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Every Christmas Isn't Merry

Guest post by: Diane Overgard

Article Overview: When life is challenging, the holidays can be the most difficult time of the year.

Every Christmas Isn't Merry

Happy Holidays!
My house is all decorated. I counted seventeen wreaths hung throughout the house.
I’ve baked four batches of cookies. Some of those were created at a Cookie Baking Party, with eight 15-year-olds in my kitchen. So much fun!
Last weekend I drove a car load of people to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. It put us all in a festive spirit.
I’ve been playing holiday music in my house and car since November 12th.
I’m doing December right this year!

But every year hasn’t been this way.
You see, some past years of my life were awfully hard for me with major changes in my marriage. It filled the holidays with painful memories.

There were years when I didn’t put up a full Christmas tree, with all the family ornaments, because I couldn’t stand to open that box. I didn’t want to see the ornaments that said, “Our First Christmas Together” or “Baby’s First Christmas” or the one with the family photo, of the whole family together, taken at Disney World.
I didn’t bake the traditional Christmas cookies because that brought back memories of happy times, and the realization that I was living times that were a far cry from happy.
My family gathered – my children and me – and we all loved and supported one another, but a cloud of sadness and anger hovered over our house.
We never got out a camera. I don’t have a single photo of several Christmases because nobody wanted to remember those times.

I recall a time, years ago, when I invited a friend to an Advent celebration at my church. (Advent marks the four weeks prior to Christmas as a time of preparation.) This friend’s husband had, only weeks before, been diagnosed with a brain tumor. So I invited her to this holiday event. I thought it would be good for her to get out of the house and be around nice people. She cried through the whole program. Christmas was too painful for her that year.

My father died in June of this year. This will be my mom’s first Christmas in 66 years without my dad. It will be a hard Christmas for her.

Ah - the holidays. The most wonderful time of the year! They can also be the most agonizing time of the year when we’re living in a space of life challenge.

Now, I don’t know how you fit into this picture. I don’t know if your Christmas 2007 is one where you will take 100 photos to remember every detail. Or, if for one reason or another, this is a hard year for you. I don’t know. But I do care. Here are a few things that helped me survive, and I hope that one idea will give you a glimmer of joy today.

First, acknowledge your pain. There are days when life is just plain hard. Whether you are dealing with disease, divorce, death, or some other devastation, you are in the mud of life. Journal about it, talk about it, read about it.

Secondly, as you are experiencing pain, experience it in the most beautiful places you know. I spent many days in a favorite coffee shop where the young people who brewed up latte's were energetic, smiling, and friendly. Eventually they learned my name and I always felt welcome and loved. Other days I visited a park by a river and enjoyed the sounds and smells of nature.

Lastly, enlist "burden bearers" to join you. I have a core group of friends, and we have been there for each other through thick and thin. Friends help us remember that ours is a life worth living, even when life is hard. Take seriously the need for someone to share your pain. Trouble shared is trouble halved. If you don't have a close friend right now, love yourself enough to call a professional who will walk with you.

I believe there will come another year when you, like me this year, will feel joyous, thankful, and you will gear up to celebrate the holidays. Then, this experience you are living today, will have taught you a new level of compassion. You will be the one who understands how important it is to sit for an afternoon and just listen to someone who needs to talk. You will be the one who makes a few extra phone calls to check on someone who is hurting. And, you might be the one who bakes an extra batch of cookies for someone who hasn't the energy to bake, but who could use a pick-me-up. When you have lived through a major life challenge, you find new purpose in life by embracing those who are in pain.

Are you facing a life challenge this year? Would it help to have a coach who listens and brings you tools for change that will improve your days?
E-mail me to schedule a free coaching session. I’m anxious to talk with you!

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Related Forum Posts
Re: Moderators on vacation - Off on my Christmas holidays with my family later today! Actually, we are flying to England and have been watching BBC World News reports about Heathrow struggling to cope with the snow... Hope the trains manage to run on Christmas Eve... I probably won't appear on the forum very often until around 5th January, DV... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everybody! David H
Re: Merry Christmas everyone! - Thank you Evan! And also Merry Christmas to everyone from me!
Merry Christmas everyone! - I'm just waiting for my son to wake up to start our Christmas traditions and I wanted to drop a quick note here to thank everyone for your support of the forums. We've have an exciting year and hopefully we can reach and help even more entrepreneurs in 2011! I hope you enjoy your families and have a fantastic holiday break... and then get ready to kick some butt with your business in 2011! Merry Christmas everyone!
Re: Vacation for Evan - Hi Evan, Hope you have a great time. I'll be away for a few days when you get back, so I'll say it now: Merry Christmas! David
Re: Season's Greetings! - Hi GT, Thank you for your good wishes which I echo wholeheartedly. Wherever you are in the world, may the festive season be happy and peaceful, Merry Christmas, Mal.


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