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Emotional Maturity

Guest post by: Vanessa J. Bonnette

Article Overview: What I find with many people is that they are living unconsciously - automatically reacting to incidences rather than responding to them. Do you find yourself saying that you feel helpless and are often controlled by your emotions? Relax, you’re not alone!

Emotional Maturity

It's easy to lose yourself in a rush of feelings. For instance, you're busy and mother calls to tell you all about her problems. Suddenly you end up feeling guilty for not helping her. The next day a colleague verbally insults you at work and you feel angry about their rudeness; and at yourself for not setting boundaries.

Both of these scenarios show examples of how other people’s actions can affect our emotions...if we allow it! Do you respond or react to such actions?

All emotions are a form of expression and release, so it might feel good to be angry and to let off steam via an insult, argument or heated discussion. These so-called ‘negative feelings’ are normal and part of our every-day experience - so where’s the problem?

The problem is that negative emotions block you from being your best and attracting what you really need!

If you are continually stressed, habitually negative and vocally expressing these types of feelings then what you are emanating is the vibration of lack - or a sense of loss - and that's exactly why you’re not receiving something good or positive in your life.

You've got to consciously choose a positive response...

Here’s how it works: An incident happens to you which immediately triggers a negative reaction. Right then you have to choose to re-new your thoughts about the incident which in turn creates new feelings.

Living consciously is being self-aware in the moment. Here's an example. Let’s say you recently saw a person at a party whom you reacted negatively to. You then shared your ‘negative’ experience with friends, telling them all about the incident and how you felt, thus re-living the negative thoughts and feelings. Each time you ‘re-live’ that incident, your soul records those same thoughts and feelings.

By choosing to positively re-write the scenario, you’re renewing your soul and building up positive energies.

You can re-new the scenario by writing and saying something like this: "I no longer feel negative when I encounter ______________________ (put person’s name in). Even though we've had our difficulties in the past, I have faith that everything has worked out for the best. I appreciate my life and I am content. Negative feelings will not fulfill my highest purpose; so I am determined to create joy today."

At times it can be hard to re-new our soul. When the same scenario is played often it becomes so well known that it feels comfortable - like a well worn pair of shoes. New shoes take time to break-in – we have to wear them a few times before they feel comfortable! Same goes with living your new story.

Here are my three keys to building emotional maturity:


1. Monitor your thoughts. Next time your mind is in chaos question the thoughts you are having and try to identify the trigger or source causing that reaction.

2. Master your emotions. Write down exactly how you are feeling the moment the reaction occurs. Then shift your thoughts to focus on a positive emotion to change your perspective. Once you sense the shift is a positive feeling...relax, breathe and store that memory.

3. Re-new negative scenarios. Take time to observe yourself telling stories about any incidents that have occurred to you in the past - especially ones that affect you negatively. Re-write these incidents so that they empower you. Each time you do this, you are training yourself to master your emotions.

It is necessary for your health and wellbeing to release your negativity. But make sure you find a way of doing it without harming yourself or other people. You can choose to be brilliant and shine starting today!

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Article Tags: colleague, expression, heated discussion, insult, insults, negative emotions, negative experience, negative feelings, negative thoughts, new feelings, rudeness, rush, scenarios, sense of loss, setting boundaries, steam, thoughts and feelings, types of feelings, vibration



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Re: your personality type? - Hi Michelle! If you are the present-moment focused, this is your result. If it doesn't seem spot on, I'll give you the big-picture focused result. The Enjoyer of Life. You enthusiastically enjoy experiencing the five senses, creative pursuits and social harmony in the here-and-now. You are independent, socially upbeat, and enjoy creating a positive and happy atmosphere. Despite your outgoing “persona,” you are a private person and few people truly know you well). #1 Strength: Comfort Creator #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling 1) Comfort Creator -- Creating a comfortable physical environment. Feels the ?ve senses vividly. Adept at using objects, or ?nding or building objects, to make a physical space the most soothing to all ?ve senses. Also organizing so objects are easily found in a convenient way. Both the physical comfort of self, and others, is important. Often feel a need to ensure those close to them are warm enough, fed, rested, etc. Will easily offer help to others in these areas, lending a jacket, or offering a snack. 2) Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others. Your best type would be: The Conceptualizer. You are an inventive creator of logical systems of possibilities that you use to create processes, products or strategies. Socially, you are sometimes quiet, but also find yourself acting as the life of the party, especially when you get caught up in a debate or entertaining topic of conversation. #1 Strength: Generating Future Possibilities #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic
Re: your personality type? - Hi Zac, If you're on the fence about 2 and 3, I'd think more about them. Big picture people tend to be oblivious to the detail of what is happening NOW -- the colors on a restaurant wall, the layout of someone's apartment, the color of people's shirts at a party, etc. They instead notice the "theme" -- an upscale restaurant (who knows what color), casual shirts at a party (not sure what style), etc. A "trendy" apartment, but who knows where the bathroom was. Gut feeling people tend to act w/o all the facts, and are comfortable following that instinct. "Thinker" people will choose something even if they HATE it, just because it "makes sense." Where as that makes no sense to a gut person. Thinkers are more "black and white" where as gut instinct feelers are more "gray area" people. But going with your selections... 1. Within 2. Big Picture 3. Gut Feeling 4. Spontaneous The Reflective Seeker of Truth. You are a passionate searcher of big-picture meaning and strive to help others with your empathetic listening skills. Socially, you are usually quiet, but can be a social butterfly when you feel like it, though it can be draining to do so for too long. You have a very silly and goofy side, enjoy people and need time to quietly reflect #1 Strength: Predicting Future Likelihoods #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling Predicting Future Likelihoods Predicting what is likely to happen, based on past events, themes, or what has historically been true. Deciding what will happen, based on past events. These predictions are usually spoken with con?dence and certainty. A thread or common idea is drawn from the past, and these ideas are used to decide what will happen in the future. Authorities and past situations are extremely important for deciding what will happen in the future. Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others. If that is your type, your #1 match would be... The Strong-Willed Go-Getter. You are a bold sculptor of the here-and-now in order to achieve immediate results following a logical system for making decisions. You add a fun, upbeat vibe to social events and are often the most gregarious person in the room. #1 Strength: Commander of Physical Space #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic


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