A Lesson from the Unsinkable Molly Brown

“Nothin’ nor nobody wants me down likes I wants me UP!” – The Unsinkable Molly Brown. 

Debbie Reynolds starred in the 1964 musical as the scrappy Molly Brown who bounced back from one adversity after another to get what she wanted out of life.  We have all known people who seem to have the ability to make their dreams a reality despite overwhelming odds.  What is it that they know that we don’t?  What sustains them in their quest?  The answer lies in Molly’s next line, “’Cause UP is where the hope is.”

Dreams can’t come true if we lose hope.  Hope cannot thrive unless we stay UP.  The things that separate those who consistently realize their dreams from those that don’t is their ability to stay focused on their goals and keep their spirits up during times of adversity.  Those whose dreams become reality view interim failures as a temporary setback, not the end of the dream.  People who persevere don’t let these setbacks sap their energies, distract them from their goals or, worse yet, cause them to give up on their dreams.  How do they keep focused and stay UP?

Dreams, Not Fantasies

First, they have dreams not fantasies.  All too often those who say they have a dream are really fantasizing about what they would like.  Their attitude typically is, “Wouldn’t it be great if …?”  That attitude demonstrates a desire, not a commitment.  

Without commitment the fantasy rarely becomes reality.  Unfortunately, our conscious mind doesn’t realize that we lack the commitment necessary to make the dream come true so we are disappointed.  With every passing year our disappointment intensifies until we finally give up hope.  

Abandoning a dream leaves a void, an emptiness, in our lives which diminishes our ability to dream and robs us of the joy of living our dreams.  By committing ourselves to our dreams we take the first step in making them realities.  

Game Plan

The second step is establishing a game plan for making the dream come true.  As we decide on a plan of action our excitement intensifies.  We develop the resolve necessary to take the initial steps to making that dream a reality.  

It isn’t important for us to be able to see the whole plan.  All we need are the initial steps.  What we learn in those initial stages will help us define the rest of the plan.  What’s important is that we are no longer fantasizing.  By identifying an approach to the dream we make it attainable.

Something interesting occurs at this stage of converting dreams to reality.  As we develop our game plan, we may decide that what we dreamed isn’t as important to us as we first thought; that the dream isn’t worth the time, effort and energy necessary to make it come true.  That’s all right.  

In fact, reaching this conclusion is better than giving up on a dream without having developed a game plan.  Why?  Because we are making a conscious decision not to pursue the dream; we are not giving up on the dream.  What’s the difference?  The way we feel is different. 

When we choose not to pursue a dream, we feel comfortable with the choice we made.  There is no sense of loss – no feeling of disappointment.  More importantly, our confidence in our abilities remains intact.  We are free to dream other dreams and feel that these new dreams can become an enjoyable reality in our future. 

Staying UP

The final element necessary to making dreams come true is keeping our spirits up – keeping hope alive.  Life has a way of placing lots of little obstacles (and a few big ones) in our way.  In and of themselves the little things like the car breaking down, the kids getting the flu, the boss having a bad day and traffic normally won’t prevent our dreams from coming true, but cumulatively they tend to bring our spirits down and sap our energy.   How can we prevent that from happening?  Change the focus of our attention.

It is human nature to be egocentric – to ask, “Why is this happening to me?”  Implicit in that question is the feeling that the world isn’t treating us fairly, yet all of us know people with whom we would not trade lives - people who are working through much greater difficulty than we are.  If we change our focus to the welfare of others, we have less time to feel sorry for ourselves.

One of the things that has helped me stay UP is the commitment to leave everyone I meet better off than they were before we met.  That may seem like a daunting task, but it really isn’t.  If we give someone a reason to smile we make his or her life better – even if only for a few seconds. You don’t have to trust me on this.  Think back to a time when someone you didn’t know smiled and said, “Hi”.  Did you smile?  Of course you did.  Did that make you feel better?  You bet!  

I am not saying that you have to go around telling jokes all the time, although some of you are quite good at spreading cheer that way.  A simple smile and a friendly greeting FOR EVERYONE WE SEE DURING THE DAY are all that’s necessary to enrich that person’s life and yours as well.  

In fact, the response I get from others is so rewarding that, for a while, I began to wonder whether my motives were really to help others or myself.  The truth is that the greatest joy any of us experiences comes from knowing that we helped someone else.  Making others smile and feel better definitely helps them.  

I know some of you are thinking, “I can do that when I am already in a good mood, but I’m not sure that I can on a day that isn’t going well.”  What better time to refocus your attention than when you are down.  Dwelling on your plight isn’t going to make you feel better.

If you honor your commitment on the difficult days, you will find that smiles, warm greetings and light-hearted responses being returned to you, will lift your spirits and put those annoying little distractions back into perspective – not just for a few seconds, but for the rest of the day.  Do this day in and day out and you will find that staying UP is much easier than you think.  You will also find that those you have helped when they were down will help you during your periods of frustration.  

Don’t fantasize; commit to your dreams by developing a game plan.  Keep your spirits and energy up while working the plan by enriching the lives of others.  ENJOY LIVING YOUR DREAMS!

Copyright © 2008, Dale Furtwengler, all rights reserved