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The X and Y Fighting Factors under Stress: Fresh Insights

Guest post by: Shirley Mueller

Article Overview: Male partners (professional or personal) can drive their female counterparts crazy. The reverse can also be true. This widespread problem may be more about his Y and her X than commonly appreciated. That’s because to a certain extent our specialized chromosomes (female XX and male XY) compel each sex toward a particular behavior, one that is not always advantageous in our modern day and age.

The X and Y Fighting Factors under Stress: Fresh Insights

One of the foremost causes of male/female partners’ fights about business issues is that men and women react disparately to stress. Both genders’ brains release oxytocin and vasopressin, but these hormones act differently in the presence of his testosterone and her estrogen. Circulating testosterone in males enhances the effect of vasopressin, and both hormones, testosterone and vasopressin, are known to increase aggression.
On the other hand, circulating estrogen in females’ bodies heighten the effect of oxytocin, a calming hormone linked to a tendency to communicate in females. This is the opposite of the male response. In addition, women have more brain area allocated to word production than their male counterparts, which makes them inclined toward greater speech fluency. Normally, a woman wants to discuss her problem when she is under stress—to her business partner, mate, her friends, and her adult children—as a means of relieving it. Men under tension typically want to shout, lash out, or seek solitude. As Josh Billings says, “Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.”
Both blame the other for problems. Small differences of opinion accelerate into something far more nasty and significant than either intended. In the end, business partners fight not only about the issue at hand, but often about their separate fighting styles as well. The real problem festers and is almost certain to return again. Solutions—viable opportunities to end a particular kind of conflict once and for all—are missed time and again.
Now, there is a fresh way of looking at this problem. When partners understand that their opposite sex business associate is responding in a particular way, not because she/he is ‘mean,’ but because males and females are hardwired to react to tension in oppositional ways, a constructive approach is easier to implement. These “fair fight” guidelines help lead to understanding and resolution helping to end anger and aggression.

1 Remain calm during a business dispute. Keeping passion at bay can help you find common ground more easily because you both will be thinking more clearly. A disagreement can turn into a fruitful discussion. You can conquer toxic exchanges.
2 Share feelings rather than judgments. This is the most effective way to connect to your business associate emotionally and allow him or her see to your point of view.
3 Start sentences with “I” and explain how you feel. Avoid beginning sentences with “You” that presume to tell your partner what he or she thinks or feels.
4 Share information and ideas as well as emotions.
5 Use humor and gentle teasing to help defuse negative emotions.

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Article Tags: adult children, anger and aggression, brain area, business associate, business issues, constructive approach, fair fight, female partners, festers, issue at hand, josh billings, male counterparts, male response, males and females, oxytocin, sex business, speech fluency, vasopressin, viable opportunities, word production



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