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Was It Really 'Mean To Be'?

Guest post by: Elizabeth J. Macarthur

Article Overview: When something happens in your life, do you chalk it up to it was meant to happen so therefore nothing I could have done would have made a difference? Well, what if that isn't always the case. What if something you could have done would've made a difference? Would you want the opportunity to change that perspective? If so, read on.

Was It Really 'Mean To Be'?

How often do we hear others say things like, "I guess it was just meant to be." or "Of course that was meant to happen that way." Every time I hear something like that, I get this feeling in my stomach like someone just punched me. Hearing these statements for me represents giving up of one's own power over their own life. Think about it for a minute. What happens when I take the attitude of, "Oh well, that was suppose to happen," or "There's nothing I could have done to change it."? What if when I take that attitude I am setting myself up for more of the same?

Now I know that we don't always understand everything that happens to us on a daily basis and we could drive ourselves crazy trying to figure it all out. However, I do believe that we do not have to totally understand everything in order to take a more active role in our lives to create more on purpose.

I believe that if we take the attitude of just believing stuff happens, than we are giving ourselves permission to NOT pay attention or engage in activities that could make a difference in our lives. This attitude fosters a line of thinking like, "It doesn't matter what I say or do because if it was meant to happen, it will happen anyways."

What a great way to let myself off the hook for taking responsibility for my life and the things that are happening to me. If only life were that easy!

You see, if I do take that attitude, than it does come with certain consequences. Certain experiences start showing up in my life that I might not particularly care for. Things might not be working out the way that I want or need them to. It might always seem like I am getting the short end of the stick. Everything I go to do becomes challenging and difficult. Relationships become strained and stressful. The simple pleasures in life become few and far between.

This is typical for what happens when we give our power away to whomever or whatever. And let us not forget about the Ego. It would love nothing more that to convince you that you have absolutely no power over anything that happens in your life.

So what if you did have some power over your own life, more power than you ever realized? What if you consciously maintained your own power and made decisions and choices from that vantage point? How do you think things would be different?

Well I know how things are different for me when I operate from that vantage point. There was a time when I did truly believe that I had absolutely no power or control over the events and situations that were happening in my life. I would describe it as a time when life was happening to me. I didn't have a life, life had me!

Was I aware of this at the time? No of course not. All I knew was that I did not know why nor did I understand why I was so unhappy and why nothing ever seemed to work out for me. So one day I mustered up some strength and took back a little bit of that power and I started to ask why. I wanted to start understanding things believing that maybe through that understanding I would find some answers that would allow me to do things differently.

Little did I know at the time, but I was right on the money. I began to understand how my behaviours were being fuelled by my thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative. Through this understanding I started to see how negative thoughts could attract negative experiences to me.

I also started to look at my belief systems about myself, both the good and the not so good. I found there, as well, a correlation between negative thoughts about myself attributing to attracting negativity to myself. After taking a close look at the amount of negative thoughts and beliefs I had, I quickly realized that the scales were tipped way too far in the wrong direction. I wasn't long in deciding that I needed to do some work on my own negative thoughts and beliefs to shift the scales around.

This is where I discovered for me the saying of "It was meant to happen," was nothing more that a negative thought and belief that I had adopted and therefore, acted on. This was exciting information because if it was simply a thought or belief, than I could change it, and change it I did.

Some specific things that I worked on for myself were:

(a) negative self-talk;

(b) losses and disappointments and the hurts still attached to them;

(c) unresolved issues with others and myself;

(d) the resentment and anger that I was holding on to because I did not know how to forgive others and myself;

(e) discovering the negative beliefs that I held about myself;

(f) the low self-esteem and confidence in myself;

(g) not feeling valued or loved by others;

(h) not feeling smart or intelligent;

(i) etc.

And as I started to release the negative thoughts and emotions, I could feel my world around me shifting. As I started to take more and more power back of my thoughts and actions, I started to attract more of the good stuff to me.

So do I believe in "It was meant to happen"? Absolutely not. I firmly believe that I do have power over the events and situations that happen to me. And, if I want to make sure that I am creating positive events, situations, relationships, etc., than I had better be doing the following:

(a) monitoring my thoughts and disregarding any negative ones;

(b) replacing my negative beliefs about myself with positive ones and finding ways to keep myself empowered and supported;

(c) dealing with and releasing my unresolved issues, my unforgiveness, my negative emotions that I have stuffed inside of myself;

(d) switching my self-talk to all positive, supporting and empowering words for myself;

(e) willing to forgive others and myself;

(f) consciously aware of when I slip and give my power away so that I can take it back immediately;

(g) learning to love unconditionally, be gentle and kind to myself and others

(h) to expect only the best for myself and others;

(i) loving myself.

Now I know that this seems like a long list and it is. These are all things that I have worked on over the past few years. So what if you just took it one step at a time and just for today picked one. Then think about it, mull it over, become aware of it, find out everything you can about it, master it, than move on to the next one.

Remember, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. And as Mary Kay Ash was so famously quoted as saying, "If it is meant to be, it is up to me!

With love and gratitude,

Elizabeth

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Article Tags: meant to be, negative self talk, perspective



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