Three Case Studies on Core Desire
Uncovering your Core Desires and unleashing your Conquering Force will cause you to live a fuller, happier, and more successful life. As you learn to identify, and pursue, your Core Desires, you may find yourself in any of these three situations.
Right on the Money
Once, a vice president of a large insurance company came to me and asked for my help. Although he was earning more than enough money, he wasn't happy in his job. He had been at it for twenty-two years and had just grown tired of it. He wanted something else. When I asked him what else he'd like to do, he replied, without emotion, "I've been looking at real estate and investments because I know people who have succeeded in those areas."
When he admitted that he had chosen those two professions because he had seen others do well in them, I told him, "You might want to consider another option. There's no emotion at all in your voice. Your head is talking, not your heart, and these options don't reflect your Core Desire."
"Well, then," he said, "I guess I just don't know what I really want to do." "What gets you all jazzed up and excited?"
Suddenly his face lit up as he said, "My heart starts to pound when I think about doing this one thing because it's so exciting to me." Before telling me what this one thing was, he added, "But I don't see how I can continue to make a good living by doing it."
"Scratch that last sentence. Just tell me what it is," I said.
"I love to speak in front of people. I've been to Toastmasters and taken Dale Carnegie courses. I'd really love to be a public speaker and help people in their lives. That's what I'd really love to do, but I don't see how I could make it work and stay financially secure."
His mind tried to sabotage his Core Desire, but we quickly discovered what his heart wanted most. I asked, "Do you know anybody who's making a living as a speaker?"
"No," he said. "I do, and I will be glad to share with you how to do it. Believe me, it has been done, and you can do it, too." He then asked me to teach him.
Close but No Core Desire
A young woman was trying to find her Core Desire when it came to earning a living. At the time, she was doing a job she enjoyed but did not find soul satisfying.
"What would you really love to do? Is there something that would bring you greater happiness?" I asked her.
She said she didn't know but mentioned how much she enjoyed her volunteer work with abused children. "If I could do that for a living, it would be wonderful. I would really like to spend my life helping those children and maybe I could have my own child center."
It was easy to tell from the animation in her voice and the radiant expression on her face that this was a Core Desire. I told her that this is what she should go after.
"But I'm too young, I don't have a license, and I don't have the money," she said.
Although these were real barriers, I told her, "It doesn't matter what problems you encounter, because there are always solutions. You will find a way when you're pursuing your true Core Desire."
After one of my seminars, a young man came up and asked me if he could follow me around. He told me that he wanted to "become just like me." He wanted me to be his mentor.
Although flattered, I suspected that this momentary glow would not last. I agreed to help him, but first I gave him some homework. His assignment was to go home and familiarize himself with my program. After he completed this, he was to call me and arrange to spend the time he wanted.
I never heard from him again. This young man's request was a wish-a mere whim. Once he discovered the work it would take, he forgot about it and stopped working toward it because it was not a 100 on the scale.
How will you know when you've hit pay dirt? You will know when you arrive at the core because you will invariably have some kind of emotional reaction. Our Core Desires always center around how we want to feel about ourselves-as a result of being a certain kind of person, having a particular item, or accomplishing a particular thing.
When you identify a Core Desire, you may feel great joy. You may even start to cry, because the long hidden need or want has gone unfulfilled for so many years. You may get sweaty hands, or your heart may pound with excitement. Sometimes discovering a Core Desire is accompanied by just a calm, peaceful sigh of understanding or a simple, clear, doubt-free, quiet nodding of the head.
Ask someone who knows you well to help you evaluate your emotional responses. Their observations of your emotional reactions can be quite accurate. No matter how you react to discovering your Core Desires, you'll know it when it happens. Fathoming a Core Desire takes introspection, work, empathy, and insight.
Identifying your genuine heartfelt Core Desires requires that you really get to know yourself-at levels you might not have gone to before. What is way down there can be a real eye-opener. It may be humbling, embarrassing, or may open old wounds. In each case, it is valuable because it is the truth, and the truth will set you on the right path. Don't let your inability to see how you are going to achieve your true desire keep you from acknowledging what it really is. Make your desire a reality.
Here's another idea. When you are having difficulty discovering the desires inside yourself, just guess. You'd be surprised at how accurate a guess can be. Guessing can also open the door to a part of your heart that has been closed for some time.
One woman I know was stuck and just couldn't move forward. I asked her to guess what she desired most. She looked up at the ceiling and said, "Well, maybe it could be that I was closer to my son." Then she started to cry. That was her Core Desire.
Another man told me, "I just don't know what I want." "Guess," I said. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "It might be that I was involved with people more."
Then I asked, "If you were involved more with others, what would that give you?" The man got teary as he told me that his wife had passed away a few months ago, and he missed her terribly. He had found the only thing that helped ease the emptiness and loneliness was being with other people.
By Jack M. Zufelt
"Mentor To Millions