Making Relationships a Work of A.R.T.

Making Relationships a Work of A.R.T.

In memory of Dorothy (Dot) Pearson who passed away Sept 11, 2009.

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you.

I have an idea how it is done.  You probably do as well, but there is a definite art to it that some people know instinctively how and what to do, yet others struggle with every day.  The kicker to all of it though, is it is not difficult, but it does take purposeful effort.

What skill am I talking about you may ask? All right, I'll tell you, it is the fine art of strengthening relationships with others.

Dot Pearson was one of those gifted artists who really knew how to paint a masterpiece when it came to building relationships.  When I first met her back in the late 1980's, she was a regional manager of a chain of jewellery stores, supervising hundreds of people. 

And she did it masterfully. 

Her employees would have walked over broken glass for her, because they knew that she would have done the same for them. 

And in many ways she did.

I had many conversations with Dot about her employees, about her company and about her career progression over the years.  She was so trusting with me that she would tell me things that I probably didn't need to hear, but to create the complete picture for me, she would just tell me in the spirit that the information would help me to help her staff.  She always put them first.

I remember one workshop in particular that I did for her that really outlined to me what kind of person she really was. Please let me tell you about it.

It was getting close to late fall, and in the jewellery business, that means ramping up for Christmas and getting everything ready to outdo last year's numbers.  New products had been ordered, new salespeople hired, the stores were starting to look their best, but there was one thing that needed to be strengthened: the attitudes of the people towards the upcoming season and towards each other.

I was hired to do some sales training work, and to work on attitude improvement, but I don't think I was really needed at all, as Dot had everything well under control.

It was her opening talk to the people that has stayed with me over these years.  Like some great football coach preparing her team for a championship game, Dot prepared them for the workshop and for the busy season ahead, by simply taking a few minutes at the beginning to demonstrate how she appreciated, respected and trusted them and to tell them how she believed in them.

Dot would often tell me that she didn't like speaking that much in public, but this wasn't speaking, this was touching people's hearts and minds, and when you have that combination, you have a winning ticket.  She started out telling each and every employee how much she appreciated them and their input, and she gave specific examples to prove that she had been paying attention throughout the year. She would look at them and speak directly to them as if it was a private conversation in a sea of people.  The respect that she showed them by giving genuine, sincere appreciation was something to watch.  It came so natural to her, and it meant so much to the team.  You could physically see people sit taller and become more engaged in the process as well as in the company.

There is a certain trust that is created when a person is made to feel appreciated and respected that you cannot buy, and you cannot just create out of thin air, as many managers attempt to do.

It is not something you can fake; People know when you are genuine.

It is not something that you can do once and expect to last a lifetime: People need consistency.

It is not something that you can pretend to do: People need to feel like they matter.

It is not something that can be done if you are just focused on the bottom line: People will never take risks and have trust, if they are afraid of failing.

It is, however, something that can be learned and perfected, if you really want to build others.

In my 20 plus years with Dale Carnegie, I have discovered a certain truth that is unfailingly accurate each and every time: If you are genuinely interested in others and show it by giving appreciation, showing respect and building trust with them, they will respond in kind.

This comes with an iron clad guarantee.

Try it sometime.

I have heard many people over the years say "well, they know that I appreciate them, why should I do such and such?" I also have heard people say "I never got it when I was working my way up through the company, why should I do it with them?" These are both just very convenient excuses for someone to use when they don't know what to do or if they just don't care. If you are interested only in yourself and what you can get, please forget this principle because it will never work for you.

It can't. People will see right through you.

But if, on the other hand, you forget about yourself and what you can get, and focus on the other person and what you can help them get, they will never let you down. One of my favourite quotes of all time is one by the world famous sales trainer Zig Ziglar.  He says "You can get almost anything you want in life, if you'll just help enough other people get what they want."

Do you want to know what other people want?

Appreciation. Respect. Trust.  (A.R.T.)

Do this and you will not only win hearts and minds, you will win respect and trust for yourself, not to mention cooperation, team spirit, creativity, initiative and commitment.

So, what do you have to lose?

Great people never create great things by themselves; they usually do it with and through the efforts of others, who believe in them and their vision.

And you can too.

What can you do this week to step out of your ego and demonstrate that you genuinely appreciate, respect and trust others?

Make a phone call, write a letter, tell someone directly, just make sure that it is focused on the other person.  Be sincere when you do because people can see through insincerity a mile away.  Just do something!  Don't let potential relationships slip through your fingers because you neglected to notice them, become an ARTist and use the colours of appreciation, respect and trust to paint masterpieces of relationships that will not fade with age, but get more vibrant with the passage of time.

Make this your best week ever!

Paul