Believe you can or believe you can’t you will be right!

So I'm not talking here about our beliefs about religion or aliens I am referring to our beliefs about our own capabilities and what is possible in our own lives.

There is a wonderful saying that goes “believe you can or believe you can’t you will be right”. In other words our beliefs become self-fulfilling prophesies because once we think a certain way it determines our actions, behaviours and our whole physiology. You only need to watch a top sports player or a team when they are losing. If they still have strong belief about their ability to come through and win then they will play that way, on the other hand if their belief becomes ‘wobbly’ it will show through not just in how they play but in their physiology, heads drop, shoulders droop, the eyes and facial expressions tell it all. If you are into Football you will have noticed how Wayne Rooney’s belief has faltered since the World Cup and how poorly he had been playing. Now his belief has returned all his skills seem to be coming back (they never went anywhere in the first place his limiting beliefs just suppressed them!) The power of our belief is huge, people with injuries or illnesses who hold a strong positive belief about recovery do much, much better than those who don’t. Also look at the placebo effect where sugar coated inert pills have a powerful therapeutic effect simply because people believe they are taking the real thing!

As we go through life we collect our beliefs in many ways, from parents, school, friends and our own experiences. Beliefs can land like ‘thought viruses’ and while some will be useful because they support us to achieve what we want others can limit us. I remember personally a hospital consultation with an orthopaedic specialist. At the age of thirty I had a ‘knackered’ knee from years of high impact sports. The Consultant examined me then said I would be lucky if I was still walking in five years time let alone be engaged in sport. Fortunately I took on a different belief about the future and 20 or so years on I am still walking and engage in sports! If limiting beliefs do land or form in our minds the effect can be like a straight jacket. We can get stuck in our behaviours, can find ourselves saying ‘can’t’ too often and limit our range of possibilities and solutions. As we shift a limiting belief it can be like switching on a light, all of a sudden a much wider range of options open up to us and we can re-prioritise things in our lives to achieve more of what we want. So because beliefs are so powerful it can be valuable to carry out an overhaul of our thinking and the first step to this is becoming more aware of our beliefs and identifying what they are really about.

Here is a great way of beginning to do this. Think of an aspect of your life either professionally or personally and think about 100% of what it is you really want. This could be anything like more money, better health, getting fitter, losing weight, more time, changing career, moving house or greater fulfilment – literally anything!

Now take the 100% of what it is you really want and fill in the gaps in the following statement. (I will give some examples to illustrate this).

I want to ……………..……but can’t because………………………...

Here’s an example.

I want to spend more time with my family but can’t because I need to work late most evenings. Then explore the ‘because’ part in more depth to see if there is a limiting belief behind it. With this example the possible limiting beliefs could be endless however here are some possibilities. I need to work late most evenings because I can’t leave things to the next morning, or because my business/work will fail if I don’t work late, or because I must set this example to others, or because I can’t get my work done during the day etc etc.

Once you are aware of a limiting belief you can set about changing it. (remember that beliefs are not facts they are simply what we believe to be true, also if you can adopt one in the first place that doesn’t serve you well then you can just as easily choose to adopt a different one that is more useful!). There are many ways to shift limiting beliefs and because they are often based on huge generalisations a good start is to challenge the basis of the belief and begin ‘loosening’ its grip. One way to do this is by asking the following questions:

1. What will it cost me if I continue to hold this belief for ever?

2. Do I still want to hold this belief in its current form or would I like to change it?

3. What would be more useful to believe and how might things be different if I did?

4. Can I think of any exceptions to the belief which means that it doesn’t hold true all the time and therefore would make it feel less true?

5. Where/who did the belief come from in the first place and when did I acquire it?

6. What action could I commit to taking right now that once completed will loosen the grip of this limiting belief?

I was coaching someone recently who became aware of a limiting belief that was holding them back in business (and in life generally). They were highly creative and their very creativity was at the heart of their business. However for them the ‘devil was in the detail’ and they often seemed to miss out crucial bits of information or overlook small points that were of significance. This was holding them back in some key areas of their business.

For them the statement read “I want to make my business more successful but can’t because I keep missing out essential details”. As they explored this further they became aware of a limiting belief which was that ‘Creative people don’t have an eye for the detail’. Now where on earth does that come from? With further examination they quickly realised that there were occasions when they had been very good at thoroughly checking the details but their belief that they couldn’t was almost becoming an excuse for their less than desired performance. So with a good excuse to call on they kept on doing it! However as their belief loosened and the excuse became less plausible they stopped using it and quickly proved to themselves and others that they could be good at ‘the detail’ all of the time! And finally watch out for limiting beliefs forming in children, unfortunately many seem to ‘land’ at school and if you notice them quickly you can loosen them right at the start. My six year old daughter came back from school the other day and said she was rubbish at art! We quickly explored it together to nip that particular ‘thought virus’ in the bud.

I hope you have enjoyed this tip and will find it valuable for yourself or for others. If you have any questions or comments please do feel free to email me at info@betterbalance.co.uk and many other people can also benefit from this information by simply adding their email to the box on www.betterbalance.co.uk

Best wishes Jeff Gill ICF Credentialed Coach

Believe you can or believe you can’t you will be right! - To learn more about this author, visit Jeff Gill's Website.

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