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Are You Running For "Victim?"

Guest post by: Michael Hume

Article Overview: My name is Joe Average, America, and I'm here today to announce that I'm running a campaign. I'm here to announce that I'm a candidate. For a heart attack....

Are You Running For "Victim?"

Get The NEWSS And Suspend Your Campaign My name is Joe Average, America, and I'm here today to announce that I'm running a campaign. I'm here to announce that I'm a candidate.

For a heart attack.

I'm sure you'll agree that I'm an excellent candidate. I smoke, I drink a lot of alcohol and caffeine, and I'm definitely hauling around a few extra pounds - at least twenty. The only thing I ever exercise is my right to a sedentary lifestyle. Fast food? I never met a fried burger I didn't like! Water? Never touch the stuff. I do get eight hours of sleep - per weekend - and the only supplement I take is supplemental insurance. I'm over forty, overweight, and impressively overqualified for the office I seek: that of "Heart Attack Victim."

Are you running for the same office? Not to worry... so are a LOT of us! But this is one campaign that's not competitive. We can all "win," so there's no need to attack each other. That's not the sort of attack we're interested in!

Lately, you've heard a lot of media attacks against me... I understand, I understand, that stuff just comes with the turf. Even the American Heart Association, in its journal this past summer, presented so-called research that attacks everything I stand for. According to their report, every dollar spent on building trails - you know, the kind poorer heart-attack candidates use to walk and bike - saves THREE dollars in medical costs, nationwide! And if you own a business, you'll be shocked to hear they claim companies that invest in worksite wellness programs and healthy work environments have measurably lower absenteeism and measurably higher productivity! Slanderous!

Ladies and gentlemen, believe me when I say I'm undeterred. I will steadfastly run my campaign for heart failure, ignorning every bit of NEWSS I hear. Those five key daily health habits - Nutrition, Exercise, Water, Sleep, and Supplements - they're not for me! I promise you will never hear substantiated reports of me cutting the garbage out of my diet, working out 3-6 times a week, drinking two liters of water every day, getting a whole weekend's worth of sleep every single night, or taking good multi-nutrients to supplement my diet. No way! When I say I'm running for a heart attack, I mean I'm in it to WIN it!

Now, let me take your questions. Right after I finish my beer and cigarette. And then I need to get your donations to my campaign fund, all of which goes to pay my medical bills! I'll be happy to shake your hands - your right hands, that is, due to this sharp pain in my left arm.

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Article Tags: health habits, health wealth and happiness, personal responsibility, successful entrepreneurs



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