Tweet

Are You Afraid of Speaking Your Mind?

Guest post by: Holly Murdoch

Article Overview: Being able to speak your mind is one of the hardest tasks to achieve in your career. This article gives great tips on how to speak your mind 'correctly' in the business world.

Are You Afraid of Speaking Your Mind?

Manage Yourself Positively for Balance in Work/Life

Five Keys to Speaking Up About the Things That Weigh You (and Your Relationships) Down

In any relationship, issues will inevitably arise from time to time that have the potential to create tension and conflict. It's not the issues themselves that are the main cause for relationship breakdown but how you go about addressing them. Many of us struggle to effectively speak up about the issues that cause feelings of resent, frustration or downright anger, with the end result that what isn't talked out gets acted out ... in cheap shots, innuendos, moodiness or the "silent treatment." Needless to say, the cost can be profound. Not only will it undermine the mood in your family, friendships or workplace but it can have a serious impact on your emotional, mental and physical health. Five Keys for Gathering Your Courage to Speak Up

1. Tap Your Heart, Box Your Ego

Every conversation provides an opportunity to build or erode trust. As tempting as it may be to make the other person "wrong" in order to make yourself "right," doing so never serves you or your relationship. Your ego's prime concern is you looking good (or avoiding looking bad). Putting your ego in its box means letting go of your need to play safe or to win your case -- to resort to silence or violence. Instead, reflect on what you really want to achieve for yourself, the other person and the relationship. For instance, do you really want to make your assistant feel inferior or do you want to create a more productive and rewarding work environment? Do you really want to hurt your spouse's feelings or would you rather build a more loving marriage?

2. Question Your Own Stories and Listen to Theirs

As human beings we live in stories - about ourselves, other people and the situations in which we find ourselves. The issue isn't that we have stories, but rather believing that our stories are "the truth." The real truth is that you don't see the world as it is, but as you are. It therefore pays for you to challenge your own stories about a situation and consider alternative perspectives. Be particularly vigilant for "victim" and "villain" stories which leave you free of any role in the circumstances you find yourself in.

Not only can your stories roadblock fruitful communication, but so too can your lack of understanding of others' stories. Taking the time to genuinely listen to and understand another's story is the single most powerful communication tool there is, as it not only builds trust and respect, but it makes others less defensive and more receptive to your opinions (growing your influence in the process).

3. Manage Emotions Starting With Your Own

Like it or not, we human beings are innately emotional creatures. Since we can't choose not to experience an emotion, we have to learn how to manage them once they arise. Only by doing so can we effectively respond to other people's emotions or pursue fruitful dialogue with them.

It begins with self awareness; simply noticing the emotions that you're experiencing in any given moment: fear, anger, jealousy, hurt. No emotion is "bad" or "wrong"; it is what it is. It's whether or not our response to that emotion serves us (and those around us) or not that is good or bad. When it comes to speaking up there is nothing wrong with feeling nervous, awkward or completely terrified. In fact, it's normal. However what doesn't serve you is when you give these emotions the power to determine whether or not you will address issues diminishing the quality of your relationships. Remember, courage isn't the absence of fear, it's action in its presence. When it comes to managing others' emotions, don't descend to their level. If someone is getting furious, be curious. Model the change you want to see in others. It begins with you.

4. Speak To the Listening

The meaning of communication is not defined by what is being said, but by what is being heard. The only way to influence or persuade someone is to speak to the context from which they are listening. Ways to help you be more effective at this are to:

Be authentic: If you are feeling nervous just share it.

Begin with the "Facts First" and avoid absolutes. You're guaranteed to offend when you present your opinions as "The Truth".

Tentatively share your opinion or "story" using language that allows for other possibilities, e.g. "It seems to me like ..."

Stay focused on the future and stay mindful of your highest intention (i.e. keep your ego in check!).

5. Seek Progress, Not Perfection

Speaking up may never be easy for you, but it will always open the window to more open and rewarding relationships. At times you may stumble as you try to express yourself. Don't beat yourself up but learn what you can and move on. Regardless of whether you can immediately resolve the issue, at least make a commitment to ongoing dialogue. This alone can ease tension and build trust in your relationship.

As with everything in life, it is ultimately a matter choice ... your choice! Choosing to be committed to your own happiness and self expression will allow you to find the courage to give voice to the issues weighing you down and standing in the way of your enjoyment of the professional success and personal happiness that you want. Remember, if there is something you genuinely want to say, then chances are there's someone who genuinely needs to hear it. In conversations, as in life, you are capable of more than you think you are. Get talking!

Written originally for w2wlink.com, by Margie Warrell.

Related Articles
  Top tips for women who aspire to be great speakers
  “Your Strategic Thinking Coach’s Ten Questions To Diagnose Fear Of Marketing”
  Overcoming Fear
  Accept No For The Answer In Direct Sales
  5 Positive Affirmations For Fearless Presenting
  Having a Conversation with An Artist Painting Out of Doors
  Death, Public Speaking, and Seniors' Homes
  Marketing Strategies: 7 Tips to Make Public Speaking Easier
  “How to Overcome Public Speaking Fears – Ten Strategic Tips From Your Strategic Thinking Business Coach”
  Eliminate the Fear
  How to use the audience for dramatic effect when public speaking
  Hearing \"No\" Needn\'t Be a Sales Killer
  Conversations with The Barefoot Millionaires presents #73: Employee = Sucker
  Play The Money Game To Win!
  How Do you Think
  Change Your Attitude, Change Your Business
  S is for Speaking
  Lead On: Leading By Self Expression
  How to Sharpen Your Edge Using Fear
  6 Proven Ways to Conquer Your Fear of Public Speaking

Article Tags: career, communication, women, work



Related Forum Posts
Top Four Young Entrepreneur Mistakes - According to Youngmoney.com, these are the four most common mistakes made by young entrepreneurs: 1) Not enough networking 2) Not prepared for the work load 3) Lack of confidence 4) Afraid to ask family and friends for help I would add to this list not getting started in the first place. But, if these are your problems, I would suggest checking out Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone, and Guy Kawasaki's The Art of the Start, both of which provide great tactics for getting to that next level.
My reading log - Hi OmnivoreInk, Before starting my business, I read the following books as research: -"The Art of the Start" by Guy Kawasaki -"The AdSense Code" by Joel Comm -"Don't Think Pink" and "Mind Your X's and Y's" by Lisa Johnson And since then I've continued my "research" by reading (in this order): -"Technical Tennis" by Rod Cross -"For One More Day" by Mitch Albom -"The Twits" by Roald Dahl -"Little Black Book of Connections" by Jeffrey Gitomer -"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne -"The Profitable Retailer" by Doug Fleener -"Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell -"Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude" by Jeffrey Gitomer -"The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" by C.S. Lewis -"Little Green Book of Getting Your Way" by Jeffrey Gitomer -"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" by J.K. Rowling And I'm currently reading and am in the process of finishing the following: -"There's No Such Thing as Public Speaking" by Jeanette and Roy Henderson -"The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell -"The Book of Tells" by Peter Collett -"Little Red Book of Sales Answers" by Jeffrey Gitomer -"Chocolates on the Pillow Aren't Enough: Reinventing The Customer Experience" by Jonathan M. Tisch -"The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity" by Julia Cameron -"The Inner Game of Tennis" by Timothy Gallwey
Re: New McDonalds McCafe concept... - When it comes to Japanese service and quality control, I tend to take it for granted... until I return to Britain! Mind you, when it comes to cafes... You can't beat a good old British tea shop!
Re: Good day everyone! New here. - I feel you're on the right track Calflowers, there's a great group here, very helpful and engaging. Speaking of, is there anything we can do to help? What's your business? What are your main desires for it?
Big Button! - Hey Evan, there's a big button bottom right! Mind you, it's always interesting when people miss what might seem obvious to others - how many others might be in the same boat? So it's always great value to consider all feedback! Personally, I liked the button, yet perhaps it could be a bit brighter maybe...


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Living on The Edge of Chaos...

Igniting Your Unstoppable Business Destiny

SEO – Link Building Secrets

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.