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Guest post by: Elizabeth J. Macarthur Become an Author

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Denial: Refusal to admit the truth or reality; assertion that an allegation is false.

Self-Denial: negation in logic; a psychological defence mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality.

In denial: refusing to admit the truth or reality of something unpleasant.

To be or not to be in denial, that is the question. Denial is a word that we all seem to want to shrug off and pretend that it doesn't exist as we would never want to believe that we are in denial of anything. Ironically enough, by the very definition of denial or being in denial, this makes us in denial about being in denial! Confusing, I know.

Being in denial has a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect it, influencing us and manipulation us to believe in false illusions. It preys on our insecurities, our hopes, our dreams, our wants, our needs, and even our positive qualities like loyalty and trust by using that to keep us hooked into the illusion.

We can find ourselves in a position where we want to believe in the illusion rather than taking a good look at what the reality is and checking out the facts. We will say things to ourselves like:

• "Oh she would never do that!"
• "He would never lie."
• "She really is a good person. I know she would never do anything intentional like that."
• "He is such a good, kind man."

Sometimes they will start out by being or doing something nice for you, gain your trust and then use that trust to manipulate you and run the illusion. And because that trust is there, we do not see or suspect the illusion and thus step into the denial role.

We experience this during our lifetime in all kinds of different ways, from all kinds of different people and in many different circumstances. They range from little ones that we can easily shrug off and keep going to big ones like betrayal that cut you like a knife and hurt very deeply.

Denial can show up in so many forms which is why it is difficult to narrow down the characteristics. We can feel like we totally have a handle on things only to find out later that the information that was fed to us by others was either only partial truths or simply lies. However, we believed them and made decisions and choices for ourselves based on that information that affected our lives, maybe a little positively, but mostly negatively.

We can remain in denial for short periods of time or for very, very long periods of time. I think the longer we are in denial the more painful it is to come out of. And yes, it can be very painful to realize that someone that you trusted, was loyal to, and believed in is not what they seem to be and have been manipulating you. Yes, that can be very painful and the very reason why we might want to stay in denial. However, sooner or later things happen and we can no longer deny what is really going on.

Coming out of denial is not really much fun. How can it be when you are realizing that others have betrayed you or lied to you or used you for their own purposes with no regards to the affect this would have on you, your life, or your loved ones. That is not a pleasant feeling or a very good feeling. There will be feelings of anger and maybe even hatred. There will be feelings of hurt and betrayal and confusion as we start to put the pieces together and make sense out of it all and try to figure out how and when we got pulled in.

Some things to watch out for are things like:

1. The feelings in your stomach - if someone is doing something or saying something to you that creates a funny feeling or a sick feeling in your stomach, pay attention to that. This is your intuition telling you that something is not right here.
2. If you are constantly making excuses for others or justifying their behaviour, something is not right.
3. If you are willing to change your own values or "bend the rules" just to fit in or receive another's approval, something is not right.
4. If you feel like someone else in your life knows how to run your life better than you, then you have given up control of your life to someone else. That is never good.
5. If you never feel good about the decisions you make about your own life, always doubting that they will not meet with approval, or defer to another, something is not right.
6. If another is constantly putting down your decisions, your actions, your life, something is not right here.
7. If another is consistently promising you financial gains which are always just around the corner, something is not right.
8. If another is constantly disempowering you by making you feel guilty for not agreeing with them, not doing it their way, or maybe even challenging them, something is not right.
9. If another is always making it everybody else's fault for everything that happens (constantly playing the victim), rest assured, eventually it will be your fault. Something is not right here.
10. If it is their way or the highway, something is not right here.
11. If they are not able to be excited for you for the good things that happen in our life the same way that you are always excited for them for the good things that happen in their life, something is not right.

I could go on and on however I figure by now you are getting the idea. And if you are the one participating in any of these behaviours and are not aware of it, which is quite possible, than you may be in some sort of denial. And if you think or believe that by participating in these behaviours it does not hurt others, than you are really in denial. However, sometimes we are the ones who trick ourselves the most by justifying our own actions so that we can continue to do them.

So what do we do now? Well, we need to become more consciously aware of what is going on inside of us letting us know that something is not right. Sharpening up our intuition is key to keeping ourselves out of denial as much as possible. Sometimes I think that because we think tuning up our intuition is too much like work, and that it would be easier to stay as we are, that we just continue as we are, to remain in denial. It seems easier than to confront ourselves and others, to work though the pain and betrayal, to feel the hurt, to take a stand. Again, that is denial showing up to trick us so it can keep playing in our life.

The truth is that is just a lie that others have told us just to keep us in denial! If we stay in denial than they can continue to manipulate and use us.

The truth is coming out of denial is the most incredible experience of freedom that I have ever experienced; the more hurtful the denial, the more intense and exciting the freedom.

The truth is coming out of denial has allowed me to be who I truly am and want to be.

The truth is coming out of denial has allowed me to grow spiritually in a way that supports and honours me.

The truth is coming out of denial has allowed happiness to show up for me.

The truth is coming out of denial has allowed my life to grow in exponential ways that are truly joyful.

The truth is coming out of denial has allowed the Law of Attraction to take an incredible turn for the positive as I experience attracting wonderfully awesome things in my life.

The truth is coming out of denial allowed me to take my life back, take control of my life, and run my life in a way that supports me.

The truth is coming out of denial had allowed me to find and create peace within and without.

The truth is coming out of denial has freed up my financial abundance in ways that I could not have previously imagined but had been wishing for.

The truth is coming out of denial has allowed me to discover talents, gifts and passions that were not able to show up.

The truth is coming out of denial has shown me how strong I can be, how courageous I can be, how determined I can be.

The truth is coming out of denial has shown me how to trust my own decisions and not to allow anyone to interfere with that.

The truth is coming out of denial has shown me the ways in which my intuition talks to me as I make connections back to all the times my intuition was trying to tell me that something was not right. So now I know what my signs are and am always on the lookout for them.

The truth is coming out of denial is liberating, empowering, full of high self-esteem, humble confidence, gratitude, compassion and forgiveness.

The truth is coming out of denial allows me every day to walk around knowing and rejoicing in the fact that, "I love my life!" I truly do, finally, love myself and my life.

I hope you will join me in coming out of denial. It is the ultimate, ultimate place to be.

With love and gratitude,

Elizabeth

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