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You Schmooze, You Lose!

Written by: Sue Brundege

Article Overview: I generally think of myself as a borderline introvert/extrovert. Despite this, much of my business comes through networking and referrals; this marketing strategy requires me to go to events, meet strangers, make phone calls, schedule appointments, and actively cultivate new relationships. This is a breeze on my “extrovert” days, and much more of a struggle on my “introvert” days. What I’ve found, though, is that the more selective I am about where, when, and how I network, the easier it all is, regardless of how I’m feeling on a particular day. In this article I explore some basic principles for making in-person networking more comfortable, more fulfilling, and more fun, regardless of whether you’re building a business, advancing your career, or just wanting to meet new friends!

You Schmooze, You Lose!

When I ask clients what they don’t like about networking, I usually get one of three responses:

1) “I feel awkward meeting new people.”
2) “I don’t know how to introduce my business without sounding pushy.”
3) “I’m just not good at ‘schmoozing.’ ”

It’s sad, really, because these are friendly, fascinating people who have a lot to offer and gain from developing new business relationships through networking, but they don’t always shine (or even show up!) because of these fears.

Much of the trouble is in the way people think about networking and go about networking. Effective networking isn’t about schmoozing, mingling, working the room, chasing leads, or clinching the deal. In fact, this approach has little effectiveness and a whole lot of “ick-ness.”

A more effective (and palatable) approach to networking is to authentically cultivate meaningful business relationships in comfortable environments for mutual benefit and long-term fulfillment.

Sounds nicer, doesn’t it? This kind of networking helps you overcome any resistance you have around meeting new people. It helps you consciously choosing organizations, events, and people that are a great “fit” and bring out your best. It also helps you develop networking strategies that feel more natural, so you can get “out there” with confidence.

Here are five basic principles to help you network more easily, more authentically, and with better results!

1. Find the Perfect Fit – Align yourself with organizations, events, and people that really fit who you are, both professionally and personally. First get clear on your own values, goals, style, and personality, then create a list of criteria to help you recognize a good fit when you see it.

2. Get Involved – Joining fewer groups and attending fewer events means you have more time and energy to get more involved in those “perfect fit” groups. Contributing your knowledge, experience, and talents to an organization through volunteering is a fast pass to meeting more people, raising your credibility, and accumulating referrals and opportunities more quickly.

3. Plan and Prepare – There’s nothing worth doing that doesn’t benefit from planning and preparation. Yet how many times have you left for a networking event without the slightest idea whom you might meet, what you would say, or what you wanted to happen? Ideally, plan and prepare for networking events in four ways:
• What events you decide to attend
• How you want to think and feel about the event
• What you’ll say during
• What you’ll do afterward

4. Make the Connection – The preceding principles set the stage for authentic networking; the real work takes place at the event. That’s where the action is. It’s also where many people stumble. When facing an unfamiliar environment, encountering new people, and feeling uncertain about “how it will go,” it’s easy to forget your goals and careful planning. Here’s a process to help you get out of your head and into the moment:

Get centered. Take a deep breath, review your goals, and take time to get a “feel” for the room before diving in. Warm up with people you know, then reach out to meet new people.

Choose your first contact. Look for people who are open, friendly, appear to have something in common with you, or look more nervous than you feel!

Open the conversation. Start out light, neutral, and complimentary. Ask open-ended questions that draw the other person out. Be sure to share things about yourself, but shift the conversation back to them as much as you can.

Listen for commonalities. Listen for clues about things, people, or places you have in common. Finding commonalities is the foundation to building a friendship.

Build the connection. Explore those commonalities and build upon them. Aim to move from sharing clichés to facts to opinions to personal values, as appropriate. Also listen for ways you can help that person, and ways they can help you.

Create a next step. Failing to follow up is one of the biggest (and most common!) networking errors. If you like someone and want to progress the relationship to the next level, you have to take the initiative. Invite them for coffee, lunch, or another event. Suggest sending them an article you think they’d find interesting. Offer to introduce them to someone else who might help them professionally or personally.

5. Take the Next Step – As you think about those languishing stacks of business cards on your desk, you know it takes intention, focus, and effort to follow up after a networking event. Regardless of how well you connected with someone, don’t assume that they will contact you. Instead, build blocks of follow-up time into your schedule before you go to an event. Then use that time to return calls, invite people to lunch, send them that article, or make that introduction.

By following these five principles, you take charge of your networking experience and control the outcome in a way that’s comfortable, natural, and even enjoyable!

Think about the different ways you network to build your business (or career or social circle). How can you apply these five principles to meet people and cultivate relationships more easily?

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Article Tags: business relationships, confidence, effective networking, environments, fears, fulfillment, meaningful business, mutual benefit, networking strategies, new business, perfect fit, personality, raisin, resistance, schmoozing, talents, whole lot



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