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Will You Ignore The Stranger Next To You?

Guest post by: Ilise Benun

Article Overview: The best way to get new clients is to always be expanding your network. This article will show you how -- because you never know where it will lead.

Will You Ignore The Stranger Next To You?

The number one way to secure to new clients is through networking. So it’s a good idea to always be expanding your network. And what better way than to strike up conversations no matter where you are – on a plane, in a restaurant, at the bus stop – because you truly never know where it will lead.

Take my friend, Jack. He travels quite a bit for work. He is a friendly guy and he doesn’t like to eat alone. So he often sits at the bar instead of a table, in the hopes of striking up a conversation. But he’s noticed something fascinating about the first few seconds with a stranger: if he doesn’t say something right away, it’s much more difficult to initiate a conversation later on.

Jack recently sat next to a guy at the bar of a barbecue restaurant in Western Massachusetts. He must have been tired that day because when he sat down, Jack didn’t say anything -- not “Hey, how ya doin’?” or a simple joke about being addicted to good barbecue. He didn’t even acknowledge the bartender. And Jack is convinced that’s why he found it impossible to strike up a conversation later on.

“If you sit down in silence and miss that tiny window of opportunity,” he told me, “the whole thing seems to get 50 times harder, because then you have to break a pre-existing silence with some kind of opening line. And that triggers a whole useless monologue in my head -- ‘He doesn’t want to talk to me. He’s got things on his mind’ -- instead of a conversation with this other person. And even worse, it feeds into the voice that says, ‘I’m so bad at this,’ and puts the focus on something that is totally unimportant.”

I love Jack’s story because it focuses on a very small networking action that every one of us has the potential to use – or not.

You see, the first moment with a stranger – at a bar or even at a networking event – is a very important one. Will you ignore each other or will you talk?

We all know that a first impression takes hold in those first few seconds. And that’s also when the stage is set for whether you will initiate a conversation -- a conversation that could lead to a new project…a new consulting arrangement…a new collaboration…a new friend…a new idea… indeed this conversation could go anywhere. But not if you stay silent.

This window of opportunity goes by very fast, often before anyone even notices it, and if you miss it, you can’t get it back. Fortunately, that doesn’t necessarily mean the opportunity is gone. You can still initiate a conversation; it’s just more difficult. Jack says it’s like first-strike battle tactics, where if you don’t hit hard right at the beginning it will be a longer slog later.

So from now on, remember to approach strangers with the awareness that this important moment is coming and be ready to seize it by saying something to break the ice.

Don’t use the excuse that you “just don’t know what to say.” The truth is that almost anything qualifies as an icebreaker. You can:

…simply say, “How are you today?”
…comment on something you see. If they’re reading, ask about the reading material. If they’re eating, ask about the food.
…offer to share something you have, whether it’s food (I always carry good dark chocolate just for this purpose) or a newspaper.
And here are two other things to keep in mind:

1. The content of your opening line is irrelevant. It simply serves the purpose of saying “I am available to talk if you are.” A simple acknowledgment and “hello” can do the trick. It’s like sticking a wedge in the door so it won’t close.

2. The other person may be self-conscious too. So be sensitive to their openness and proceed accordingly. He or she may appreciate your effort or may not be in the mood to talk. If the response you get is a perfunctory one, don’t push. But you should absolutely not take it as a personal rejection. It has nothing to do with you.

Talking to other people is one of the best ways to learn things and set down the foundation for a relationship that could go anywhere. You don’t need to know right away where it’s going or what is possible. People’s needs are constantly changing, so even if you can’t envision any potential in that first conversation, you should still always exchange contact information (one more reason to carry your business cards everywhere you go) and stay in touch.

Plenty of amazing contacts can arise out of meeting a stranger. Take me, for example. Last year, while waiting for a client in a hotel lobby, I struck up conversation with a man who worked for a major accounting corporation. It turned out he was in the market for someone to teach a networking workshop at his company’s upcoming training conference. You can bet I’ll stay in touch with him!

This idea is also important to keep in mind when you attend events where networking is the order of the day. Recently, a web designer I know attended a seminar (that he didn’t feel like attending, by the way) and ended up sitting next to an Art Director from one of the largest Web design agencies around. Instead of not saying a word, he said, “Hello,” and struck up a conversation. Now that agency is his biggest client. And all he said was, “Hello.”

Here’s the thing to remember: the more people you talk to, the higher the odds that something wonderful and unexpected will come out of each conversation. The more people you talk to…the more irons go into the fire…the more opportunities you’ll have to grow your business and improve your life.

Related Articles
  Get Them to Act on Your Sales Offer
  Increase Sales by Getting Strangers Coming to You
  Match Your Marketing To Your Relationship With Your Market
  Beyond Your Tasks
  A Smile - The Universal Language

Article Tags: barbecue restaurant, bartender, bus stop, conversations, expanding your network, first impression, first moment, friend jack, joke, monologue, networking event, silence, stranger, tiny window, western massachusetts, window of opportunity



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Re: Spellcheck? - [quote="TheAnonymousMan":2f894q6j]When discussing the majority of people I would definitely say that most people hit the "Change" or "Ignore" button without thinking too much about the correct spelling of a word. All bosses are concerned about is getting the report to the Directors meeting on time.[/quote:2f894q6j] That probably depends on what the "majority" are trying to accomplish. I have word set to alert me about misspellings and grammatical problems, so I fix most as I go. But I also add names etc to the dictionary because I get tired of seeing the red and green squiggles when I know the info is right. If you're only going to click "Change" or "Ignore" then why bother to take the time to use spell check????? Business people that I work for want the info compiled in a timely manner and they want it right - which is fine because that's the way I strive to do any project. Sending out a memo, letter, report etc with obvious spelling and grammatical mistakes makes the person and the company look bad as far as I'm concerned. Shri
Re: Spellcheck? - [quote="Nana":1fo9wjn7]I like spell check because sometimes I don't realize I am spelling a word wrong, so rather then continuously spelling that word wrong I'd like to know the correct spelling. Also, if I know that I can't spell a word I'll use spell check as a means to learn the correct spelling. One can improve their English using a spell check if they actually take the time to note the correct spelling of the word.[/quote:1fo9wjn7] When discussing the majority of people I would definitely say that most people hit the "Change" or "Ignore" button without thinking too much about the correct spelling of a word. All bosses are concerned about is getting the report to the Directors meeting on time.
Simple way to avoid Cold Calling - Gary, A chiropractor I work with hates cold calling (me too!) and he uses a technique to warm people up to using his services - it's so simple! In Sales your dealing with 3 pools of people: 1. Strangers 2. Prospects 3. Returning Customers You need to move people from one pool to the next. We'll concentrate on #1 and #2 as it's most relevant to your question. My Clients does the following (you just have to tailor it to your situation - be creative). My Client (we'll call him Bob) Bob leverages his time and resources to only get people that need his offer (pain relief) to put their hand up. Dealing with Strangers can get expensive and they don't like to be told what to do as they have no trust or relationship built with him. So to get Strangers to put their hands up he writes up an offer with a free report on a particular pain relief - let's say lower back pain (note: he can simply just change lower back pain to neck pain and have a new report). and uses multiple marketing vehicles to promote the Free report - magazines, newspaper, forums, postcards, private clinics etc. The only people picking up this information are the very people Bob would like as customers as they have Lower back pain. Bob's Free report ends with him stating his services and includes a Free in-house Consultation with no obligation. You'd be surprised at how easily Bob converts Strangers into Prospects. Note: They become prospects when they ask for the Free Guide and in exchange provide their contact details. This gives Bob unlimited opportunity to contact them for the Free in-house consultation with no obligation to continue using him. At this stage Bob's ability to close the sale lies in his office providing good customer service, Bob's ability to help the prospect and provide value at the free in-house consultation. Notice, he hasn't had to pick up the phone to COLD-CALL his Stranger pool or his Prospect pool. Hope that example helps to increase your prospecting!
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