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Appreciate Your Adversaries, II

Guest post by: Michael Hume

Article Overview: We all end up with adversaries in life - people who seem to oppose you at every turn, sometimes for no particular good reason. You've met a few strong Entrepreneur-types, though, who seem to acknowledge the reality of adversaries but live as though their aspiration is not to have any opponents at all. That type of person has realized that appreciating her adversaries is an excellent form of attitude maintenance, that it keeps her better nature strong while leaving her lesser nature wanting....

Appreciate Your Adversaries, II

What's Good About Who's Bad? I've made the point that there are two types of person in the world, and in each of us. One type is the Entrepreneur: the daring risk-taker, the creative idea-generator, the energetic go-getter, the compassionate collaborator, the positive glass-half-full thinker. The other is the Victim: the cautious bureaucrat, the cynical idea-criticizer, the tired naysayer, the politically-minded competitor, the negative glass-half-empty complainer.

Which side of your own nature will dominate you depends upon which you feed, and which you let go hungry. Whether you own your own business or, like some of my clients, you're on a leadership mission within an organization, you want to constantly feed your "inner Entrepreneur," and give your "inner Victim" nothing to subsist upon. And one of the best ways to do both of these at once is to appreciate your adversaries.

We all end up with adversaries in life - people who seem to oppose you at every turn, sometimes for no particular good reason. You've met a few strong Entrepreneur-types, though, who seem to acknowledge the reality of adversaries but live as though their aspiration is not to have any opponents at all. That type of person has realized that appreciating her adversaries is an excellent form of attitude maintenance, that it keeps her better nature strong while leaving her lesser nature wanting.

Think about your current adversaries. Who do you worry about? Who do you gripe about after work (hopefully not to excess)? Without whom would your life be humming along perfectly smoothly? With luck, you don't have more than a small handful of adversaries in your life today. She might be a former ally who has "turned" on you for whatever reason; he might be an arrogant boss, or a scheming direct-report. Regardless, your homework is to start the new year by finding something (as many things as possible) to appreciate about that person.

Years ago, I worked several projects with a leader who was an unpleasant person. I dreaded going to work with him, because his own insecurities did not permit him to interact with others (especially, for some reason, with me) without criticizing them. It was all in the name of "brutal honesty," but most people who knew him would say his blistering criticism was more about brutality than honesty. But you know what? He was (presumably still is) a brilliant guy, and a talented speaker. I learned a lot from him... and, as I fed my inner Entrepreneur and found myself getting stronger, I was able to focus more on what I was learning from this guy and almost ignore his nastier stuff. My inner Victim was tempted to "roll over" during some of the more egregious interactions, but I instinctively knew that doing so would've sucked me down into a pretty dark place... so I worked hard to take my own attitude in the opposite direction. I can't say, even over time, that working with this guy ever became "pleasant" - but it did become tolerable, and I even came to a place where I was able to help others deal positively with him (instead of joining in on their gripe-sessions about him).

What are you learning from your current opponent? If you don't like her, what do you respect about her? If you don't trust him, what kind of friendship can you build with him anyway? How could appreciating your adversary feed not only your own inner Entrepreneur, but hers, too?

Realistically, you will seldom turn adversaries into allies in the course of your life and career (though it does happen from time to time). Each of us will always have that lesser self, the one I call the inner Victim, and there will always be people who insist on nourishing that self and wallowing in their negativity. But you should appreciate your adversaries anyway - any way you can, using whatever interpersonal creativity you can muster - because it makes you a better person. And you can't give your own inner Victim any nutrition whatsoever; the Victim-types are out there, and they're always recruiting.

The best way to avoid joining the Victim team is to make yourself an active recruiter for Team Entrepreneur. Keep your better nature well-fed, starve your inner Victim, and start by finding a way to appreciate your adversaries.

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Article Tags: entrepreneurship, health wealth and happiness, inspirational leadership, personal responsibility



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