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5 Ways to Lose Friends and Influence People

Written by: Paul Kearley

Article Overview: It's always amazing how some people just naturally connect, while others seem to be experts at driving others away. Here are 5 principles to keep in mind when working on building your relationships.

5 Ways to Lose Friends and Influence People

You can make more friends in 10 minutes by becoming genuinely interested in them, than you can in ten years by trying to get them interested in you.

                                                                                                                                                ~Dale Carnegie

 I don't think he ever liked me; I don't know why, It was just a feeling I had.

It seemed every time I was near enough where a "hello" or a handshake could have been used to connect, he'd always turn away, start up a conversation with someone else or simply ignore me.

It was so obvious it was predictable.

As far as I knew, I had never done anything to cause him to be this way towards me.

The interesting thing is that there are many other people who really like him and get along great with him, it just seemed that we were never meant to click.

It didn't really bother me, when I discovered his pattern; I simply became used to it and spoke to him with a nod or a "hi", whenever we passed within speaking distance.  We seemed to actually unconsciously agree to be cool to each other without even speaking of it.

Then a few weeks ago, as I was walking to the post office, deep in my own thoughts, he actually walked up to me with this great big painted smile and said "Hello, how are you today?" and walked along beside me for a few minutes, trying to engage me in conversation.

I became instantly suspicious.

Then, again a day or so later, there he was handing out flyers by the doorway.  There was one person on each side of the door, so naturally I took one from the other guy, shook his hand and started to go in the building.

The next thing I knew, I heard this booming voice  saying, "Hey, what's the matter, aren't you going to shake my hand?" and there he stood, hand outstretched, the same painted smile on his face, everyone within earshot turning to see what the shout was about.

So, I shook his hand, and went on my way.

Later on in the day I clued in to what was going on: there was an election coming up and he was running for a position on council.

He wanted my vote.

But it was too little too late.

Unfortunately, our world is plagued with opportunistic, sunny day friends who are nice to you when they want something, but hide when you come their way with a request.  An occasional, one sided friendship is not something that I wanted to be a part of.

You don't need people in your life who are friendly just when they want something.

You need positive, affirming, supportive people who will encourage you and help you build the friendship into a mutually beneficial relationship with not one person better than the other.

So, it got me to thinking, if a person wants to remain aloof and limit the number of friends that he/she has, here are 6 things that they can do:

• 1. Ignore people. When they walk your way, turn away from them, pretend to look interested in someone or something else, give that spot on the wall as much attention as you can, until the other person passes by.
• 2. Make every conversation all about you. Tell people just how good you really are, and keep telling them, never let them forget it.
• 3. Always have one better than everyone else. If someone tells you about their trip to the cottage, tell them about your trip to the South and the suntan you got, or how you climbed Mount Everest without oxygen or even climbing boots. If they tell you about their car, tell them about your Porsche, but make sure that you are always bigger better, and faster. Your goal here is to make them feel small and insignificant.
• 4. Criticize, condemn and complain. Make sure you tell people how much they messed up, and do it with flair: make a joke about them. Always look for ways to tell how you would do it better and complain about everything. Too hot out? Complain. Too cold? Complain. Something not like you would do? Umm hmm, complain. Your back is hurting? Yup, you can complain. Got a cold or not feeling well? There's a complaint for that as well.
• 5. Gossip about people. Talk about them behind their backs in a negative way. Talk about their faults and weaknesses. Tell everyone you can: Do your best to let the whole community know, and don't care about who is within hearing distance.

This week, if you are wondering about how to not find more friends to connect with, or more people to bring into your circle of influence, make sure you follow these 5 guidelines, and you won't be disappointed.

 

Make this your best week ever!

Related Articles
  Your Circle Of Influence
  The Power to Influence Your Employees
  The Do's and Dont's of Influencing Others
  Success by Association
  Who Is In Your Circle of Influence What Does That Say About You

Article Tags: conversation with someone, dale carnegie, doorway, earshot, em em, few minutes, flyers, handshake, nod, painted smile, post office, shout



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