One of the foremost causes of male/female partners’ fights about business issues is that men and women react disparately to stress. Both genders’ brains release oxytocin and vasopressin, but these hormones act differently in the presence of his testosterone and her estrogen. Circulating testosterone in males enhances the effect of vasopressin, and both hormones, testosterone and vasopressin, are known to increase aggression.
On the other hand, circulating estrogen in females’ bodies heighten the effect of oxytocin, a calming hormone linked to a tendency to communicate in females. This is the opposite of the male response. In addition, women have more brain area allocated to word production than their male counterparts, which makes them inclined toward greater speech fluency. Normally, a woman wants to discuss her problem when she is under stress—to her business partner, mate, her friends, and her adult children—as a means of relieving it. Men under tension typically want to shout, lash out, or seek solitude. As Josh Billings says, “Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.”
Both blame the other for problems. Small differences of opinion accelerate into something far more nasty and significant than either intended. In the end, business partners fight not only about the issue at hand, but often about their separate fighting styles as well. The real problem festers and is almost certain to return again. Solutions—viable opportunities to end a particular kind of conflict once and for all—are missed time and again.
Now, there is a fresh way of looking at this problem. When partners understand that their opposite sex business associate is responding in a particular way, not because she/he is ‘mean,’ but because males and females are hardwired to react to tension in oppositional ways, a constructive approach is easier to implement. These “fair fight” guidelines help lead to understanding and resolution helping to end anger and aggression.
1 Remain calm during a business dispute. Keeping passion at bay can help you find common ground more easily because you both will be thinking more clearly. A disagreement can turn into a fruitful discussion. You can conquer toxic exchanges.
2 Share feelings rather than judgments. This is the most effective way to connect to your business associate emotionally and allow him or her see to your point of view.
3 Start sentences with “I” and explain how you feel. Avoid beginning sentences with “You” that presume to tell your partner what he or she thinks or feels.
4 Share information and ideas as well as emotions.
5 Use humor and gentle teasing to help defuse negative emotions.
The X and Y Fighting Factors under Stress: Fresh Insights - To learn more about this author, visit Shirley Mueller's Website.
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Vwodek Wojczynski
Business Coach and Consultant Vwodek Wojczynski (pronounced Voy-chin-ski) brings fun, awareness, accountability and fresh perspectives based on his diverse experiences in life and business.
Born in Poland and educated in Greece and Canada, he is trilingual with 8 years experience in business development with clients in Canada, USA, Switzerland and Poland.
His approach is systematic and process-driven. He fuses the know-how of proven business methods with his commitment that entrepreneurs experience satisfaction and joy based on their values, motivations and strengths. He believes that businesses succeed based on their ability to generate value by providing what’s needed and wanted.
Ultimately, he trains executives and true business owners - people who work less, produce more, own businesses that run automatically after a while and make a difference globally.
His current research focus is the development of intelligent business systems and the application of emerging artificial intelligence technologies in business.
He is also an avid traveler, spoken word performer and visual artist. He resides in Toronto, Canada. - Visit Vwodek Wojczynski's Website |
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Shirley Mueller
(Visit Shirley's Website)
Shirley M Mueller turned every doctor's
fear - inability to invest his or her hard
earned money wisely - into her greatest
passion. While practicing medicine, she
handled seven family investment accounts.
When she retired from medicine in 1995,
she worked for seven years in the
investment industry. Now, she writes
regularly for Physician's Financial News,
a money management internet publication
directed at doctors. Dr. Mueller also
educates, both one on one and publicly,
about how to effectively self-invest using
a simple and effective three-step
approach. Recently she gave lectures
regarding this topic at Indiana/Purdue
University.
Mueller specializes in client-managed
investment portfolios for which she
provides unbiased information. She is not
associated with a firm for whom she has to
promote a party line. Her fee is hourly,
not a percentage of assets.
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