Putting the Success Books On The Couch: Notes from Dr. Kevin Fleming
Putting the Success Books On The Couch: Notes from Dr. Kevin Fleming
There are now 5,421 book titles on Amazon.com that have the “7 Secrets” in their title. Maybe the best way to create sustainable impact is to “shrink” the best success secrets down to actual reality; that is, to see what is more instrumental to change—the half truth that is silently on the other side of these quick tips. Ever try to bargain with one of those seven tips you read about? To see how you can keep one foot on one side of the fence doing something you don’t really want to change about yourself, while seeming to do the quick tip fix? If you have, then you’ve been bitten by a pseudo-attempt at transforming your life and potentially you could use a new paradigm. One that uncovers the half truth—the real key to change— that eludes the best of the best success-oriented books because it sits underneath mere information or advice, like a germ spreading and outwitting the best antibiotics.
In my research I’ve found that good habits form not just by practice, but by unlearning the illusionary aspect hidden beneath each well-intentioned tool. In every truth, there is a half-truth lurking and enticing one to believe that by doing the half-truth you are “basically” or “for the most part” doing what needs to be done. If you have a success book on your shelf, and its potential is gathering dust, maybe you need a model of unlearning, of behavior change not information—a book on un-learning your “would do’s” first in order to learn a new “should do.”
Below summarizes what I’ve seen in my executive coaching practice as the most common client-initiated factors in the beliefs about success—and then what I see as the half-truth that’s truly stopping one from reaching a personal or business goal.
SUCCESS FACTOR #1: Don’t Sit Around Wondering What to Do—Just Do It! Half-Truth: Search for the elements in your life where pro-activity has gotten the job done and use that as comfort for the reactive elements that you say you don’t need to look at now.
SUCCESS FACTOR #2: Have a Vision of the Endpoint in Mind Half-Truth: Define a vision in life, set goals, then accept your own early successes as evidence that it is your own goal and standard of success, that you are on your track, not that of someone else (parent, spouse, advisor, or for that matter a career professional).
SUCCESS FACTOR #3: Make Your Pile of Priorities Half-Truth: Get jazzed that because you’ve graphed your urgency and importance matrix, then you’ve adequately addressed time management effectively, while ignoring that many of your perceptions for each factor actually come from reactive parts of your brain (thereby violating Success Factor #1).
SUCCESS FACTOR #4: Smart Negotiations of a “Big Picture” Type (Win/Win) Half-Truth: Because conflict sucks, reinforce the belief that your solution truly is a win/win and not just a rationalization that someone actually does “lose.”
SUCCESS FACTOR #5: Get a Deep 360-Like, Self-Detached Understanding of the Other Position Half-Truth: Seek to understand but do so as a technique and hope that the other party won’t see that you’re using empathy so strategically that you’ve become inauthentic.
SUCCESS FACTOR #6: Brainstorm Non-Defensively/Creative Solutions Half-Truth: Brainstorm beyond reactive “gut” solutions until you are utterly convinced that you are co-creating an “optimal solution” and not one of mere compliance.
SUCCESS FACTOR #7: Seek Enlightenment Half-Truth: Get so caught up in the mechanics of self-development that this turns into narcissistic self-absorption. If one could really connect with these half truths, one is for sure on their way to success—the kind that lasts. The kind that is real, not the kind that you want it to be.
Reprinted with permission by Executive Decision Magazine, May/June 2007
Putting the Success Books On The Couch Notes from Dr Kevin Fleming - To learn more about this author, visit Kevin Fleming's Website.
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About 80% of my clients are in that population where information doesn’t change them. Telling, prodding, pointing out, pushing, convincing and outlining a plan doesn’t cut it— no matter how “right” the ideas are.
There are now 5,421 book titles on Amazon.com that have the “7 Secrets” in their title. Maybe the best way to create sustainable impact is to “shrink” the best success secrets down to actual reality; that is, to see what is more instrumental to change—the half truth that is silently on the other side of these quick tips. Ever try to bargain with one of those seven tips you read about? To see how you can keep one foot on one side of the fence doing something you don’t really want to change about yourself, while seeming to do the quick tip fix? If you have, then you’ve been bitten by a pseudo-attempt at transforming your life and potentially you could use a new paradigm. One that uncovers the half truth—the real key to change— that eludes the best of the best success-oriented books because it sits underneath mere information or advice, like a germ spreading and outwitting the best antibiotics.
In my research I’ve found that good habits form not just by practice, but by unlearning the illusionary aspect hidden beneath each well-intentioned tool. In every truth, there is a half-truth lurking and enticing one to believe that by doing the half-truth you are “basically” or “for the most part” doing what needs to be done. If you have a success book on your shelf, and its potential is gathering dust, maybe you need a model of unlearning, of behavior change not information—a book on un-learning your “would do’s” first in order to learn a new “should do.”
Below summarizes what I’ve seen in my executive coaching practice as the most common client-initiated factors in the beliefs about success—and then what I see as the half-truth that’s truly stopping one from reaching a personal or business goal.
SUCCESS FACTOR #1: Don’t Sit Around Wondering What to Do—Just Do It! Half-Truth: Search for the elements in your life where pro-activity has gotten the job done and use that as comfort for the reactive elements that you say you don’t need to look at now.
SUCCESS FACTOR #2: Have a Vision of the Endpoint in Mind Half-Truth: Define a vision in life, set goals, then accept your own early successes as evidence that it is your own goal and standard of success, that you are on your track, not that of someone else (parent, spouse, advisor, or for that matter a career professional).
SUCCESS FACTOR #3: Make Your Pile of Priorities Half-Truth: Get jazzed that because you’ve graphed your urgency and importance matrix, then you’ve adequately addressed time management effectively, while ignoring that many of your perceptions for each factor actually come from reactive parts of your brain (thereby violating Success Factor #1).
SUCCESS FACTOR #4: Smart Negotiations of a “Big Picture” Type (Win/Win) Half-Truth: Because conflict sucks, reinforce the belief that your solution truly is a win/win and not just a rationalization that someone actually does “lose.”
SUCCESS FACTOR #5: Get a Deep 360-Like, Self-Detached Understanding of the Other Position Half-Truth: Seek to understand but do so as a technique and hope that the other party won’t see that you’re using empathy so strategically that you’ve become inauthentic.
SUCCESS FACTOR #6: Brainstorm Non-Defensively/Creative Solutions Half-Truth: Brainstorm beyond reactive “gut” solutions until you are utterly convinced that you are co-creating an “optimal solution” and not one of mere compliance.
SUCCESS FACTOR #7: Seek Enlightenment Half-Truth: Get so caught up in the mechanics of self-development that this turns into narcissistic self-absorption. If one could really connect with these half truths, one is for sure on their way to success—the kind that lasts. The kind that is real, not the kind that you want it to be.
Reprinted with permission by Executive Decision Magazine, May/June 2007
Putting the Success Books On The Couch Notes from Dr Kevin Fleming - To learn more about this author, visit Kevin Fleming's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
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John PowerJohn Power, founder of Biltmore Franchise Consulting, has extensive experience developing and marketing franchises and business opportunities. He has been in and around franchising for over twenty years. From 1980 through 1990 he conceptualized, organized, and developed the American Video Association. He grew AVA to 2,000 national members, before selling the company it 1990. It was later merged into another home video marketing company. From 2000 to 2005 he worked as a contract marketing and human resources consultant to several local and national companies. In 2005 Mr. Power began working as a franchise development consultant on a full-time basis. Since that time he has helped more than three dozen companies initiate and develop their franchising program. He notes that there are many companies interested in developing a franchise program, and who need his specialized assistance. Mr. Power is a “hands-on” franchise consultant. He said, “I am the ‘nuts and bolts’ person who tends to the details for my clients.” Mr. Power holds a B.S. degree with a major in Marketing. See: www.biltmorefranchise.com You may contact Mr. Power at: jpower@biltmorefranchise.co - Visit John Power's Website |
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Dianne CramptonDianne Crampton is an executive leadership coach, team consultant, author and president of TIGERS Success Series, Inc. Dianne has been helping CEO's and Executives connect their employees to their core values and goals for over 20 years using the trademarked TIGERS team culture process, which stands for trust, interdependence, genuineness, empathy, risk and success. To download a free white paper on behaviors that build strong teams and behaviors that will predictably tear them down go here. - Visit Dianne Crampton's Website |
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Linda RichardsonLinda Richardson is the Founder and Executive Chairwoman of Richardson, a global sales training and performance improvement company. As a recognized leader in the industry, she has won the coveted Stevie Award for Lifetime Achievement in Sales Excellence and she was identified by Training Industry, Inc. as one of the “Top 20 Most Influential Training Professionals.” Ms. Richardson is credited with the movement to Consultative Selling and is the author of ten books on selling and sales management, including Sales Coaching — Making the Great Leap from Sales Manager to Sales Coach, and Stop Telling, Start Selling. She teaches sales and management at the Wharton Graduate School of the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton Executive Development Center. Linda is a frequent speaker at industry and client conferences, has been published extensively in industry and training journals, and has been featured in numerous publications, including The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Nation’s Business, Selling Power, Success, and The Conference Board Magazine. Learn more about Richardson's sales training and performance improvement solutions at http://www.richardson.com web - Visit Linda Richardson's Website |
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Leanne Hoagland-SmithAre your sales where you want them to be? Will you be one of the few who achieves sales or business success or one of the many who have failed to change? Are you tired of being told you are like everyone else? Then you may find my first book on sales of interest. Be the Red Jacket in the Sea of Gray Suits, The Keys to Unlocking Sales available at Amazon or at http://www.processspecialist.com/red-jacket.htm. This book is a reflection of my no-nonsense approach to improving sales to overall business results. If you are truly committed to making sustainable changes, then I can help you secure a positive return on your investment because I focus on executable solutions not telling you the problems you already know you have. From training to corporate (group) coaching to executive one on one coaching, my approach is to assess, create awareness, build a goal driven action plan and then execute. The bottom line question is "Not do you or your employees know it, but do you or they want to do it?" Please call for a free strategy session at 219.759.5601. - Visit Leanne Hoagland-Smith's Website |
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