EXTEND YOUR BOUNDARIES
EXTEND YOUR BOUNDARIES
Strong boundaries are an essential element in creating your perfect work-life balance because they help you make peace and space for what you really want in your life. Boundaries are the personal rules you have for what other people may and may not do to or around you. Laura Berman Fortgang has a wonderful explanation of boundaries in her book Take Yourself to the Top. Imagine you are a swimming pool. The fence you build around yourself is your boundaries. It keeps out uninvited guests. Without the fence/boundaries, everyone in your neighborhood will be splashing around in your space and making waves in your life that you may not want. When you are feeling annoyed or upset with how people are acting around or toward you, you have uninvited guests in your pool.
A complete lack of boundaries can leave a person open to danger. For example, some people don't even have the most basic boundary of "people can't hit me." As we tragically see on the news far too often, lacking this boundary can lead to serious injury and even death when domestic violence becomes a tolerated behavior. This is an extreme example and most of us have a "no hitting" boundary firmly in place. However, how many of us lack the "no yelling" boundary or a "no harsh language" boundary? Do you know someone who constantly complains about work, people or the weather? Or someone who thrives on gossiping? Perhaps you allow people to interrupt you when you're on the phone even though it drives you crazy. Can you feel your energy draining out of you when this person talks? Do you cringe when you see the office pessimist coming your way? Perhaps you need to strengthen a boundary around language or gossiping. Strengthening your boundaries in all areas of your life will enhance the quality of your existence by creating an environment of your choosing in which you can thrive.
Take a few minutes right now to make a list of 10 boundaries that are important to you. Once you know what boundaries you want to implement or enhance, you need to make the commitment to yourself to protect them. Do this by informing those people who you know will cross a particular boundary that you have made this change. That way you can address the behavior before it even happens. Let the person know that you will provide a gentle reminder of this new boundary if they happen to cross it. You have the right to defend your boundaries. Whether or not you have previously informed someone of your boundary, if one of your boundaries is crossed, you can use the following sequence to let them know and get them to stop:
1. Inform them they have crossed your boundary.
2. Ask them to stop.
3. Insist that they stop.
4. Leave the situation (walk away).
EXTEND YOUR BOUNDARIES - To learn more about this author, visit Ruth Hegarty's Website.
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"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." - Mark Caine
Strong boundaries are an essential element in creating your perfect work-life balance because they help you make peace and space for what you really want in your life. Boundaries are the personal rules you have for what other people may and may not do to or around you. Laura Berman Fortgang has a wonderful explanation of boundaries in her book Take Yourself to the Top. Imagine you are a swimming pool. The fence you build around yourself is your boundaries. It keeps out uninvited guests. Without the fence/boundaries, everyone in your neighborhood will be splashing around in your space and making waves in your life that you may not want. When you are feeling annoyed or upset with how people are acting around or toward you, you have uninvited guests in your pool.
A complete lack of boundaries can leave a person open to danger. For example, some people don't even have the most basic boundary of "people can't hit me." As we tragically see on the news far too often, lacking this boundary can lead to serious injury and even death when domestic violence becomes a tolerated behavior. This is an extreme example and most of us have a "no hitting" boundary firmly in place. However, how many of us lack the "no yelling" boundary or a "no harsh language" boundary? Do you know someone who constantly complains about work, people or the weather? Or someone who thrives on gossiping? Perhaps you allow people to interrupt you when you're on the phone even though it drives you crazy. Can you feel your energy draining out of you when this person talks? Do you cringe when you see the office pessimist coming your way? Perhaps you need to strengthen a boundary around language or gossiping. Strengthening your boundaries in all areas of your life will enhance the quality of your existence by creating an environment of your choosing in which you can thrive.
Take a few minutes right now to make a list of 10 boundaries that are important to you. Once you know what boundaries you want to implement or enhance, you need to make the commitment to yourself to protect them. Do this by informing those people who you know will cross a particular boundary that you have made this change. That way you can address the behavior before it even happens. Let the person know that you will provide a gentle reminder of this new boundary if they happen to cross it. You have the right to defend your boundaries. Whether or not you have previously informed someone of your boundary, if one of your boundaries is crossed, you can use the following sequence to let them know and get them to stop:
1. Inform them they have crossed your boundary.
2. Ask them to stop.
3. Insist that they stop.
4. Leave the situation (walk away).
EXTEND YOUR BOUNDARIES - To learn more about this author, visit Ruth Hegarty's Website.
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