It's Time To Bring An End To... Everything!
Stop The Madness By Occupying A Street
The other day I'm all eating breakfast at a local restaurant when the one lady comes up with the coffee pot and she's all, "How is everything?" So I go, "Everything? Everything? You're asking me about everything? Let me tell you, Lady, I'm against everything! And you should be, too!"
Dang straight. I am no longer welcome in that particular establishment, of course, but that's not the point. The point is that we should all be in solidarity with our brethren (and sistern) at the Occupy Wall Street protest going on over in New York. As they say there, it's time to put an end to the madness of, well, everything.
If you are not aware of this particular protest, you should become so, because they're expanding it as we speak (speak?) and, by the time you read this, it probably will already have come to a city near you.
What is "Occupy Wall Street" all about, you ask? Well, it's hard to say (without knowing)... all we have to go by is what the protestors themselves say to reporters. It's becoming increasingly difficult to get reporters to go in there (now that the dedicated young protestors have been marinating in their natural un-bathed juices for a few weeks), but when they do, they learn, uh, not much. Many protestors they interview actually have no idea why they're there. But others do seem to be against some stuff, such as banks, and wealth, and capitalism, and (as one intelligent young man summarized) everything.
You might point out that the capitalism (and other elements of "everything") against which these people sit in protest are the very things which supply them with enough time and leisure to sit in protest. But if you bring up that sort of whacko craziness, you're probably a Republican, or a business owner, or some other form of (gasp!) Tea Partier!
You Tea Partiers better wake up and smell the protestors. You had your moment, now it's our turn to occupy various streets! Sure, you had hundreds and thousands show up for your events... but we have literally dozens of the finest specimens of human intelligence turning out for us! And you're obviously doing it all wrong, Tea Party: in more than 300 of your events, there's been not a single arrest. We've had over 700 arrests already, and with far fewer people! Put that in your tea bag and steep it!
No, it's time to put an end to the madness of this nefarious "everything" you keep hearing about, and obviously the only way to do it is to go occupy some public place without bathing for weeks on end. And that's probably where you Tea Partiers are at a big disadvantage. When will you learn that you can never do what we do?
You have jobs.