged you for a loan, only to find out that friend used your hard-earned on some frivolity like a weekend bender or a new car stereo for a his junker? That’s what’s happening to us right now, but the tab is in the billions:

Days after receiving their bailout, execs from AIG Insurance splurged on a $440,000 corporate retreat including golf, spa treatments and banquets. Nice; did anyone invite you along?

Here are some more presents you just gave your friends and neighbors, allegedly to stave off the next Great Depression:

I hope some of you are NASCAR fans; you just gave $100,000,000 in tax breaks to race track owners. Maybe they’ll send you a thank you card with tickets to the next race.

Drink rum? You just paid for $192 million to rum distillers in Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands. Lord yes, we had to keep that precious stream of rum flowing; you’re going to need it as you read on!

Don’t worry about the high cost of heating fuel this winter, you also just paid about $150 million to wool producers; now you can buy cheaper sweaters to keep you warm!

Remember the Exxon Valdez disaster? Exxon will soon be sending you a thank you note. It’s the least they can do; you just picked up $49 million dollars of the tab for that one. This money is going to fishermen and other plaintiffs who were suing over lost fishing grounds and revenue. Maybe Exxon will give you a discount next time you fill up as a small token of gratitude!

Do you feel good yet? You should, after all helping your neighbor is what it’s all about. If you pay state income tax to help fund your school systems, you just helped your neighbors in states without income tax by subsidizing their educational costs with a federal tax deduction. That one zapped you for about $3.3 billion.

And folks, this is just the Quickbooks version of your generosity! You’re also funding a study of arctic squirrel hibernation, tax breaks for bicycle riders and a subsidy for manufacturers of wooden arrows for children. I suppose they may be preparing for the next generation’s version of the Boston Tea Party.

By now you be feeling as if you’ve done your part to prevent a repeat of the bread lines and Hooverville shanty towns that still remind of us of the perils of economic disaster.

I may have overlooked all of the above, but there was one pill too bitter for me to swallow. I suppose it’s obvious to everyone but me that America would be reduced to a third-world wasteland without the enormous contributions of our great Hollywood film and entertainment industries. This is not just a matter of keeping P Diddy in Cristal, Sheryl Crow in toilet paper and Matt Damon in private jets; no, this is a matter of national security. Where will our next generation of America’s defenders find inspiration without the next great recruiting film from the Rock? How will we know the truth without Michael Moore? How will we keep our population strong without the stimulus provided by Salma Hayek?

I suppose I’ll just have to concede this one. After all, along with you I just contributed $478 million to Hollywood in hopes that they’ll keep me from losing my home and living in a tin shack. Oh well, maybe just to say thanks they’ll send us all one of those $5.00 movie coupons or give us a dollar off our next $12 bucket of popcorn.

Movies, arrows, bikes, squirrels, rum and race cars; all important to someone I’m sure. I just don’t see how this stuff got tagged onto the “most important piece of legislation in our generation.” I don’t see how any of this pork does anything pull us back from the “brink of economic disaster.”

If you’ve got it figured out; please let me know. In the meantime, I’m going to barbecue a squirrel I’ll shoot with a wooden arrow, drink some rum, watch a movie and wonder what the hell just happened to my money.

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Article Tags: bailout, banquets, corporate retreat, distillers, exxon valdez, friend in need, friends and neighbors, frivolity, golf spa, government money, great depression, including golf, junker, lean years, nascar fans, paper profits, small business owner, spa treatments, state and local government, wool producers



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