Coming Undone Is a Good Thing

Do you remember the saying, 'everything I needed to know about life I learned in kindergarten?' Well, I won't say everything, but definitely a few really key lessons can be learned from the five and under set. One of the most important ones is the wide-eyed wonder and delight that children seem to be able to find in almost everything, every minute of every day, day after day. As adults we often do not appreciate the enormity of this wide-eyed sense of adventure. In fact we often find it tiresome, but take a moment to truly ponder what it would be like to look forward to each and every day with so much excitement that sleep is like punishment. Can you imagine how different your days would become?

Jonathan was in a rut. He'd begun to dread his work and even wasn't satisfied with how he spent his free time. He'd begun criticizing and nit-picking just about everything and had begun to drive even himself crazy. One evening after work Jon stopped at the dance studio that his sister ran. While waiting for her last class to end, he ran into an old friend from high school. He was surprised to see Marguerite. He'd heard that she had moved away years before, and recalled being a tad depressed about it because he'd had a secret crush on her for years. Looking at her, she barely looked old enough to be out of high school, let alone fast approaching her mid-thirties as he knew her to be. He told her how good she looked and she smiled, but did not give the compliment a great deal of attention, which really earned Jon's approval. When his sister Juana joined them, she suggested that they all go out to dinner and catch up. During dinner Jon learned that Marguerite had a very eventful life. She'd managed to recover from a disaster of a marriage, from being yet another casualty of the Dot.com bust, and had recently moved back home with her Dad, yet she was the epitome of optimism. She never once complained about the things that had gone wrong in her life, but seemed to look to the future as uncharted frontier, full of opportunity. Jonathan could not believe how much life and vitality she seemed to ooze. When Juana and Jon asked Marguerite about her optimism, she remarked that it was because she refused to let life beat her. She chose to embrace each fresh day as a new chance and could not dwell on what had happened in the past, even if it was as recently as yesterday. She said that periodically when she slipped and allowed herself to get caught up in yesterdays, she realized it immediately because she felt drained, bitter, and often listless. Marguerite confessed that she learned this way of life from her now seven year old daughter Callie. Callie was always excited about life. She couldn't wait to embrace a new day, conquer a new task, and almost always did it with a fantastic attitude. When she was born, Marguerite had searched for a way to nurture the free spirit in her child and decided the best way to do that was by being a role model for her.

Jonathan confided in Marguerite about his life and moods of late, and asked her for some suggestions. She said that she had three tips for how he could start living his life with the abandon that leaves one open to all possibilities. She first suggested that he stop living in the past. When he began to deny it, she told him that if he woke up in a foul mood that he was indeed living in the past. She told him to make a pact with himself to never go to bed with unresolved issues. Granted some things cannot be solved in just a few hours of a day, but instead of letting things carry over, he needed to make peace with the fact that it was unresolved and release it.

Second, Marguerite suggested that Jonathan allow himself to try and enjoy things that may not seem appropriate for a thirty-something year old. She confided that she often went to the zoo to ride the carousel and several times a month went to play at the playground without her child. She found this personal playtime as being her most creative time. She assured him that good things would result from learning how to play again. Lastly, she suggested that he surround himself with others who knew how to embrace joy, especially since he didn't have children of his own. She cautioned that sometimes one can mistake irresponsibility for playfulness, but told Jon that he needed to learn how to really let himself go. She suggested volunteering with young children, or having him join a group of his liking for a fun activity, or that Jon join Callie and herself for a few "learn how to let go" outings. As she spoke Juana watched Jon ponder her suggestions and was delighted at the sparks she saw in his lately dull eyes. She knew it was going to take time, but thought that if Jon allowed himself to come undone from his former routine and learn to live life in the moment that he'd feel so much better about himself, his life, and definitely his future.

Are you ready to come undone? Can you make a pact to leave the events of a day on that day and not carry it into a new day, week, month or year? Yes, it is difficult, but just like couples who promise to never go to bed angry, why not promise to never go to bed aggravated? If you can make a promise to others, why not begin with you? Remember, you can't change the way others act, but you can change the way you respond verbally and the way you handle things. It's your life, the ball is in your court, and it's up to you to decide to let yourself come undone where you need to, in order to create the life that will make abundance, delight, possibilities and prosperity flow like the mighty Niagara-effortlessly and limitless. It is a good thing.





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